


Don't know when we started loosing touch

by MissSophie23



Category: The 100
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Bellarke, Childhood Friends, Clarke from Cleveland, Clarke owns a pastry, F/M, Feelings, Fluff, Love, Southern AU, blame 'the longest ride' for this cowboy thing, cat springs texas, cowboy!bellamy, eventually smut I'm not sure, kane ranch, singlemom!Clarke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-09
Updated: 2016-05-05
Packaged: 2018-04-13 21:03:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 53,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4537266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissSophie23/pseuds/MissSophie23
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke Griffin uses to visit the Kane ranch every summer where she become friends with Bellamy and Octavia Blake. The southern are like her second family until her father Jake Griffin dies and Abby decides not to go back to Cat Spring again. Clarke, Bellamy and Octavia haven't any contact for nine years when Kane invites Abby to celebrates her 50th birthday at the ranch. Everybody is excited because they haven't seen the Griffin's since nine years ... right Bellamy?! You haven't seen her since nine years ... or is there something you don't want to tell us?! Clarke's return will turn Bellamy's word upside down - if it's good or bad, who knows...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Arriving

**Author's Note:**

> So here we go. This is my first multi-chapter Bellarke ff I told you about. I'm still writing and I hope I can update this fic once a week, maybe every two weeks. It depends because I will start a new job at the 1. September ... but most of the things are already planned out - you can give me your suggestions anyway if you want to ;) Also I am not sure if I picked the right rating because I don't know how detailed I will write eventual sex scenes ;)
> 
> Thanks to my wonderful beta reader [Pandorathefirst](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/5466809/)! Thank you for your help hun <3

"Good morning Bellamy." His sister Octavia greeted him with a bright smile as he entered the kitchen at six am sharp. She always had been a morning person, no matter how many hours she slept, she would always be the sunshine she was right now. It wasn't that Bellamy was a morning grouch. He just hadn't slept much last night because Miller and he had to go out to the cattle because one of their cows was giving birth. It had been half past midnight , when Sterling called him because of some complications. So Miller and he have stayed for the rest of the birth, trying to help the animal with the delivery. It wasn't the first calf Bellamy brought to the world but it was the first time the mother refused to take care of her own offspring. Nathan and he tried to help the calf to drink, tried to persuade the mother to accept her calf but it didn't work. It was a maverick, so Bellamy had to bottle-feed the calf last night, hence he hadn't really slept at all.

He just got out of a shower, and still had small dark bags under his eyes. He sent his sister a weak smile, pecked her cheek and grabbed the cup of coffee she held out. "Thanks." Bellamy greeted his coworkers. Miller looked as exhausted as Bellamy felt, but he sat on the breakfast table anyway, waiting for the briefing with Kane. Even when the table was fully covered with delicious things like honey, O's self-made marmalade and other homemade food and even though he hadn't eaten anything for hours now, Bellamy wasn't hungry. He just took another sip of his coffee while the rest of the team had breakfast quietly chatting between themselves when the boss arrived.

Kane offered everybody his hand, just like every morning. He smiled at the table, thanking Octavia for the coffee she handed him and while his sister took a seat, Kane turned to his second and asked if something had happened last night. Bellamy nodded. He hadn't called Kane last night because Miller, Sterling and he were very capable of handling the birth by themselves. If there had been some serious threat for the animals he would have called Marcus of course. But Bellamy knew how much his boss had to work, more than them so he tried to disturb his nights as little as possible.

"One of the calves gave birth last night. Sterling called Miller and me because of some complications. We were able to handle them but sadly the cow refused the calf," Bellamy reported, hearing his sister's "Oh no", before he continued, "We tried all we could but she still doesn't want to take it. We have to bottle-feed it."

Kane was listening with puckered brows.

"Maybe one of the other two cows will take it after they gave birth," Miller suggested, his voice rusty from the lack of sleep.

"The odds are good that this will happen," Bellamy agreed, "but we don't know when they will bear, so we have to bottle-feed it until then."

"Okay. Where is the calf now?" Kane asked.

"In the stable, Sterling is with him." It wasn't a possibility for the long term. The calf had to be with his fellows, it needed to bond with the others. But Bellamy didn't want to put it to the herd until they had talked with Kane.

"Good. Well, not good but we can handle it. It's not the first time this has happened. The calf has to drink six liters each day. We'll put it with the herd on the south. I'm sure that they will take care of the calf, but we have to feed it three or four times a day. I'll work out the schedule later. But for now he is good, that is the most important thing. So, is there something else you have to tell me?"

Bellamy shook his head, "Not that I know of."

The boss took a huge sip from the coffee. "Okay, so here we go. What is important for today? Well, we have to look through the cattle. Jackson called me yesterday, he told me that a virus is in circulation." Kane looked very serious. The last virus that had been around had costs many cattle lives because they hadn't been prepared. If they only had separated the sick cows from the others earlier … .

"Murphy and Reyes, you will take care of the herds in the south and west. Miller and Blake, you will go through the others on the north. We have also to select a few bulls for the upcoming market. And I am very happy to tell you that Abby Griffin agreed on taking a break from the hospital in Ohio to celebrate her 50th birthday here with us."

"What?" Bellamy's head shot up from his coffee mug when he heard his boss' words. His heart bumped against his chest. Did Marcus just tell them that the Griffins would visit them? That he would see Clarke again? Why didn't he know about this? He was Kane's second, they talked about everything. Bell's eyes flickered towards his sister who was as surprised as him, even when she had a big smile on her lips while his forehead was carved into a deep V. They all hadn't seen each other for nearly ten years now. Bellamy thought Kane and Abby had lost contact through the years. The cowboy searched his mind for some hints that Kane had mentioned the visiting of the Griffins but he couldn't find anything.

Marcus laughed slightly at his worker's faces, just like their reaction was what he had hoped for. "Yeah, I was surprised by myself when Abby told me that she and Clarke would come –"

"Clarke is also coming?" Octavia interrupted her boss with a shriek of happiness and her eyes went wide in anticipation, her smile getting bigger. Bellamy's heartbeat stopped, he watched Kane carefully, not wanting to miss the smallest nod and the second Kane grinned, there was a loud yell from Octavia and he couldn't hide a smile from his own lips either.

"Actually they wanted to arrive tomorrow, but Abby called in yesterday and asked me if they could come today. So, the rooms had to be cleaned up today Octavia. I am sorry that you don't have more time."

Octavia shook her head, waving Kane off. "It's no problem. The rooms will be finished when they are here." His sister was full of excitement and Bellamy would have to lie if he said that he wasn't, but he tried not to show it as obviously as his sister did.

"Great. They will be at the Houston airport at 4.45pm. Miller, I want you to pick them up and bring them here."

"Got it boss." The cowboy said nodding, also with a smile on his lips.

Everybody loved the idea that the Griffins would be back at the ranch. They had been a part of their family for a very long time. Nearly everyone knew the Griffins, except Murphy, Reyes and the seasonal worker. Jake Griffin grew up in Cat Springs and went to school with Marcus. They both were friends, even when Jake decided to move away, working as a business man in the north while Kane stayed in the small town, and working at his parent's ranch. Jake and his family, his wife Abby and his daughter Clarke, came around every once in a while, spending the holidays at the ranch.

Bellamy and Octavia's mother worked and lived at the ranch, so the kids became friends. Spending their time together, having a lot of fun, but then Jake died ten years ago and Abby and Clarke visited them only once more. Bellamy remembered it as it had been yesterday. Jake's funeral had been two weeks ago when the two had come down. They hadn't stayed long, three days only. Clarke had been seventeen when she lost her father. Bellamy twenty-two and O was the same age as Clarke. They tried to take the pain of her father's lost away from Clarke. She hadn't said much during her stay. Octavia tried to make her smile at least once. Bellamy had pulled her into his arms, letting her cry into his shoulder. Ever since then they barely heard anything from the women from Ohio.

"The birthday is in three days, so we have a lot to do in the next days. Abby and Clarke will stay for a week at least, maybe a little longer," Kane explained, looking at his employees. Bellamy nodded shortly, trying to fight a long forgotten feeling stirring in the pit of his stomach. He was a little pissed at his boss that he hadn't at least mentioned anything to him. There were a few other things they talked about before everyone got up, going to work. Bellamy was one of the last, and while Octavia cleaned the table, humming a happy melody, Bellamy called out for Kane who was about to leave.

"Kane, can I talk to you for a second?"

"Sure."

Within three steps Bellamy stood in front of his boss. He cleared his throat, before he asked him why he hadn't said anything about the Griffins to him. Kane smiled at the serious expression on Bellamy's face. He laid his hand on Bell's shoulder as he answered.

"I didn't want to set up all your hopes that they might come and destroy them because they wouldn't. I also thought it would be a nice surprise for everyone, especially for the both of you." Kane's eyes switched to Octavia, then looked back at him. Bellamy's jaw clenched a little before he relaxed, and nodded.

"Yeah, yeah it is."

As Kane left Bellamy sighed a little, scratching the back of his neck. He bit his bottom lip and turned around when Octavia called out for him, for the third time.

"Excuse me?"

Octavia had an amused smile playing across her lips. "I said; isn't it exciting that Abby and Clarke will be here by the end of the day? I mean, we haven't seen them for nearly nine years now, right?"

Her eyes were big, her smile full of joy and Bellamy couldn't stop the spinning feeling in his guts. Nine years … not exactly nine years for him but –

"Yeah, it's been a long time."

Octavia frowned at the tone of his voice. He was totally lost in his thoughts. Bellamy thought about how it would be to see Clarke again. Talking to her, laughing with her … kissing her. A hot shiver ran down his spine and he had to stop himself from his thoughts, otherwise he wouldn't be able to do any of his duties today.

"Is everything alright Bellamy?"

"What? Yeah, I'm sorry. I hadn't slept last night because of the calf. I have to go. See you later." He dropped a kiss on his sister's forehead before grabbing his hat, leaving to ride with Miller through the herds.

 

It was nearly 6pm when the pickup truck stopped at the driveway and now Bellamy could barely hide his excitement as he stood near the door to greet the visitors and Octavia's bouncing wasn't helping either. She stood next to him, grinning from ear to ear when Abby Griffin got out of the car, walking towards them. The woman greeted his sister first, pulling her into a hug. Bellamy watched them with an amused smile.

"It's so good to see you Octavia," Abby told the brunette which returned the words in agreement, before Octavia got called by Kane, so she had to go inside – clearly pissed that she couldn't greet Clarke as the first one – and Abby turned towards him. He could see how the older woman took him in with her eyes, a smile on her face. 

"Bellamy."

The man smirked, tapping his cowboy hat, "Ma'am."

Abby groaned, rolling her eyes. Her right eyebrow quirked upwards, when she reproached him – but not without a little smile, "How many times did I already tell you that you shall call me Abby? Come here."

The blond woman pulled him into a tight hug, kissing his cheeks.

Bellamy laughed, returning the hug. "More than enough I think," he answered when she pulled back. He had always liked Abby Griffin. His mother and she always liked each other. They had different lives and maybe different opinions about a few things, but Bellamy remembered how much fun both women had had. The Abby Griffin he knew was kind and grounded. And it was really good to see that the death of Jake didn't take that away from her.

"Exactly," she smiled, grabbing Bellamy by his arms, looking from his feet to his head. "Wow, look at you. You are a grown man now."

He still had a grin on his lips when he shrugged. "What can I say? Time runs fast."

Abby was nodding, a mixture of seriousness and amusement on her face now. "Don't tell me." She let go of him.

"So, where is mister stubborn?"

Bellamy couldn't suppress a small laugh at her words, before pointing inside the house. "Somewhere in there. He was called out for Octavia a few seconds ago. Maybe he just found something that wasn't presentable."

Abby rolled her eyes again. "Like I've never been here before," she smiled before going inside.

Bellamy's bright grin diminished when he turned around to look for the younger version of the woman who just greeted him. Bellamy would be lying if he said that he wasn't nervous to see Clarke again. It had been quite a while since the last time he saw her. His hands were deep in his pockets and he shifted from one foot to the other. His eyes flickered towards the car, when he spotted her with her back to him as she was still fumbling at the back seat. His heart did a huge jump as he saw the blond hair falling across her back in perfect uniform curls, her god damn curves which had burned into his mind that one long forgotten night and her perfect toned legs.

He took a deep breath and shook his head trying to get his thoughts back together. He rolled his shoulder blades back, walking a few steps towards Clarke, the biggest smile on his lips now – because he was so happy to see her – when she shut the car door and he stopped dead in his steps. The smile disappeared from his face within one second when he noticed who was slowly trailing behind Clarke. The air stuck in his lungs, his eyes wide in shocked as Clarke was walking towards him, a nervous smile on her face and a little blond version of her, clutching her right hand. There was only one thing that Bellamy could think of: Clarke had a _daughter_?!


	2. The Flashback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We go back a few years ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your lovely kudos, bookmarks and comments. I never thought I would get this kind of reaction. I hope you like the next chapter - it's from Clarke's POV. I will switch between Bellamy and her with every chapter.

She couldn't call anybody else except him. She couldn't call her mom, because she was in surgery. Besides Clarke didn't want to bother her with her relationship problems. She couldn't call Wells because he was in Europe, spending a term in Italy. And hell she couldn't call her best friend because she was part of the problem. She had just run into her best friend fucking her boyfriend in his kitchen. Clarke wanted to surprise Finn by coming back a day earlier because she had been in Chicago for the last three months for her medical internship. She had used his spare key he gave her one year ago and was full of excitement to see her boyfriend again. Clarke even bought some nice lingerie for the night. Everything had been planned out in her mind. They would cook together, have sex and talk about what happened the last few months and maybe about their future together. For they were in a relationship for over two years now. She wanted to ask him if he wanted to move in with her. Clarke was ready to take the next step, but when she entered the apartment the only thing she could see was how Chloe sat on the counter, with her legs wide open and getting fucked by Finn who had his face buried in her best friend's neck. Loud and satisfied moans filled the room, and Clarke was sure they wouldn't have noticed her if it weren't for the bags that she dropped by the door. 

"FUCK." Finn froze his eyes wide in horror and Chloe cursed, trying to shove Finn away from her. Clarke's body felt numb. Her heart hammered in her chest and her gaze was veiled from the burning tears in her eyes. She was shaking when she stumbled back, her hand reaching for the door behind her. Finn had managed to put on his jeans when he walked towards her, talking to her but Clarke didn't hear anything. Everything around her was like a blur. Her throat was glued together, her cheeks red from anger.

  
"Clarke, I'm sorry. I-"

"Don't!" Clarke shook her head. She looked from Finn to her best friend, her best friend who just fucked her boyfriend! "Don't." Clarke said again and then she backed away. She stumbled out of the apartment, running with her shaky legs as fast as she could. She heard Finn swear again before he ran after her, calling her name but Clarke tried to block him out. She didn't want to talk to him. She didn't want to hear his fucking empty apology, his explanation. She wasn't crying, not until she was alone. As fast as she could, Clarke climbed into her car. Finn was right behind her and she just could barely lock up her car before he reached her, hammering his palm against the window.

"Clarke," he yelled, trying to open the door. "Clarke let me explain."

Let me explain? What did you have to explain here? She saw it. She saw him and Chloe, on the counter, having sex. What the hell did he want to explain to her?! With shaking hands Clarke put the key into the ignition lock, starting her car. She told herself not to cry, not when Finn could see her. Not when she had a twenty minute drive to do. The black haired man still banged his hands against the window, trying to make her listen, to make her stop. Without looking at him she drove off the street. She didn't want to but her eyes flickered to the review mirror. Finn was standing in the middle of the street, his arms clutching his head, cursing.

Clarke didn't cry when she came home. She locked her apartment door, ignoring the 15th call from Finn in the last twenty minutes. The blond put her hand on her mouth, closing her eyes and shaking her head, hoping to get the picture out of her fucking head. She paced around her apartment, ruffling her head before the knot in her throat got too big to swallow. She started to cry, sinking to the floor in the middle of the apartment. How could Finn do this to her? How could her best friend do this to her? What did she do wrong that Finn had to fuck her best friend? Clarke didn't know how long she sat on the floor before she grabbed her phone, scrolling through her contacts to call a specific person.

"Bellamy Blake."

Her heart made a jump at the rough voice at the end of the line. She hadn't heard him in … in years, yeah. The word got stuck in her throat, she had to concentrate on her breathing, to make sure it was steady.

"Hello?" The voice asked again and she could hear him mumbling something about 'What a funny joke' and when he was about to hang up she yelled his name.

"Who is there?"

Clarke swallowed, trying to banish the tears from her eyes. "It's, it's Clarke."

Silence, then he asked in what sounded like disbelief, "Clarke Griffin?"

Clarke nodded, mentally slapping herself, remembering that he couldn't see her so she answered, "Yes." Her voice was still smothered from crying, the tears still ran down her cheeks when he asked what happened.

 

It had been 5.32pm when she called him. That was more than five hours ago. She didn't tell him what exactly had happened but it was like he didn't really bother. The second Bellamy asked her if she wanted him to come, Clarke intended to say no. She didn't want to bother him more than she already had, especially because they hadn't much contact the past five years. But when Clarke opened her mouth to tell him, that he already helped her with just listening – even when she didn't say much – and that he didn't have to come, her answer had been "yes".

"Okay." His voice had been firm, calculating. "I will take off in thirty minutes and try to catch the next plane to Cleveland. Text me your address and if anything happens, call me okay?"

 

Bellamy had texted her an hour later that he was able to take a day off, catching the plane which flew to her hometown. The flight lasted 2,5 hours. He should have been here an hour ago. Clarke started to worry and Finn's calls didn't help her to calm down either. She wanted to switch the phone off, but she couldn't because of Bellamy. Again the young woman paced around when she got a call. It was Finn – again! Clarke was about to ignore him when she decided otherwise and picked her phone up. Before her ex-boyfriend could say anything she told him to stop calling her. How dare he think she wanted to talk to him now and even when she cut him off she managed to hear him say, that he will be at her apartment in twenty.

 

"Don't you dare Finn! Don't you dare and come around! I don't want to see you okay?"

"But Clarke-"

"No! No Finn. And if you will come anyhow I swear I will call the police!" With that she hung up, her cheek flushed with anger and her breath heavy from her bumping heart. Her eyes started to prick again as she stared at her wallpaper. It showed Finn and her on their Christmas vacation. Clarke swallowed, pulling the phone back into her jeans and walking into the kitchen, searching the boards for some alcohol. She just drank the first glass of bourbon when the doorbell rang. Clarke's eyes widened, her heart hammered loudly when she watched at the clock above the kitchen door. Twenty minutes. Did this ass really come over even though her warning to call the police?

 

With furious steps she went to the door, intended to punch him right into his stupid puppy face, when she opened up and stopped in her tracks, because it wasn't Finn who stood in front of her. It was someone she hadn't seen in a very long time and if this said person wouldn't have had his signature smile on his lips, she wouldn't have recognized him.

"Bellamy," she breathed, looking like she couldn't believe he was really here.

"Long time no see princess, huh?" The man smiled at her, even when he knew that she had some issues but Clarke was thankful that he didn't look at her in pity, for now at least. Instead of that he held up his hands. In one hand he had a big ice cream bucket, in the other a horseshoe.

"I thought we could watch some Netflix, eat some ice cream and order some pizza or whatever the hell you want. And this-", he pointed at the horseshoe, "is a mojo. I thought whatever you are going through, you might need a little luck and well, your horse offered it, so – here."

 

He held it out for her and Clarke could barely stop herself from crying when she took the horseshoe because she was overwhelmed by his cuteness. They hadn't seen each other in years and though, he stood in front of her like he was her best friend. Like he was living next door and like it was the most normal thing in the world to help her out. She smiled at him in thanks and let him in, her hands clutching on the horseshoe. Her horse … well it wasn't exactly her horse but when she and her family had been on the ranch Bellamy lived there was a Missouri Fox Trotter which had been her favorite.

He didn't push her. He hadn't asked her why she had called him, why she had been crying and what had happened. He took care of her in her own apartment and she felt so bad. She felt like she would take advantage of him, like she was using him. On the other hand Clarke was grateful that Bellamy hadn't asked, hadn't pushed. She didn't want to talk about Finn. She didn't even want to think about him and her best friend. They had ordered food from her favorite Vietnamese, although Bellamy never ate Vietnamese before, he didn't complain when she asked him to order from there. If anything Bellamy liked it, telling her that it wasn't as bad as he thought it would be and that he might take out Octavia to one of these shops in Houston when he came back.

Clarke asked how everyone was doing on the ranch. It was nice to hear about what was going on in her father's hometown and soon after that, both of them wallowed in their memories. At least until Bellamy asked carefully how she had been doing the last few years, because then it didn't take long and she told him what happened a few hours ago. Why she called him and not anybody else. She stared on the couch table, noticing his intense gaze out of the corner of her eyes.

"…it had been two fucking years Bellamy! Two years and I was gone for three months for my studies. 300 miles. I couldn't come home because of the shifts but everything was okay. We wanted to move in together … or at least I wanted it. I-" Clarke broke. The lump in her throat got too big to speak, even to breathe. She shut her eyes, trying to push the tears away but failing when she looked at Bellamy's gentle face.

"My best friend," she mumbled, "he cheated on me with my best friend. What guy does this?" As soon as the first tear drop rolled down her face she whipped it away but after a few moments she didn't care because it was too much to hold back.

She could see how Bellamy swallowed hard, searching for the right words to say but he didn't say anything when he opened his mouth. Instead he approached her, pulling her into a tight embrace, letting her cry on his shoulders. Just like he had let her five years ago when her father had died. He caressed his hand above her head, stroking the curls softly. "I don't know princess. But for me he doesn't sound like a guy. He's an ass. A coward. He doesn't deserve you okay?"

"I am sorry. I am so sorry that I, that I bother you with this shit. I mean, we haven't seen each other in years and –"

"Hell no Clarke," with a harsh voice Bellamy cut her off, kissing her temple then he continued in a whisper, "Don't make yourself feel bad because you called me okay? I am glad you did."

Clarke's fist was buried in his shirt. She breathed in his smell, felt the firm chest under her hand. Her heartbeat ran fast in its cage. It felt good to be in his arms. It felt too good, to feel this protected and safe. Feeling the warmth of his body right next to her, how his soft breathing ran down her neck straight down her spine. Slowly she managed to catch her breath.

 

"You know, that contact thing isn't a one way. I could have called too." He said guiltily.

"Yeah, you could have." Clarke responded playfully, slamming his chest when she pulled away a little. She dried her cheeks with a tissue, when his deep laugh made her look towards him. Her eyes flickered above his feature. It was the first time she really paid attention to his appearance.

That his skin was darker than she remembered and that his jawline had gotten more marked. When she saw the freckles across his nose and on his cheeks she remembered how desperately she wanted to have these herself when they first met as kids. Clarke's eyes dropped from his eyes to his lips. She swallowed hard, feeling the flattering heartbeat in her chest. She looked at the scar over his upper lip, asking herself how he got it because the last time she had seen him the scar wasn't there. Slowly her gaze crawled back to his eyes that looked at her in such an intense gaze that it gave her a hot chill.

She could barely breathe when Bellamy's warning voice reached her ear.

" _Clarke_ …"

She blinked, looking up at her hand which was buried into his hair and she couldn't remember when she put it there but now that she was aware of it she realized how soft it was. How thick his hair was and how badly she wanted to touch it when he would go down – Clarke shook herself out of her thoughts. She pulled her hand out of Bellamy's hair and mumbled an apology.

The man across her licked his lips, looking at her in a mix of understanding and sadness. He grabbed her gently by the shoulders, opening his mouth to say something but she cut him off, again.

 

"I, I think we should go to sleep now. Your flight will be in a few hours." She stood up, grabbing the leftovers and the half empty bourbon bottle, rushing into the kitchen and trying to ignore the fast pulse in her ears. She was drunk, a little at least. A few hours ago she found out that her boyfriend and her best friend were cheating on her. She wasn't herself right now, was she? She hadn't seen Bellamy in years. She was a broken woman. She couldn't feel all the wanting she did right now, right? She wasn't allowed to. Clarke didn't want to take advantage of Bellamy. Not anymore.

"Clarke?"

Clarke span around, seeing a guilty looking man a few steps away from her.

"Clarke, look, I- -"

She didn't know what he wanted to tell her, she didn't care because all she wanted was to kiss him. And so she did. She closed the distance between them, crashing her lips to his and trying to hold him close when he pushed her away.

"Clarke", he said for the third time and managed to break their lips apart.

She looked up at him, seeing the pain, the twist on his face. Her breathing was heavy, her heart slammed fast against her ribs. Before Bellamy could say anything she put her finger on his lips, mumbling that it was okay but when she got on her tiptoes to kiss him, Bellamy backed away.

"No, no Clarke it's not okay. You are drunk. And hurt. You- -"

"- - wanted to be loved. Yeah, that's right Bellamy. I wanted to be desired by someone because my boyfriend cheated on me and I'm not feeling worthy, okay? I am broken, I am drunk and I am hurt. I know all this Bellamy. And I know that I already took too much advantage of you. I am sorry, I am sorry that we hadn't talked with each other for such a long time. I am sorry that I bother you with my shit. I am sorry that … . God Bellamy, all I want is to forget, okay? It is one night. One. Night. Just make me forget. Make me feel sexy." He swallowed hard "I mean, look at you – you are incredibly handsome and I'm sure I will not be your first right?"

Bellamy slightly shook his head, answering her in a rusty voice. "No"

"Good, then help me out of this. Please. No hard feelings, I promise you."

Bellamy looked at her in silence for a long time. His eyes flickered between her eyes and her lips and back upwards. He ruffled his hair with one hand, breathing out loudly.

"I still don't think that this is a good idea." His voice was a whisper, sounding so desperate that Clarke knew that he would give in. She could see it in his eyes, which were full of wanting and lust.

She took a step forward, letting her hands slip above his chest behind his neck, pulling herself up at him. She looked into his deep brown eyes, her lips nearly touching his when she said something he used to tell her when they were little: "Live a little Blake."

She could hear the deep groan from the back of his throat when she laid her lips on his, kissing him slowly but full of anticipation and promises. It didn't take him longer than three seconds before he responded to the kiss, burying his one hand into her hair while the other grabbed her waist, pulling her closer. Clarke moaned loudly when Bellamy's tongue slipped into her mouth harshly. Without breaking the kiss she led them into her bedroom, letting him make her forget about what happened today. Letting him make her scream his name when she fell over the edge. Letting him go when he walked out of the door the next morning without waking her up.

She just let him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter we are back to the present - and to Bellamy xD


	3. Out of the picture

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy meets the little Clarke and having a hard time during the dinner ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys, I am sorry the update took me so long but like I have told you before, I just started a new job and it’s great but also very intensive and I don’t have the time or the energy to write much during the weekends. I hope it gets better at the beginning of October, when I found my routine … 
> 
> I hope you like this chapter – it’s one of my favorites :) Tell me what you think about it, it’s Bellamy’s POV, which I really like to write.
> 
> Oh and before I forget it – thank you sooo much for the great response on the first two chapters. I really liked to read that you haven’t seen this kind of story before and that you like it – I hope it stays this way xD
> 
> Thanks to my beta – [url=https://www.fanfiction.net/u/5466809/]pandorathefirst[/url]

But they had used a condom. Bellamy remembered the night when Clarke kissed him in the middle of her kitchen and how he gave in because ... he was a man after all. Also the 23 year old Clarke was way more attractive than the 17 year old one, even when she had been crying. He remembered how they stumbled into her bedroom, tearing down their clothes. How he went down on her, biting into her thighs, feeling her fingers running through his hair when she came. How they had gone for another round and how her shaky breath told him to grab the condom out of the nightstand. They had used a fucking condom!

Bellamy was still in shock. Swallowing hard, licking his lips and trying to tear his eyes from the little Clarke to the big one. This couldn't be real. He felt like someone had pulled the ground from under his feet. This. Was. Impossible. He knew that he was staring, that he looked like he just saw a ghost but could you blame him? Clarke and he hadn't seen each other for four years now and when Kane had told him that she would visit them with her mother he had been so excited to see her again. Just like a little boy on Christmas morning and Marcus had definitely spoke about two Griffin women, not three. And when he expected to greet a 27 year old beautiful woman, it turned out that she was all this but that she also was a mother. Bellamy's throat went dry when he realized that the two blonds reached him.

"Hey." Clarke smiled up towards him, letting her daughter's hand go and pulling Bellamy into a hug. She was so fast that his hat nearly fell down. He huffed, held his hat with one hand while he balanced himself and Clarke with the other arm, preventing them from falling because of her stormy gesture. It took the cowboy a few seconds to let the thought of Clarke being back to sink in before he returned her hug tightly. He pulled his arms a little closer, breathing in her scent and hoped that she wouldn't notice how fast his heart was beating. God, he had almost forgotten how small she was. When she squeezed him a little closer Bellamy let out a low chuckle, "Don't crush me to death princess."

The sound of her laugh made him smile in satiation. It was nice to hear this kind of sound coming out of her because the last two times he had met her, she had barely even smiled.

"Sorry. It's just too good to see you again," she muttered into the spot where his neck met his shoulder and gave him a peck on his cheek as she let go. She had a wide smile on her face. Her eyes were shining and seriously, Bellamy couldn't remember the last time she seemed this happy. He mirrored her facial expression and had nearly forgotten that they weren't alone if Clarke hadn't broken the gaze to turn towards the little girl.

Bellamy swallowed, his heart hammering loudly when he followed her with his eyes. The blond woman got on her knees, taking the little hand into hers and whispering something into the small ear. Bell told himself to keep it together. He didn't know how old this girl was and only because Clarke and he had slept together once it didn't mean that this girl was his, right? She could also be Finn's, even when he didn't like the idea of him still being in Clarke's life after what he did or maybe Clarke was with someone else already? He had no proof that he was the father. Just because she had brown eyes. So Bellamy tried to push the thoughts aside and bent down on his knee, taking of the hat from his head, ignoring the hammering heartbeat and swallowing down the urge to ask Clarke right away if she was his.

 

He had a gentle smile on his lips when he eye-leveled with the kid who clutched onto her mother's hand even harder, trying to hide behind her and it would have amused him when the words hadn't got stuck in his throat as he watched the girl more closely. It wasn't like she only had brown eyes, she had also a few freckles around her nose, just a few and barely to see but they were there. The heat crawled up on his neck, his stomach twisted. What the hell was happening here? Bellamy cleared his throat, fixing the smile on his face before he talked to the shy person in front of him.

"Well and who is this little princess here?"

Out of the corner of his eyes he saw how Clarke started to smile when he used her own nickname. The kid watched him with her big eyes, a finger between her lips before turning shyly towards her mother. Bellamy couldn't help but chuckle lowly at this picture. She was too cute. No matter if she was related to him or not.

Clarke laughed, rubbing her daughter's back and telling her, that she didn't have to be shy. But of course she was. She was what, two or three years old? And he was a stranger, of course she would be shy, Bellamy thought to himself while switching his gaze from the small Griffin to the big one who started to introduced her.

"Bellamy, this is Meadow. She is my daughter."

 

He tried not to let show any of his thoughts he had the last two minutes on his face or not to tense when Clarke said 'my daughter'. Instead he kept smiling, turning towards the girl – Meadow – and held out his large hand carefully when he greeted her.

"Wow, you didn't just look beautiful, your name also is." He charmed, getting a skeptical look from Clarke because, come on, Meadow was a kid. She wouldn't get the compliment. "I'm Bellamy."

 

Meadow kept watching him with her big eyes before burying her face into her mother's chest, making her laugh. "Come on Mea, don't play shy. Say hello to Bellamy."

"Clarke, don't force her. It's just a hello." Bellamy didn't want to make Meadow feel uncomfortable. Also he didn't want to start with her on the wrong foot. By the look on Clarke's face he knew that she wasn't okay with it but she gave in anyways, laughing against Meadows temple how silly she was and kissing the girl's face as she pulled her into her arms.

Both adults straightened up and while Bellamy put back on his hat Clarke shifted Meadow in her arms to find a more comfortable position to hold her. Bellamy looked at the two of them for a quiet moment and clearing his throat when the silent became too awkward.

"So, the princess became finally the queen, huh?" He joked, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans. Again Clarke let out a laugh. "Something like that," Clarke responded.

Bellamy nodded slightly, before a question left his mouth he didn't want to ask. At least not right now.

 

"And where is the king?" It didn't sound as amused as his first suggestion. He was kind of serious, even when he tried to hide it behind a smirk.

Clarke tensed up but opening her mouth to answer him when Abby called out for her to come inside and greet the others.

"I'm coming," she shouted over Bellamy's shoulder towards the entrance and smiled in apology. "I should go."

Bellamy blinked before nodding abrupt. "Yeah, of course. I, I will see you at dinner."

 

They both smiled before Clarke passed him, walking towards the building, and the little version of herself on her arms. Bellamy's eyes followed her and he got lost in his thoughts when Meadow turned her head towards him, smiling and waving which made him mirror her actions. Even when his had barely moved and a mix of a frown and an amused smile were on his face. He huffed and shook his head, "Not so shy at all."

_______________________

An hour later, at 7pm, they were having a delicious dinner. Octavia was a brilliant cook but tonight she outdid herself. Bellamy could already smell the food at the entrance when he got back from the field where he was bottle-feeding the calf. He rushed over to the bathroom, washed his hands and made his way through the kitchen. He put his hat on the counter before greeting everyone at the table, taking his own seat.

"Sorry I am late. But I had to feed the maverick and it was harder than I thought." He chuckled slightly and saw how Clarke opened her mouth to probably ask him what he was talking about when Kane spoke up.

"No problem. Well, now that everybody is here I want to say some words first before we'll fill our stomach with O's wonderful cooking." Bellamy grinned when Octavia blushed a little. She was Kane's housemaid for more than five years now. She had cooked hundreds of dinners but her cheeks still got red when the boss complimented her cooking skills.

 

"I'm flattered to welcome back two, well now three, of our family members."

He looked at the Griffin women and Bellamy could tell that Abby wanted to interfere but Kane continued just a second later, holding his hand up.

"You are Abby, all of you. You are, were and always will be a part of the Kane Ranch and this family. I am glad you decided to celebrate your 50th birthday here with us. To revisit some old memories and to make a few new ones." His look moved from Abby to Clarke and stopped at Meadow – who really didn't pay any attention but was looking across at all the strange faces around the table - when he raised his bottle.

 

"I also want to thank Octavia for this really delicious meal. Without your cooking my boys,-"

"And girls," Raven interrupted, which made the group chuckle.

"- and girls," Kane added with a smirk, "they all wouldn't be able to help me as good as they do and so the Ranch wouldn't be as great as it is. Thank you O and now, cheers. Enjoy your meal."

 

The group responded with a loud "Cheers" before taking a sip from their drinks and starting the dinner. Bellamy's eyes were fixed on his sister whose cheek got even darker. He was so damn proud of her. She wasn't just his little sister anymore who needed his protection – not that it stopped him to protect her anyway– and if she wanted she could go out into the world and show it her badass-ness. But she didn't want to. She was happy with her life here in Cat Springs and Bellamy would be lying if he said that he wasn't glad for her staying. She was his only blood related family after all. Octavia smiled shyly across the table at him when he winked at her in return and joined the others to fill his plate.

 

It was a nice atmosphere. Everybody talked with everyone and the Griffins fitted into their conversations perfectly. It was like they never had been away. From time to time Bellamy glimpsed across the table, watching Clarke interacting with her daughter. The blond woman cut the food into little bits so Meadow only had to put it on the fork and into her mouth. But it wasn't as easy as it looked, at least the little girl never hit her mouth with the first try and mostly she grabbed the food with her little fingers from the plate or the fork into her mouth. She was a sunshine thoroughly. She made everybody smile and always wanted to share her food with Raven who sat right next to her. Bellamy smiled in amusement and his thoughts just drifted away, when -

 

"So Bellamy," addressed Abby to Bellamy with a gentle smile and caught his attention from the scene where Clarke and Raven tried to talk with each other but Meadow always starting to cut them off with some babble. "Marcus told me you are his second now. That's really impressive."

Bellamy laughed awkwardly but nodded as he answered, "Yes I am."

"He is the best." Miller, who sat next to Bellamy and slapped his right shoulder like a proud father, even when he was two years younger than Bell.

 

Bellamy looked at Miller, both of his brows disappearing behind the black curls on his forehead, clearly asking silently if he was serious when Kane agreed with Nathan's statement and got Bellamy's attention, even when he tried to hide it.

"He really is Abby. I mean he literally grew up here. Nobody knows this place better than him."

Bellamy felt the heat in his head and cursed the redness in his cheeks. He knew about his qualities and skills but he was just like Octavia. He didn't feel comfortable with compliments. He bit the inside of his bottom lip, trying to cool his head down when Clarke asked him how long he was Kane's second.

 

His gaze flickered towards the blonde who sat on the other end of the table. It was the first time their eyes met across the table after starting dinner. "For three years now." He answered.

"Wow," Clarke said, smiling reassuring and proudly, "then you were 29. That really is impressive Bellamy."

 

He couldn't help but let his chest swallow a little of Clarke's words. He slowly mirrored her smiling, totally forgetting about the others around them when she held his gaze. Bellamy only realized how he has started to drown in her blue eyes when she suddenly looked away because Kane spoke to her. His heartbeat calmed down, buteven then he still felt a little dizzy and ignored Octavia's suspicious looks who silently asked him if she missed anything, when he turned towards his food. But only a minute later he raised his head up again when Clarke said what she was doing for living.

 

"What?" He asked raspy, pinning his eyes on her slightly flushed face, a deep frown on his forehead. "I thought you were studying med. What happened to that?"

 

Clarke's face reddened even more when she locked her eyes with his again. As long as Bellamy remembered Clarke always wanted to be a doctor. She had been studying medicine when he was with her four years ago. She always tried to help the vet when she was on the ranch and one of the animals had been sick. Clarke had put her hair into a ponytail, playing doctor and had been an annoying little miss- know- it -all because her mother was a surgeon and she wanted to be one herself one day.

 

"How do you know Clarke was a med?" Octavia asked puzzled and of course she did because no one knew that Bellamy and Clarke's last meeting wasn't nine but four years ago. Bellamy didn't answer Octavia's question. His gaze was hard against Clarke and an uncomfortable silence fell over the table.

"I," Clarke started and clearing her throat twice, "I had to break off."

"Why?"

Like it wasn't obvious.

 

Clarke held his gaze for a second before answered him. "Because I found out that I was pregnant and after Meadow's birth I realized that I don't want to be a mother who is working double shifts and is barley home, and is forced to watch her kid being raised by its grandmother."

Her words sank in. His heartbeat paced up slowly before the blood was rushing in his ears, asking her the question from earlier, this time without hiding the seriousness behind a smirk.

 

His voice was hard and low. "What about the father? He could have –"

"He is out of the picture, so no Bellamy, he couldn't and cannot help me with raising her."

 

Her voice was firm, her eyes never let go of his. Bellamy's jaw clenched, his body tensed immediately when she cut him off. The father was out of the picture. His stomach twisted, his brown eyes flickered to the blond little girl next to Clarke who was more interested in her dinner than in the conversation her mother and he had. He knew that he should probably leave it at this point. That it wasn't either the right time or the right place to push any further but he couldn't resist the urge to inquire. He had to know. Bell sat his eyes back on hers, trying to take yet the smallest reaction on her face, searching for the tiniest hint that he was right. That Meadow was his daughter. 

 

It was so quiet you could hear a pin being dropped. "Where is he?" Bellamy broke the silence.

Clarke swallowed and for a split second Bellamy thought her eyes softened like she wanted to tell him, that she was sorry but then it was gone, so maybe it never had been there at all.

 

"Out of the picture."

"You already said that."

"So why did you ask?"

"Damn it Clarke, because I want to know if she –"

 

He managed to stop himself just in time. His palm was flat on the table – which he had punched a second before, making everybody flinch. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath before he looked at her again. He wet his lips and swallowed his anger. Couldn't she understand how he felt right now? How confusing this was for him? They hadn't seen each other for four years now and now at their reunion she had a daughter. Who didn't only have his exact brown eyes but also little freckles over her tiny nose? And was about three years old? He wasn't that stupid, just because he came out of a small town and didn't do med school like her.

 

When he finally calmed himself down, he tried to ignore the heavy silence that has settled over the dining room and the disappointed and slightly scared looks of the people who surrounded him. His jawbone popped out as he pressed his teeth together, taking his eyes off of her and towards his plate.

The silence was unbearable. Nobody said a word or ate, except John Murphy. He was a great guy, a hell of a worker but he didn't give a shit about awkward situations like this because when he was hungry, he ate. No matter if it was appropriate or not.

 

Bellamy was still staring at his plate. The blood ran angrily through his veins. He could feel his heartbeat in his ears, the shocking look from Octavia, hear the gasps from Raven or the intense glance from his boss but he didn't care because for the very first time Bellamy Blake damned himself for answering the phone call he got four years ago.

 

______________________________________________________________________________________

Sooo, what do you think? xDDD It’s getting explosive … and maybe a little hot between them?! :P


	4. The Talking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke is having more than one talk after the dinner disaster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uf, I don't know what to say and I'm not sure if you want to hear me saying "I'm sorry for not updating this fic since September" but well, I am doing it anyways. I am sorry but I have told you that I would start a new job at the 1st September and it kept me really busy. Also I had a heavy writers block and fell in love with Prison Break (it's just as twisted as the100 and I am excited for the 5th season next year) but I am rambling. I had many problems with continue the writing but I want to finish this fic and I will. I've started writing again, so I hope I will end this fic by the end of February. I won't promise any update-schedule but I don't want to let you wait this long again! 
> 
> I hope you are still reading this fic and like the upcoming chapter. It's from Clarke's POV.  
> Thanks again to my beta-reader [Pandorathefirst](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/5466809/). Thank you for believing in me!

"I'm sorry my brother was such a dick Clarke."

Octavia apologized for the third time while both women cleaned the table. The rest of the dinner was horrible. You could have cut the tension between Bellamy and Clarke. They hadn't talked to each other for the rest of the dinner. God, he hadn't even looked at her. As good as Bellamy was at ignoring Clarke, she had a lot more trouble ignoring her mother's stirring gaze. She never liked it when Clarke talked about dropping out of med school and her decision to not to go back. Abby and her had a lot of fights because Clarke never told Abby the truth about the father. One day her mother started to accept the choice of her daughter but she could never agree with her. So the blond was sure that her mother would bring it up as soon as she got the chance. One more reason to stay in the kitchen and help Octavia with the dishes. Octavia told her that she didn't need any help but Clarke insisted and while O washed up the plates and cutlery, Clarke dried them. 

Clarke shook her head. "No problem. It's not your fault. Besides, I should have remembered his bad temper." She winked at the dark haired woman who let out a short laugh.

"Yeah, but he still was a dick. I still don't get why he acted this way." Octavia mumbled and slowed down in her movements when she looked at Clarke with a curious glance. Clarke swallowed. Her heart rambled in her chest and she hoped that her face was better at hiding her emotions because Octavia looked like she would know something or at least that she had a suspicion. The blond cleared her throat and grabbed the next plate to dry.

"I mean that was weird, even for Bellamy and –"

"I don't know. He had always been protective. It's Bellamy we are talking about right?" Clarke explained and the tone of her voice must have told Octavia to drop the subject because the brunette did. And Clarke was very thankful for that. Or at least she thought Octavia got the hint because not shortly after the younger Blake told her how cute Meadow was and what a dick the father must be for not being around to see his daughter and help Clarke raising her.

This time Clarke forced a weak smile. She didn't want to talk about it with O. She didn't want to talk about Meadow's father at all. It was going to be hard enough to have the talk with her mother – again, who was putting Meadow to bed right now. It wasn't that Clarke wasn't grateful for her mother's help, quite the opposite. She didn't know how she would have done all these things without her help but there still were a few unresolved things between them which made Clarke feel even guiltier.

"So, you have a bakery in Cleveland?" Octavia said, clearly wanting to change the subject to light up the atmosphere. It wasn't the best subject but everything was better than to talk about the 'who or where is Meadow's father' mystery. Also, Clarke was very proud of her own little company, even when her mother helped her with starting it.

"It's a pastry shop, yes. It's not really big but it's … it's mine. After I decided to drop out of med school I hung in the air, didn't know what to do because becoming a doctor was the only thing I ever really wanted. But like I said earlier, I want to raise my daughter by myself. I want to be with her when she starts walking and talking. I know it sounds harsh but I don't want to be like my mother. She had always been working so hard and I barley saw her sometimes. My dad was also hard working but he had been around more. They both loved me, my mother still does but I don't know … I want to do better you know? I want to spend my time with Meadow instead of being in surgery most of the day. I love helping people and it always felt like my destiny to do so, but the day I found out I was pregnant everything changed. I had to make decisions not for my own but for my child too. She is my everything. I love her with every piece of my heart."

Octavia shortly nodded. "So, why the pastry?"

"Because after my dad died I started to bake – a lot." Clarke slightly chuckled at the memory of the kitchen flour stains and sticky bowls.

"It was something my dad and I used to do once in a while and after his death the baking made me feel close to him you know? And I never gave up on that. I got better and better and three years ago somehow I ended up with my own pastry shop."

"And you work there by yourself or do you have someone who works for you?"

"First I was alone but now I can afford two workers; Anya and Lexa. They both are taking care of the shop right now," Clarke explained and finished drying the last plate.

"Wow, that is really impressive Clarke. Having your own business, being a single-mom. Maybe, we could bake something together while you are here?"

"I would love to."

Octavia nodded joyfully. "That would be awesome. I'm a good cook but my baking skills aren't the best."

"I'm sure you are better than you think you are."

"Maybe," shrugged Octavia and drained the water out of the sink. Then there was a silence before Clarke cleared her throat. There was something she hadn't the chance to tell Octavia and Clarke wanted her to know, so she grabbed the brunette's arm when she said, "I'm sorry O … about your mother. I didn't know and if I did I should have at least called you and –"

"It's okay Clarke." Octavia smiled gently and it made Clarke feel even worse. "It's … it happened a long time ago and we haven't had much contact. I don't blame you okay?"

"I know you don't but I should have been there for you like you had been there for me when my father died."

Octavia shook her head and sighed quietly. "Don't blame yourself Clarke." Again a gentle smile played across her lips and it was surprising, even if it shouldn't be, how alike Octavia and Bellamy were. The woman slightly nodded before Octavia excused herself to Clarke.

"I'm sorry Clarke but I have an appointment in half an hour so I have to go."

"An appointment at half past nine in the evening?" Clarke asked amused and when Octavia's lips spread into a bright grin the woman knew that it wasn't just a casual appointment.

"Well, yeah." O winked at her and told her how glad she was that Clarke and Abby were back at the ranch before she headed out.

"Me too."

______________________________________________________________________________________________________

"Clarke, I am not asking you again."

"Then don't mom."

The two Griffin women had met on the first floor when Clarke was about check in on her sleeping daughter and her mother really had the nerves to ask her what happened at dinner. She asked her four times already and every time Clarke tried to shake her off, she just kept going. Why couldn't Abby just leave it there? They all were tired, they had a long day and the fight between Bellamy and her didn't make it better and just added to the weight on her shoulders. But she should have known her mother. She wouldn't let go so fast so Abby asked her again, which made Clarke almost lose her grip.

"What do you want me to say mom?"

"I want you to tell me what the hell happened at dinner? Why was Bellamy so curios about Meadow's father?" The woman's eyes went into slits, she had crossed her arms in front of her chest and Clarke knew that it was only a matter of time before they would reach the next explosive subject – dropping out of med.

Clarke groaned. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, hoping to calm herself down a little. It didn't really work. Clarke licked her lips. "I don't think it's the right place to talk about this." They were in the middle of the floor for god's sake! Everybody could hear them, though the entire staff still was at the evening brief with Kane.

Her mother raised an eyebrow. "Clarke-"

"I-don't-know-mom!" The words came out louder and sharper than she indented them to be but she was losing her patience and slowly she started to regret her decision to come here with her mother. Clarke's hand ran through her blond hair when she shrugged. "I don't know why Bellamy had been so angry okay? He always had been the protective type and –"

"Honey, I told you that I would support you as long as I think it's necessary. But you never told me who the father is. God, you dropped out of med because of –"

Clarke loudly groaned. "Oh please. Not that again Mom! I made my decision, okay? I decided to be there for my kid. I choose the family instead of my career and I did the right choice. I never asked for any help – you came to me by yourself and don't get me wrong mom, I am very glad I have you by my side but I am so fucking sick of getting blamed for what I did!"

"I don't blame you Clarke."

"No. You are just not okay with my choices."

"I don't want you to regret it later okay? Did you ever think about how Meadow will feel when you tell her that you gave up your dream because of her?"

"How dare you mom! I told you, I'm not regretting what I did –"

"Not now but –"

"No mom! I won't talk to you about it any longer. I don't need this crap."

With that she turned on her heels and rushed down the stairs. Her mom called after her but Clarke didn't listen. How dare her mother tell her that she would blame Meadow one day for dropping out of med school. Clarke was furious. Her heart pumped in anger in her chest. The blood rushed through her veins and tears started to build up in her eyes because she was so mad at her mother. Clarke was getting sick of this subject. Every-single-time her mother brought it up. Clarke had made a choice and she was sure that she never regretted it. She would love her daughter until the end of time, no matter what. With teary eyes she stepped out of the porch and breathed out heavily. She swallowed the knot in her throat and pulled the cardigan closer around her body. First the fight with Bellamy and now her mother – today had been a shitty day!

 

"You want one?"

Clarke jumped at the deep voice coming from besides her. She hadn't noticed that she wasn't alone. Her hand hovered over her heart when she closed her eyes and pulled herself together. With a shaking smile she looked at the man whose arms were on the railing, a cigarette in his left hand.

"Bellamy, you scared the hell out of me."

"Sorry princess," he smirked and gazed down at the pack of cigarettes he held out. "Want one? You look like you could use one."

Clarke rejected his offer with a head shake. "Probably, but thank you. I don't smoke anymore."

Bellamy's eyebrows popped up, "Really?"

"Yeah I stopped after I found out about I was pregnant." Clarke explained and forgotten the argument with her mother. But the fight with Bellamy was still present. It got even stronger when she heard his nearly inaudible "Of course you did."

He put the pack away in his jeans pocket and took another drag from the cigarette. Clarke watched him before leaning on the railing as well and let her eyes fly across the dark landscape. The tension between them had eased a little. Not much but Clarke didn't feel uncomfortable standing next to him. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She could smell the cool fresh air. Besides the smoke from Bellamy's cigarette it was the typical smell of being out here. It was so quiet and peaceful. So different than the city.

She opened her eyes and saw Bellamy looking at her out of the corner of his eyes before he gazed towards the darkness.

"You want to talk about it?"

Clarke frowned. Talk about what? Her forehead was in a deep V when she turned to look at Bellamy who licked his lips and took a hit from the cigarette. "Talk about what?"

The low chuckle gave her a cold shiver. Her stomach dropped a little at the sound of his voice and Clarke couldn't deny that his suggestion made her nervous because she had an idea of what he wanted to talk about. To her surprise Bellamy asked her if she wanted to talk about what happened because she seemed pretty upset when she came down a few moments ago.

"Oh," Clarke mumbled and was relieved that he didn't want to talk about Meadow. She couldn't stand another fight today.

He puffed out the smoke through his nose when she sighed loudly. "I had a fight with my mother." She rubbed her forehead and didn't even try to hide the tiredness.

Bellamy nodded shortly. "About what?"

Clarke bit down her bottom lip, thinking about what to say, and then she let out another sigh.

"Dropping out of med school, like always."

This time Bellamy stayed quiet. His lips had curved into a gentle smile which Clarke slowly mirrored. It made her feel lighter, like he took of some weight off of her shoulders. It was strange that Bellamy could make her feel this way, especially because they hadn't much contact after his visit. They hadn't talked much to each other throughout the years but Clarke had her reasons.

They both held their gazes a little bit longer before Clarke cleared her throat and looked away.

"It's still so beautiful out here," she whispered softly. Some things had changed, some things were completely new but all in all Clarke recognized that a lot of things remained the same as in her childhood.

"It is." Bellamy agreed with her and when Clarke looked towards him and he quickly tore his gaze away from hers, as if she had caught him doing something forbidden. It was too dark, but Clarke was sure that his cheeks were a little pink but she couldn't tell for sure so she dropped it. Her eyes flickered to his jaw and cheekbones, down his broad shoulders and to his firm chest. Bellamy looked even more grown-up. He was more in shape than four years ago and Clarke wondered if there was a six pack under the shirt. The sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and gave away a tanned and toned skin. Her eyes slowly crawled back to his face. Only then she realized that he turned towards her, watching her watching him. With the same smirk on his face he had so many years ago when he stood at her door in Cleveland. And it set free the same weird feeling in her guts. Clarke blushed, she could feel it and as she tried to make it go away she only made it worse.

She smiled awkwardly and searched her damn mind for something to say to distract him from the fact that she checked him out … because she had, obviously.

"So," she started with a more confident smile now, "you are Marcus' second. Never took you for the responsible type of a guy."

He chuckled at her – admittedly bad - joke. "I'm full of surprises princess. You should know that. But yeah I am. But it's not like I have any other options down here."

Clarke blinked. She shook her head because he couldn't just wave this off like it was nothing.

"What? Bell -" she saw how Bellamy stiffened at his nickname. She hadn't used it since they were kids, "- you are the man behind Kane for all this here."

She spread her arms and looked around at their surroundings. "Everyone respects and listens to you. You know every meter of this fucking land and the people love you. Besides, if something happens to Marcus this would all be yours, so don't talk it down like you haven't reached anything in your life. You have got a lot more than a lot of people I know up in Ohio."

Her voice was convincing, her gaze hard like she wanted him to believe her and after a few moments his features softened.

She saw his Adam's apple plopping up and down as he swallowed, his eyes flickering about her face. His skin was toned; the black hair was curlier than she remembered. What she did remember was how good it felt between her fingers. How thick it was and how the stubble on his jaw tickled a little when his head was between her tights. Clarke blushed at the memory and took her gaze away from Bellamy.

The new silence was heavier and she could see his intense gaze. She waited for him to say anything but he didn't, so Clarke started to talk again. "You did good Bellamy. You are doing well here. You can allow yourself to be proud. I am sure your mom would be."

He smiled slightly. "Yeah, she would be." It was a whisper and the moment Clarke had mentioned his dead mother, the same guilty feeling she had when she was with Octavia spread through her body. She swallowed hard and said lowly, "Bellamy, I am sorry for your loss."

"Thanks. But you don't have to be."

"Of course I have to be," she snapped, "I knew your mom and I really liked her. I'm sorry I didn't know. You, you should have told me when-"

"When what? When I flew across the country to help you out of your mess? Surely Clarke, but you know that I never would have made this about me when I was with you." He sounded bitter. What happened at the dinner still hung between them, Clarke sensed it more than ever.

She sighed. "I know but still you should have told me about your loss! I would have come to the funeral. Say goodbye and, and I would have been there for you. For both of you. You and O." She felt the tears trying to find their way back into her eyes. But she refused to take her eyes off of Bellamy when he looked at her in silence.

Then he started to talk, clearing his throat, "I thought your mother told you about it."

Clarke shook her head. "Kane and she hadn't much contact back then. But she did tell me, half a year later after you visited me. And I just felt so bad because I … you had so much on your own plate and then I was calling you, bothering you and-"

"Woa, Clarke. Stop it. You didn't bother me okay? You don't have to feel bad or blame yourself because I didn't tell you my mother died and you weren't here. Everything is okay. It's past anyway … besides, you had your share of things to think about."

Was he talking about Meadow?

He licked his lips before he parted them, taking a deep breath and Clarke felt like the world was going down. He would ask her about him being the father. She was so, so sure. Clarke prayed to God that he wouldn't because what was she supposed to tell him?

"Clarke-", her stomach dropped by the sound of her name, her legs were shaking and she wanted to puke, vanish into the air, do something, anything other than be here.

"Clarke, I –"

"Bellamy!" It was Murphy. Thank God, Clarke thought. The guy's head popped out of the living room, a questioning look on his face. "We want to grab a drink at Jonty's. Do you want to come with us or what?"

By the look on Bellamy's face Clarke could tell that Bellamy wanted to kill Murphy right now for his bad timing. She wanted to thank Murphy for it instead. He saved her ass. Bellamy's jaw clenched and before he could answer his friend Clarke cleared her throat.

"I just wanted to go to bed anyway. It was a long day. Have fun guys. See you tomorrow. Good night." With that she sent Bellamy and Murphy a small smile and headed into the house. Her heart racing in her chest. God, she was so screwed. Not only because Bellamy wanted to talk about Meadow but also because Bellamy had become not hot, but super superhot.

So hot that the cold shower she took didn't help at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Murphy ... :P I promise you, THE talk is about to come ;-)


	5. The Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy tries to distract himself from Clarke, preparing the birthday party and talks to both Griffin women - finding out the truth?! :/

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, it’s me again. With a new chapter :- )  
> But first I just wanted to thank you all for your kind words and the comments I got on the last chapter. You can imagine how great it is that you are reading and LIKING this story. It means the world to me because I am not a native speaker and when I read other fanfictions I feel like mine isn’t as good as theirs but you are reading this, so it can’t be this bad – right?! But whatever – it’s great and I hope you will like this chapter … and I don’t want to spoiler you but it will happen … THE talk xD Don’t punch me okay?! ^^”
> 
> OMG and before I forget it – DID YOU SEE THE The100 TRAILER?! Gnawjkwejwke BELLARKE! They hugged and gosh it was too much for my little heart! So intense and heartbreaking … I can’t wait for the new season. It’s about time, don’t you think?! But I will stop now and let you read this … have fun ;)
> 
> [Pandorathefirst](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/5466809/) \- thank you for reading through my work!

Jonty's was a bar which was owned by his sister's friends Monty Green and Jasper Jordan who came to Cat Springs after they finished their studies in Houston. Bellamy never really understood why the guys stayed here instead of earning big money somewhere else in the United States. Both had excellent degrees, both were clever and they could definitely reach something bigger in their lives over owning a little bar in a small town somewhere in Texas. But it seemed like they didn't want to, like they were happy with the things they had and so Bellamy didn't mind them staying in Cat Springs. Besides, their bar was way better than the old Johnson's pub, which wasn't more than a ramshackle hut. The owner, Mike Johnson, was an old man who hadn't much interest nor much money to put into his business, so Jonty's was the only bar in town where you can meet half of the citizens and enjoy the homemade moonshine, which was way better than the old beer you got at the Johnson's bar.

Bellamy always liked spending time with his colleagues and friends. He liked to sit in the bar, drink beer and have a nice chat and play some darts. But when Murphy had interrupted Clarke and him to make sure he would join the rest of the team, Bellamy wanted to kill his friend for his horrible timing. He was so close to ask Clarke if he was the father, so damn close. And she just knew that he wanted to ask her, otherwise she wouldn't have taken advantage of the interruption and rushed into the house. The unknown drove him crazy. Meadow had some freckles and brown eyes just like his, plus she was the right age to be his daughter … and Clarke behavior was more than suspicious. But why would Clarke keep her away from him if she was his? Why wouldn't she have told him earlier? Much earlier! If Meadow really was his daughter he should know, right? That wasn't something you keep to yourself. Also, why should Clarke bring Meadow with her if Bellamy was the father? The risk that he would find out – or at least seem suspicious – was too high, it wasn't worth it right?

But no matter how Bellamy looked at it, he could barely stop his mind from thinking about the two blondes from Cleveland.

 

"Is everything alright?" Miller snapped him out of his thoughts, holding their new drinks in his hands.

It took Bellamy a second to remember where he was, before he nodded, still an absent expression on his face. "Yeah, I am fine."

 

Miller's eyebrows got up. "You don't look like it man."

Bellamy mirrored his friend's face, "Really? How do I look like to you?"

Nathan shrugged while putting the beer on the surface. "Like something is wrong."

"Is there something that should be wrong?" Bellamy asked, still frowning as Miller shrugged again. "I don't know. You tell me." He took a sip from his glass, watching Bellamy carefully.

The dark haired man shook his head, grabbing after the beer. "Everything is fine Miller," he said and drank the cold liquid. He had no interest in talking about Clarke or Meadow with his friend. Not that Miller wasn't someone he couldn't talk to, hell no, quite the opposite but what was he supposed to tell him? That he thought that he was Meadow's father? Then he had to tell Nathan that Clarke and he hadn't seen each other not for nine years but for four. He had to tell him that they had sex and God knows what else Nathan would want to know.

"It's Clarke, right?"

Bellamy choked on his beer, shaking his head while Miller smacked him on his back. Tears burned in his eyes, his throat got rough but after he steadied his breath Bellamy glared at his friend with wide eyes, pretending not to know what Miller meant.

"What? Clarke? What are you talking about?"

Miller licked his lips, shrugging again and pinning his eyes on Bellamy's expression.

"It's just … I don't know, it's like there is something between you two. Something you don't want anyone to know about and –"

"Bullshit Nate."

"- and you seem far too interested in where and who Meadow's father is." Nathan said, totally unimpressed by Bellamy's acting.

"I just care about her okay? I mean, it's not fair to the father that –"

"But it's none of your business Bellamy. You are not the father. You didn't even have much contact with her for the last 9 years. I get that you grew up together and that you kind of care for her but what she is doing is her business and only hers."

Bellamy chewed on his bottom lip, seeking in his friend's word. Of course it wasn't any of his business, if there weren't the slight opportunity that he was the father. And if Meadow would be half a year younger then he wouldn't even think about it but she wasn't. Everything fell perfectly into place God damn it! The eyes, the freckles, the age and Clarke's weird behavior. The cowboy scratched his neck, sighing slightly before pulling himself out of the thoughts. Maybe Miller was right. Maybe he should leave it the way it was. For all he knew was that the Griffins would disappear by the end of the week and then everything would go back to normal … and it would be like they never had been here at all.

"I know," Bellamy mumbled and for a split second he thought about telling Nathan about his thoughts. For a second Bellamy wanted to know what he thought about it, if he, Bellamy, just put too much into this or if his doubts were rightful. But he didn't. Bellamy kept his mouth shut and gulped his beer, before changing the topic.

 

Time passed by, it was quarter past eleven and a couple of beers and cups of Jonty's moonshine later, Bellamy's fingers hovered over the keypad of his phone. He chewed his bottom lip, still deciding if he should write her or if it was better not to. Bellamy was deep in his thoughts as a brunette woman appeared in front of him, taking his phone out of his hands. 

"Hey!" Bellamy complained and shot Raven a glance as she grinned at him playfully.

"So, you wanted to text me, huh?" She said as she looked at the phone before giving it back to him.

Bellamy nodded swiftly.

The grin on Raven's face got bigger as she asked him why he wanted to contact her.

First Bellamy thought about beating around the bush but it wasn't like Raven and him hadn't done it before. They were co-workers and friends but from time to time they shared a bed – or the stall in a bathroom, or a seat in a car. But long story short, they had sex before. Mostly when one of them was drunk or wanted to forget something, or in Bellamy's case someone, for a few hours. It wasn't serious and there were no hard feelings between the two of them – it was just sex. And Bellamy needed sex. He needed to get Clarke out of his mind. Clarke and the stupid thought of being Meadow's father which was floating around in his head.

So the cowboy answered truthfully, "Sex."

The brunette eyed him closely, both hands crossed over her chest. Her eyes flew to the bar, probably searching for Wick but he didn't have shift tonight, actually he was out of town, and so she couldn't play her weird and totally stupid mind game with the barkeeper, who was interested in her. And it wasn't like Bellamy didn't know. Everyone knew, but right now Bellamy didn't care. He had his own problems to deal with.  
"So?" Bellamy asked, almost annoyed.

Raven looked back at him and nodded. "Okay, but first you have to buy me a beer."

Two hours later Bellamy pressed Raven's body against the wall of her bedroom. He kissed her, hooking his hands under her knees, he hoisted her up in one swift movement. Without looking he guided them to her bed, totally aware of his surroundings because it wasn't the first time Bell and her ended up in her small apartment. She hadn't asked him why, why he needed her for a night. And even if she had asked him, Bellamy wouldn't have told her the truth. She didn't need to know he was thinking about Clarke. It would last a few more days only, then the Griffin family would be back home and out of the picture. Bellamy had made the decision that it was probably for the best to let the sleeping dogs lie. Maybe he was the father, maybe he wasn't. If he was, Clarke would have told him … right?

Bellamy shook his head, trying to banish the blonde from his mind, after all, that was the intention behind his actions. He was using Raven as a rebound and she was okay with it because she often used him as well. It was just sex. Sex as a distraction, which definitely worked much better in the past. Because even when the sex with Raven was more than satisfying, Bellamy couldn't get Clarke out his freaking mind.

Raven pushed him slightly away so she could take off her shirt, giving him an excellent view on her small but shapely breasts and the trained body but the moment Bellamy took her in, the dark hair stained blonde, the tanned skin got pale and the brown eyes were out of the deepest blue. The lips were looking soft and pink, which were wearing a shy smile. He felt how his whole body tensed, his eyes looked at her in total awe and his heart jumped into the night sky as he heard her saying his name. Just like the night so many years ago. But she was much more beautiful now, lying underneath him, waiting for him to kiss her and he would. Oh yes, he would kiss her the whole night, for the rest of his life and –

 

"Blake?! Is everything alright?"

Raven pulled him out of his thoughts. He blinked in confusion. "What?"

"Is everything okay?"

"Of course," Bellamy said, cursing himself silently for letting her in his mind, again.

He didn't seem very convincing because Raven's eyebrows were still arched.

He licked his lips, his eyes flying over the brown hair, feeling the disappointment in his guts that it wasn't the color of the shining sun.

"I was just a little distracted, that's everything."

"You know that we are doing this sex thing for distracting us from the things we wanted to be distracted from, right? And if the distracting is distracting you, well, then it's maybe better if we stop. I mean, you know you can also talk to me, right?"

He closed his eyes and breathed loudly through his nose. He nodded before looking at the woman beneath him. "I know but I don't want to okay? Let's, let's just go on with this."

Without waiting for her respond Bellamy put his lips on Raven's neck to kiss her skin, his hands moving over her body and with all his power he was able to shot her out of his head.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
The next morning Bellamy woke up in his own bed. He had left Raven's apartment sometime around three o'clock in the morning, just to sleep a few hours in his own, before getting up again because he had to work. It was shortly after half past five in the morning. Most of the staff just got themselves out of their beds as Bellamy walked over the farm, to feed the maverick, when he saw her.

Clarke was leaning against the horse fence, a cozy cardigan around her body and a mug in her hand. Bellamy stopped in his tracks and eyed her from his position. He sighed heavily, ruffling his hair with one hand, while his mind was running back to the woman who stood a few meters away from him. She looked so peaceful and lost in her thoughts. The sun was just rising, the foals were already playing and he really had to feed the calf but his steps were already taking him towards the blonde.

"Never thought of you as a morning person princess." His teasing made her jump a little.

"Gosh Bellamy," Clarke put her hand on her chest, over her heart because he scared her again, "Is it some kind of habit of yours that you always have to surprise me like this?"

 

He shrugged with his shoulders as he put his arms on the fence, shooting her an apologizing look.

"Actually no, you are just an easy target. But my apologies your highness."

This earned him an annoyed eye-roll from Clarke, who bumped her shoulder against his, as she told him, "Stop this whole princess slash highness crap Bellamy."

"Nope, because I know that you secretly love it." He winked at her, rolling his eyes in return of her stuck out tongue.

"Thank God you know me so well then," Clarke joked with a broad grin on her face and Bellamy couldn't help but feel how his heart tightened painfully, because he wished her statement was true but he didn't know her at all. But instead of changing or saying something he just continued playing the game.

"Thank God."

They were smiling at each other, while a long silence stretched out between them. Bellamy's eyes dropped from her eyes to her lips – they looked so soft and pink. His tongue licked his bottom lip. He wanted to kiss her just one more time. Only once. But he couldn't. He had to stick to his plan, not letting her in. Not caring if he was the father of her daughter or not.

So Bellamy wanted to look away, but instead his eyes lingered over her blonde hair which glew even brighter with the sun rising. He swallowed hard, trying to get his raked heartbeat under control when he realized that Clarke had put her arm around him, biting her inner cheek and letting her eyes shot up from his lips into his eyes. They were sparkling with longing and something else Bellamy couldn't quite put a finger on. Maybe it was the same need he had, to kiss him one more time. For old time's sake or something. Bellamy didn't know and he didn't care because his heart rumbled loudly in his chest as he leaned down slowly, his hand gently placed on her neck. He could hear Clarke's breath hitch, he moved slowly and he already inhaling her scent, hearing her quiet yelp. His eyes were closed. He was a few inches away, the memory of her taste flooding back, the anticipation and knowing that he would feel her, taste her again made him crazy.

He wanted it, he wanted it so fucking bad. She was in his head and now he had the chance to give up his plan. He could kiss her so easily. They were all alone, nobody would see them. It could be their secret. Bellamy's tongue slipped over his bottom lip, before it was captured by his own teeth because instead of bending down and kissing Clarke, he stopped and breathed loudly as words sputtered out of his mouth, words he didn't plan to say, not anymore.

"Am I the father?"

 

Clarke stepped back, her eyes wide and completely surprised – or maybe shocked - by this change of subject. She blinked and the panicked look on her face made Bellamy's guts twist around. He was the father. Oh God, he was –

"What? No, no you are not the father Bellamy!" She said quickly like a shot after she realized what he had just asked her.

"I'm not?"

Clarke shook her head, but barely looked at him. "No."

Suddenly there was a big lump in his throat and a feeling which felt like disappointment in his stomach.

"But, I mean – she is three Clarke. She has the right age and her eyes are like mine. Meadow has freckles and the father is 'out of the picture'. Clarke, Meadow has to be my daughter, she -"

"She is Finn's, okay?!" Her voice was thick, just like she had a knot in her throat as well. She chewed her lip, playing nervously with the sleeves of her cardigan.

It was a punch in the face. This couldn't be true. Finn and she hadn't seen each other for three months back then. If she had been pregnant Bellamy would have seen it, Clarke wouldn't have drunk the bourbon, she wouldn't have slept with him! Although it should be relieving news to him, that he wasn't the father, Bellamy shook his head in disbelief.

"That can't be Clarke," he pressed further, "you two hadn't seen each other for three months, if you had been pregnant already I would have seen it. You –"

"I slept with Finn after you left."

Silence. Bellamy couldn't believe what she was telling him.

"I mean, not literally but three days after you left Finn showed up and told me how sorry he was and some things like that and I … I was still in love with him back then and so I had a relapse and slept with him. One more time. After that I realized how stupid I was and ended it, for good. We, we didn't use protection because I still was on the pill … Meadow is Finn's daughter Bellamy, not yours."

It took him three seconds, maybe even more, to process what she had told him. He looked at her with a blank expression before blinking, trying to get his mind back to work.

"So, wait, she isn't mine?!"

She shook her head. "No."

"And why the hell is the father out of the picture if Finn is the father?"

"Because I didn't tell him. After I told him I wanted to break up for good, he tried to convince me that he would change and that everything could go back to the way it was but I didn't want to. After he realized that we would never get back together, he left and I haven't seen him since then. When I learned that I was pregnant I decided not to tell him."

Bellamy let out a small huff.

"We used protection and I was on the pill Bellamy, even if I hadn't slept with Finn the chance that she is yours are slim to none."

Bellamy swallowed hard, his eyes flying wild from one spot to another but never at Clarke. Now that he knew that he wasn't the father he should be happy, relieved but it was quite the opposite. Now that he knew that Meadow wasn't his daughter he felt … sick and disappointed. The urge to kiss Clarke had vanished completely. His jaw clenched as he took a deep breath through his nose before finding the strength to look Clarke in the eyes again.

"Good. "

"Bellamy, please I –"

"I have to feed the maverick. Sorry I scared you earlier. I'll see you later princess."

He took a big step back before turning around and walking away, hearing Clarke calling out for him one more time before sighing loudly.

So even if everything could go back to normal, Bellamy never felt sicker than right now. He couldn't believe what Clarke just told him. Okay, maybe he didn't want to. Maybe, just maybe, he liked the thought of having a daughter, a kid with Clarke and he knew, he just fucking knew how stupid it sounded because they weren't even real friends anymore.

Bellamy groaned loudly and ran a hand through his curly hair desperately before entering the field where the maverick stood.

\- -- -- - - - - - - - - - - - -- - - - - -

"Okay guys, we are going to set up the tent and the decorations, also the tables, the seats and the bar will be set up today. The birthday party is in two days and there is a lot to do."

Kane instructed his staff and handed Bellamy the plan of how everything should be set up.

He took a short overview and nodded.

"Great," Kane said and clapped his hands, "Miller, Murphy, Reyes and Sterling you will help Bellamy with the tent and the tables. Harper, you will help Octavia with the decorations. The more we can do of the things today, the less we have to do tomorrow."

 

The staff got to work under Bellamy's instruction. Kane had to leave because he had an important meeting in Houston. It wasn't the first party the Kane Range hosted and most of them were working together for a couple of years so they were a good team, but there were some problems though. They had some trouble finding the right position for the tent, so it wouldn't take in too much space but also not standing too far away from the house and the dance floor. The electronics also needed to be minded and Octavia, who was responsible for the decoration part, couldn't decide where she wanted to have the huge table were the birthday cake should be presented until Raven nearly burst with anger because she had to move it for the sixth time.

The sun was still burning even in the afternoon as Bellamy made a last check on everything. His shirt was sticking against his sweaty chest and he was just whipping his forehead with his arm as he heard an impressed gasp.

"This looks beautiful."

The cowboy turned around to see a lightened up Abby Griffin at the tent entrance. Bellamy smiled, crossing his arms over his chest. 

"Glad you like it. It took four hours only to get this damn tent ready."

Abby chuckled and eyed her surrounding before she laid her eyes on him. She had a gentle, nearly memorable and apologizing look on her face when she said,

"Your mom would be proud of you Bellamy."

He swallowed at her words, forcing himself to smile because even when Clarke had said the exact same things to him yesterday, hearing the words from Abby made his heart clench even harder. Maybe it was because she was his mother's age, maybe Abby reminded him a little bit of her. No matter what it was, it made his eyes fill up with tears.

He slowly nodded and wanted to change the subject because he was pretty sure that he might start to cry, but Abby already approached him, pulling him into a hug. The kind of hug a mother gives you when she sees you for the first time after a long time. A hug you got from your mother that promised you that everything was going to be okay and a hug that told you how much she loved you.

Abby's hand caressed his back, her chin lay on his shoulder while she pulled him even closer.

It took him by surprise and his arms hung limp at first before he let her in and returned the hug. Grasping onto her like she was his only light that would guide him out of the darkness.

"Your mom would be so proud of you Bellamy," Abby repeated and again he had to swallow back the tears. He had absolutely no idea why he was so sentimental about this right now or why Abby affected him the way she did.

"And I am so, so sorry I haven't been here for you. I should have been there to say goodbye and to help you. She was my friend after all … and Octavia and you were like my own. I am so sorry Bellamy."

Bellamy buried his face into her neck, closing his arms around her a little tighter and taking a deep breath trough his nose as he recognized that Abby was crying.

"If I hadn't stopped visiting you I could have helped her. I could have told her to see a doctor and … I am just sorry."

Bellamy shook his head, pulling away to face the crying woman. His gaze was intense and he tried to make his voice as clear and steady as he could because he wanted her to listen to him.

"There is nothing you could have done Abby. Nobody knew that she was sick, not even Kane –"

"But I am a doctor, I would have seen the signs. I –"

"No Abby, you wouldn't have. Mom decided to keep it a secret. She didn't want us to know and I am still angry with her that she hasn't said a word until it was too late. It's not your fault that my mother is dead. She died of cancer, and on her own free will. The doctor had told her that there isn't much hope and she wanted to spend the rest of her life in peace. It's not your fault Abby…"

"But it's neither yours." She whipped away the tears, stepping out of the embrace. She took a few breaths before straightening her back.

Bellamy ruffled his hair, sighing loudly. "I know. It's just hard to accept what she did and sometimes I wish it was my fault because then I could be angry with myself and not with her."

Abby smiled. "Maybe you could bring me to her grave? I would like to say goodbye."

"Of course," Bellamy said as he lead Abby out of the tent and towards the far back of the property, where his mother's grave lay, under a great oak tree.

\- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  
It was eight thirty in the evening when Bellamy sat on the couch in his apartment which stood right next to the main building, rubbing his right temple and forehead with his index and the thumb, trying to stop the hammering noise in his head. After he dropped Abby at his mother's grave he waited at the truck for her, watching her carefully as she talked to the grave.

He had barley slept last night and was now tired as hell when there was a knock at his door. With a loud groan Bellamy got up to answer it. With a grumpy expression on his face he opened up and looked right at his sister's boyfriend.

"Lincoln?" His eyebrows went up. "What's on?"

The tall man looked nervous; he rubbed his palms against each other before running one of them over his scalp.

"I, I want to talk to you … about Octavia."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ... ... ... You didn't see that coming right?! Hit me with your thoughts...


	6. The Daytrip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and her daughter are spending the summer day with the clique...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year guys! In less than three weeks we will have our babys back on the TV screen. And I am sooo excited *g* So, to kill some time here is the sixth chapter. I really hope you like it because it was so much fun and easy to write. This and the next chapter are my favorites :P Tell me what you think. And thank you soooo much for the great response. It was so great to read your conjectures and thoughts. Thank you!
> 
> Thanks to [Pandorathefirst](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/5466809/) :-*

"Hey Clarke." The blonde was greeted by a wide smiling Octavia, whose head popped into the guest room where Clarke and Meadow were staying in.

"Hello O," Clarke mirrored the younger woman's smile because, well, because it was Octavia and her smiling always had been contagious. "What's up?"

The brunette stepped in and looked around, probably looking for Meadow.

"She isn't here. She is with my mom somewhere outside," Clarke explained and chuckled to herself as O's smile faded a little.

"Oh, okay. Well, Kane gave the rest of the day off for the staff and some of us want to drive down to Lake Somerville. You know, just to relax, swim, have fun and I wanted to know if you and Meadow want to join us?"

"Yes!" Said Clarke immediately. "Yes, I would love to. This is a great idea. Meadow has never been to a lake before and – oh, uhm, I don't think I brought any swimming clothes with me." Clarke bit her bottom lip.

"Oh no problem! We can stop at a shop and buy you some. Or maybe you'll fit into one of mine? Though…"

She eyed Clarke more closely now, shaking her head, "No. Your boobs are way bigger than mine. That wouldn't really fit. But not that the guys would complain," added Octavia giggling and Clarke's eyes widened in shock. "Octavia!"

The southern girl just shrugged her shoulders, "At least Bellamy wouldn't."

Clarke blinked, gasping after air, feeling her cheeks turning red slightly. "O, please! Stop it."

"Just saying," mumbled Octavia but before Clarke could say anything, O clapped her hands casually.

"Whatever. We want to leave in twenty minutes so you should go get Mea and I will pack the rest of the things together." With that Octavia disappeared, leaving a flushed Clarke behind. Clarke shook her head, taking a few deep breaths before banishing Bellamy out of her head.

It wasn't that she hadn't recognized how insanely attractive Bellamy had gotten in the past four years, because she definitely did. And even though they weren't close anymore she couldn't deny that his body, his appearance made her own body do weird things – simply said: he turns her on. The way the sleeves of his shirt were rolled up to his elbows, allowed her a perfect look at his strong toned arms. 

The way the sweat ran down his tanned skin and the way his curly hair peeped out of the cowboy hat. Gosh that hat! It wasn't just a total stereotype that women were attracted to cowboys, it was the truth. The bitter and stone hard truth.

The picture of Bellamy hovering over her, entering her, kissing her way too softly for Clarke's liking popped up in her head and made her blush even deeper. Her heart hammered in her chest, her throat went dry and a hot pool of arousal soaked through her freshly changed underwear.

"GOSH CLARKE STOP!" She yelled at herself. She shook her head, hoping, no praying she could shake Bellamy out of her head, but knowing that she couldn't. Suddenly Clarke doubted that spending the whole day with a half-naked and wet (!) Bellamy was such a good idea. Clarke huffed loudly before pulling herself together. Trying not to ask herself why she was still so attracted to him, but knowing the answer deep inside already. But of course she was too stubborn to let it come up. So instead Clarke started looking for her daughter, who she found at the stables where Abby and she were grooming the filly.

On Clarke's face appeared a bright smile at this scenario but just seconds later her heart became heavy because it made her think about her deceased father. Kane and her mother looked like proud grandparents and like a hundred times before, Clarke wished that Meadow could have known Jake Griffin. He would have done all these beautiful things with Mea and she would have been overwhelmed with his love. Her smile faded. He wasn't here, he died many years ago and mostly Clarke had accepted it but in moments like this she wished he was still alive.

Clarke sighed lowly before stepping into the box, smiling like everything was fine – she was used to it.

"Hey you three," Clarke smiled and Meadow's eyes shined towards her, sitting on her grandma's arms. 

"Mommy!"

Abby returned her daughter's smile while Kane greeted her with a short but friendly "Hello Clarke".  
"What are you doing?" asked Clarke her daughter, whose answer came fast.

"We are cleaning the baby horse mom. Look." With a broad gesture and maybe a little too harsh Meadow put the brush on the filly's fur and pulled a long stroke on its back, showing her mother proudly how to groom a horse.

Clarke laughed, "Oh wow, you are doing great sweetie." Meadow nodded proudly and continued the cleaning while Clarke turned towards her mother. "Do you have any more plans for today?"

A moment Abby stayed quiet, going through the rest of the day in her head before shaking it. "No, not really. Why? Should I take care of Mea today?"

"No, that's why I am here. I would like to take her with me. Octavia just came to me and asked if I, or we, wanted to join her and a few others on their daytrip to the lake. She said Kane gave them the day off–"

Kane nodded. "Yeah, they nearly finished everything for the party tomorrow and there isn't much work today anyway so I gave them some free time."

" – and I would like to go with them. We will buy some clothes in town because I haven't brought any swimming clothes with me. Did you?"

Again, Abby shook her head. "No, I didn't."

"Okay, well, they want to leave within the next few minutes so, Meadow?" Getting the little girl's attention wasn't easy. She ignored the cramp in her stomach when she looked into her deep brown eyes and asked with a soft voice, "Would you like to go swimming today?" Clarke hadn't even finished her sentence as Meadow squealed cheerfully and twisted around so much in Abby's arms that she had to put her down. "Whoa, it's okay you little water lover." All three adults laughed about the little girl's enthusiasm.

 

\--------------------------

 

Twenty minutes later Raven, Octavia, Harper, Clarke and Meadow, stood in front of the swimwear boutique in Cat Springs, while the guys (Murphy, Lincoln, Miller and Bellamy) waited in the trucks.  
And all of them, besides Meadow of course, grimaced at the tiny and not very good-looking variety of swimsuits.

"I've told you Clarke," Octavia started while putting back the fifth bikini on the rod, "you should have taken one of my swimming clothes."

"I know," murmured Clarke sourly and groaned loudly, at the edge of giving up.

"Well, maybe this one?" Came Raven's voice from behind and she held up a blue swim suit. "I mean, it's the only one that doesn't scream 'I'm a 50 year old woman and I'm desperately trying to get my youth back'."

Harper, Clarke and Octavia frowned, tipping their head to the left and eyeing the suit carefully.

"It's best we will get," Harper said and with a loud groan Clarke agreed. "Probably." She grabbed the blue suit and looked around for Meadow who was beaming upwards at her with her own swimming suit and a bag full with toys in her tiny hands.

"At least someone is happy with her choice," Raven said amused as Clarke took her daughters things and went to the cashier.

Nearly thirty minutes have passed by as the girls left the boutique and got back into the cars. While Harper and Octavia joined Lincoln and Bellamy, Clarke, Meadow and Raven took their seats at Murphy's truck, who had waited along with Miller in the front seats.

"Gosh, there you are." Murphy said annoyed and looked through the review mirror to the girls in the back. "What the hell were you doing this long in there?"

Before one of them could answer, Murphy spoke again. "We were so close to send out a search party." He started the engine, looking over his shoulder towards the street before pulling out of the parking slot, following Lincoln's car.

While Clarke still fastened Meadow's seatbelt Raven leaned forward to the guys in the front.  
"Well, there aren't many choices in there and –"

"Exactly," Miller said, turning his head to grin at Murphy and then looking at Raven, "you just go in, take what you want, pay for it and then you go out and everything is done within five minutes – maximum." Both guys shook their heads unintelligibly and laughed in amusement, like they wanted to say 'Don't know what the problem is with you girls'. 

Raven's face got dark and while Clarke just wanted to drop it, the brunette took a deep breath and shouted at the guys for nearly ten minutes before Murphy stopped her, shouting himself "Okay Reyes! It's okay! You can stop now!"

With a smug grin Raven leaned back into her seat, winking at Clarke who couldn't hold back her loud laughter.

 

\--------------------------

 

After one hour of driving, the two pick-up trucks stopped at a parking slot and everyone got out of the cars, stepping into the Texas sun heat. Meadow's feet barley hit the ground as her tiny legs were already running towards the water. "No Meadow, stop," Clarke yelled after her daughter but she was just picking up the bags so it was Miller who ran after the three year old and grabbed her from behind. 

"Stay here little mermaid," laughed Nathan and made a funny face which made Meadow giggle.

Clarke sighed loudly and shook her head, while the rest of the group seemed pretty amused about Meadow's action. "Can't wait to get into the water, huh?" asked Lincoln, who she was introduced to just a few minutes before the drive as Octavia's boyfriend. Clarke made a grimace and strapped the bag, "You have no idea. Once she is in the water you don't get her out so easily."

 

"We will see about that," Murphy said and locking the car. "She hasn't seen my legendary sandcastles yet." His chest swelled a little and they all started walking towards Nathan and Meadow, before looking for a nice spot to settle down.

"Legendary sandcastles, really?" Clarke smiled amused, stepping closer to Bellamy so he was the only one who could hear her. He laughed lowly, "Yeah really."

Clarke frowned. "What is he – a ten year old boy, trapped in a body of an adult?"

Again a short laughter reached Clarke's ears and made her heart jump a little. It was nice to hear this sound, she always loved Bellamy's laughter but she hadn't heard it in a while and now his voice was deep and husky and just another thing on the 'what turned her on' list. But besides that it was nice that the tension from the dinner the first evening and yesterday morning disappeared. Like it had never even been there.

"Something like that, yeah," Bellamy said and looked towards Murphy who already told his plan to Meadow, gesturing with his hands and making stupid faces which made the little girl laugh. "But seriously, he is very talented." Added Bellamy and his voice was more serious now. "Don't know why he's still at Kane's. He could easily get a job as artist. Maybe you want to bake with him, he can do great things with his hands."

Clarke took her eyes off Bellamy and watched his friends who were all trying to get Meadow's attention. Murphy with talking about sandcastles, Miller hopping Meadow up and down in his arms, Harper and Raven making stupid faces. Octavia and Lincoln were the only ones who were looking for a spot, but not without smiling at the people around Meadow as well.

The blonde watched the pair a while before asking Bellamy for how long Octavia and Lincoln were in a relationship. First Clarke thought she caught Bellamy off guard because he blinked in confusion before looking towards his little sister. "Oh, uhm, well, I don't know. Not very long … a year or so."

"And you are okay with that?" Teased Clarke because she knew how protective Bellamy had been or still was of Octavia. Bellamy shrugged. "I don't have a choice, do I? I won't lie, it took me a while but I know Lincoln for more than four years now and I know that Linc is a great guy but well …"

"Nobody will ever be good enough for her?" Clarke pushed further and Bellamy nodded. "Something like that, yeah. But of course they got together anyway and she is happy, so why not." Clarke nodded. "Yeah, why not." They both looked at each other a little while longer before Miller yelled, telling them they have found a spot.

 

\--------------------------

 

Raven, Octavia, Harper, Miller and Murphy were more impatient and annoying than her three year old daughter, Clarke decided as she put swimmies on Meadow's arms while the five adults tripped from one foot to the other, telling her to hurry up. Clarke just finished when Octavia grabbed Meadow and ran towards the water along the other four grownups.

"Give her some time to get adapted to the water. Step by step guys!" Clarke yelled after them, rolling her eyes and joined into Bellamy and Lincoln's laughing. "Poor Meadow," Lincoln said but Clarke shook her head, setting the blankets and towels for everyone. "Oh no, she loves it. So many people who want to play with her and do anything she wants to. She really feels like a princess here."

With that she winked towards Bellamy, hinting at what he said when he first met Meadow – about being a princess and Clarke becoming a queen. The cowboy returned a short smile before starting to take his clothes off.

It took Clarke a few seconds before she realized what he was doing and especially that she was still looking at him, so with pink cheeks she turned away, trying to resist the urge to keep watching Bellamy strip. "Well," his deep voice filled the silence, "I think I will join them. It's pretty hot today –"

You mean you are pretty hot today, Clarke said mentally while Bellamy continued speaking.

"- and we came here to cool down a bit, so…" His sentence trailed of in silence. He walked passed her, giving her an excellent view on his fucking trained back and just as she bit her inner cheek to stop herself from whimper the cowboy turned around and almost killed Clarke with the view on his chest. Of course he had a fucking six pack. Of course he was fucking toned and – her eyes flickered towards Lincoln how jogged towards Bellamy and God damn! She couldn't believe her eyes. Bellamy was well trained and making her mouth-watering but a view of Lincoln's backside made Clarke nearly black out.

"Are you coming Griffin?" Bellamy asked loudly and ripped Clarke out of her thoughts. Damn, she really needed to congratulate Octavia on her taste in men. "Uhm, yeah." Clarke answered and moved her hands through the blonde strains while Bellamy and Lincoln joined the others in the sea. She needed to pull herself together! She behaved like a horny teenager. But she was a mid-twenty year old mother! A responsible adult, an adult with needs … "Gosh it was such a bad idea to come here," Clarke mumbled and took off her clothes, going towards the rest of the group who were misusing her daughter as a match ball, throwing her towards each other and dipping her into the cold from time to time.

 

The time just flew by. Everyone always wanted to play with Meadow, who was obviously enjoying it just as much as Clarke because she barely had time for herself in the past three years. Of course she had her mother and Wells who were more than willing to help and take care of Meadow but mostly Clarke was the one Meadow was surrounded by. Also it was some sort of relief to see how open-minded Meadow was, giving the fact that she had been so shy when she met Bellamy two days ago. But it didn't take her daughter long to get familiar with these people and even when Clarke didn't know most of them longer than 48hours, she trusted them with taking good care of her daughter. The only thing she had. Maybe it was true what they say about southern people – that they are friendlier and fuller of life than people from the north.

Whatever, Clarke enjoyed the day with her old and hopefully new friends at the lake, and for the first time since she arrived, she felt relaxed. A smile flashed over her face when she glanced over to Murphy and Meadow who were still building a castle and Bellamy was right, Murphy really was talented. Not only with sand but also with handling Meadow. It seemed like everyone was perfectly capable of handling a three year old girl, like they were all naturals.

Twenty minutes later Meadow showed everyone Murphy and her incredible work, her tiny chest swollen with pride. "Wow, this looks great Mea. Did you do all this?" Asked Clarke and everyone laughed at the quick nod, which was Meadow's answer. "Yes Mommy. Me and Murhy." She pointed at Murphy who grinned like an idiot before waving his hand.

"Nah, I didn't do much," lied Murphy and picked Meadow up from behind, smiling at her like a proud uncle and making a noise like he wanted to eat her alive. "Argh, you are too cute for your own good."

"Don't tell her that John," said Clarke. "It's already bad enough that she is so cute, she doesn't have to know about it."

"Oh come on Clarke," Octavia interrupted, "women love to hear things like that all the time, no matter what age."

"So true," said Lincoln in a loud sigh and started a short and not too serious discussion with Octavia what he meant by that.

It was an amazing sight and it didn't take too long before everyone was talking about it. So Clarke took the chance and took Meadow out of Murphy's arms, walking towards the water. She wanted to play with her daughter on her own. Yeah, she just said that she enjoyed not looking after Meadow all the time but, well, she missed it a little though. Clarke pulled Meadow through the water, playing ship with her and letting her float in the water. Meadow was smiling all the time, she was such a happy girl and Clarke never had been happier with her decision of keeping her. Meadow was the best thing in her life and even without a father figure she became a wonderful kid. At this thought the blonde's eyes glanced across the water to the shore were the guys were still talking about complimenting women on a regular basis. She looked from one to another before meeting the same brown eyes Meadow had – which were staring back at her. Bellamy wasn't discussing anymore but kept his eyes on Meadow and her.

Her stomach dropped a little, and a shiver ran down her spine at his intense gaze. She swallowed and bit her bottom lip. They both were looking at each other, like they were the only two people in this world. It was like he wanted to say something. It was like a silent question. The question he already asked her yesterday morning. The question about being Meadow's father and Clarke's heart got heavy because she hadn't liked her answer as much as Bellamy had. She sighed, thoughts running through her mind as splatters of water hid her face and a giggling Meadow beamed towards her. With that the eye contact was broken. And he didn't look at her when Clarke gazed over a few seconds later.

 

"Yeah, no. No Meadow, you have to put your hands together. Look, just like mommy." Clarke kneeled on the sand, shaping her hands to a bowl and dove them under the water to fill them. Meadow did the same, looking to her mother asking silently with her eyes 'like this?'

Clarke nodded.

"Yeah, that's good. And now, we both go over there and wake him up. But you have to be very quiet okay?" Meadow nodded her head before stamping towards a sleeping Bellamy, who laid on his stomach, using his arms as a pillow. Clarke had a mischievous grin on her lips, which was returned by everyone else on the blankets. They all stayed quiet, even Meadow tried to hold back a giggle and even when she lost more than the half of the liquid in her hands, when she stayed over Bellamy she let the water fell out of her hands – just like Clarke – and laughed loudly as Bellamy jerked out of his sleep.

Everyone barked out with laughter, everyone except Bellamy. He turned his head over his shoulder to look at the offender and his eyes went into slits. Clarke stopped laughing when she saw the wrath in Bellamy's smug grin and what happened then, happened within a few seconds. Clarke told Meadow to run away, what she immediately did and the older blonde started running herself as Bellamy got up to his feet and started chasing after them.

"You can't run away from me Clarke," Bellamy shouted after her and she just knew that he would get her first. She looked over her shoulder, now laughing again and noticing that Bellamy was only a few steps away from her. Clarke let out a squeaky scream as she felt Bellamy's arm around her waist.

"Got you!" A triumphant smile took over his face.

"No Bellamy, please. Help! HELP!" Clarke laughed screaming and trying to get out of his grip but he was too strong. He took her easily to the water.

"No Meadow, no." Clarke yelled towards her daughter when she saw Meadow running towards Bellamy, hell-bent to save her mother.

"No Meadow. Keep running. Mommy is okay. Go to Octavia, okay?"

The little girl stopped in her tracks, looking at her mother and Bellamy who also stopped walking, both facing the tiny blonde. Clarke could see Meadow's inner fight, not sure if she should listen to her mother or run to safety. But then she started running towards the group. Which Bellamy took as a sign to continue his revenge on Clarke, so he pushed her further towards the lake.

"Please Bellamy, let me go." Clarke giggled and a cry escaped her mouth as Bellamy grabbed after her legs and picked her up in his arms. Now she could look into his face and right into the dangerous grin. "As you wish," he said and before Clarke could say anything else he lunged out and threw a loud laughing Clarke into the water. She had tried to take him with her but she had been too weak. The last thing she saw was the winning smile before diving under water.

Clarke came coughing at the water surface and with teary eyes she looked to the shore where she could see a searching Bellamy, his hands were stemmed against his hips and hearing him say, playfully and purposely too loud, "Hm, where is this little girl? I just can't find her." There was an unmistakable giggle and Clarke could perfectly imagine how her daughter hid herself behind one of the other's back, huddling and her tiny fingers pressed over her mouth.

"Oh man, I think I have lost her." Bellamy said and wanted to turn away when Meadow jumped out from Lincoln's back and started running again, her squealing filling the whole place. "Ah, there you are." Bellamy shouted and started jogging after her. Meadow ran as fast as her little legs could get her, looking over her shoulder before screaming after her mother. "Mommy! Mommy!"

"Come here baby. Hurry up!" Clarke yelled, holding up her arms and going towards her running daughter.

"Oh no princess, you are mine," Bellamy barked, which made Meadow jump a little and ran even faster.

But she didn't have a chance. Bellamy made four long strides and caught her. Meadow cried out, kicking and bashing around her but Bellamy held her tight and walked towards the water where Clarke still was standing. Bellamy tickled the three year old, which made her laugh even harder and stopped, standing waist deep in the lake before telling Meadow to holding breath before throwing her into the water just like he did with Clarke a few moments earlier. Of course he threw her not as wide and hard as Clarke, but the tiny body disappeared for two seconds before showing up again.

Everyone was laughing. And Clarke's heart melted when Bellamy swam towards Meadow and played with her so easily like he never had missed a second of her young life.

 

\--------------------------

 

As quiet as possible Clarke tiptoed out of the bedroom, scurrying through the door and closing it slowly. With a smile she turned around, looking towards an also smiling Bellamy who leaned against the opposite wall, his arms crossed over his chest. "Is she asleep?" He asked quietly.

Clarke nodded. "Yeah. She was already half dead when we got back. Her eyes shut the second she hit the mattress."

They both chuckled. "Well, it was a strenuous day for her after all."

Again Clarke nodded, mirroring Bellamy and leaning against the wall, right next to the bedroom door. "It was. But she had a lot of fun today. She isn't used to be in the nature all day and surrounded by so many people who want to play with her," Clarke explained and Bellamy cocked his head a little, eying her intensely.

"Maybe you two can visit us more often in the future. It is nice to have her around," suggested Bellamy and after a hesitation he added, nearly a whisper but loud enough to reach Clarke's ears, "and not only her."

She bit her bottom lip, her heart beating wild up and down and Bellamy's daggering gaze made her blood rush quicker through her veins. Her eyes flickered from the dark and at the same time sparkling brown to the soft lips and shooting back.

"Bellamy," Clarke said softly and swallowed. "Bellamy, she –"

"She isn't mine. I got that." Bitterness resonated with his voice and he looked down at the floor. "I got that," he repeated lowly and the disappointment never had been so visible than now and it broke her heart. Clarke opened her mouth to … to what? To cheer him up? To make him feel better? She didn't know why or what to say but she knew that she wanted to say something just to break the awful silence. But Bellamy said something first. He looked back up into her eyes and his voice sounded so broken, that Clarke needed all her strength not to break down.

"But just for the record," he paused, taking a deep breath and forcing himself to smile, "she is an amazing kid and … I would be proud to be her dad."

She had reckoned with a lot, but not with this. The air stuck in her lungs and breathed out shakily. She closed her eyes, not being able to look into Bellamy's broken, disappointed and sad eyes because … because she wished she would have told him otherwise yesterday. She wished that she could tell him otherwise but she couldn't. She was just – Clarke opened her eyes as she heard steps. Bellamy had moved from the wall, going towards the stairs, his hands buried in his jeans but before he reached the steps Clarke called after him.

"Bellamy, wait."

It took her a few seconds before her legs were able to move. She then jogged towards the man who used to be one of her closest friends so many years ago. Clarke bit her inner cheek, looking up into Bellamy questioning face before getting on her tiptoes, kissing his cheek. She could feel his body stiffen. Clarke didn't count the seconds her lips were touching his skin but she tried to put all the things into it she couldn't say – at least not now.

When she pulled away she sent him a shy smile, feeling her cheeks blush and the corners of Bellamy's mouth pulled slowly upwards into a weak smile.

"Thank you." Clarke murmured and when she felt tears rushing into her eyes, she wished him a good night and disappeared behind the bedroom door where Meadow was still sleeping.


	7. The Birthday Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Abby's birthday. Bellamy is dancing with all three Griffin women and Miller and Bellamy having a little heart to heart....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello guys, I am sorry I didn’t update last week but I don’t feeling well for the last few days and well, whatever. I have seen the new episode and even if it wasn’t “bam bam bam” it was a good start and I can’t so not wait for the next episode because of the promo and Bellamy & Clarke xD 
> 
> This chapter is my absolutely favorite one. I know, that I have told you this at least three times but this was so fun and easy to write. It’s the longest chapter so far and I really hope you like it as much as I do. It’s my gift for you, for the start of the new the100 season and for all Bellarke lovers out there, we have to stay strong!
> 
> I would really appreciate if you tell me what you are thinking of it :-) I’ll see you around. Love you.  
> Many thanks still to my beta [url=https://www.fanfiction.net/u/5466809/]Pandorathefirst[/url]

Bellamy groaned as he looked at the time. It was half past five in the morning and he had barely slept. He replayed what happened the day before in his head for hours now. He thought about Clarke's lips on his cheek, her thank you and the way she looked at him. The giggling three year old popped up in his head. She was always so happy and her smile was contagious. His thoughts soon drifted back to Clarke. His heart still jumped when he thought about seeing Clarke in that horrible swim suit, which she got from one of the worst boutiques in the whole wide world, and somehow she still managed to look breath-taking. He didn't fail to hear Raven's teasing when she caught him staring at Clarke and Meadow, almost longingly. Or hearing Miller trying to encourage him to just go over and talk to Clarke. He saw blue eyes, then brown, a small nose and Clarke's gentle smile.  
Bellamy closed his eyes and pressed the heels of his hands over them and groaned loudly. He just wanted these thoughts to stop! But the more he wanted to stop them, the more intense the pictures got. Clarke in a swimsuit, her nipples hard from the cold water. Clarke without a swimsuit now, smiling at him and begging him to join her. He reckoned a cold shower would help but he felt even more pathetic and disgusting after masturbating in the shower.

 

It was half past six when Bellamy got up, feeding the maverick and the other animals, when Kane found him forty minutes later. His boss held a big bouquet in his hands, probably for Abby Griffin.

"Morning Bellamy," Kane greeted his second, who looked up from the barrow, which was full of food.

"Morning Kane."

"You always have to be the first up, huh?" Kane smiled and Bellamy smirked. "Old habits die hard."

Kane chuckled. "So true. But please drop in on time, it's –"

"It's Abby's birthday and everyone should be at the breakfast table, I know Kane. It's not my first birthday on this ranch."

"I know," Marcus said calmly and eyed Bellamy a little longer. "Okay, well, I don't think we will have too much on our list today so we can all prepare ourselves for the party tonight."

Bellamy nodded shortly, "We can go through it after breakfast."

"Good," said Kane and already went a few steps before turning around, "Oh and Bellamy?"

The cowboy looked up again. "Yeah?"

"Don't forget to have some fun tonight, okay? I appreciate your ambition but sometimes you have to let yourself live a little."

 

Bellamy felt like a stone fell down to the pit of his stomach. He licked his lips and nodded. The last time someone said 'live a little' to him he had been kissing her seconds later. It had been four years ago and he had been in Clarke's apartment in Cleveland back then. It was something he used to tease her with when they were kids. Great, and now he was thinking about Clarke again!  
Bellamy blamed Kane for his misery, even when his boss was the last one to blame.

 

An hour later Bellamy had finished his second shower this day and stood along the other people in the kitchen, waiting for Abby to step in. It was some sort of tradition that they sang Happy Birthday to the person whose birthday it was. Like always, the table was filled with many delicious things to eat and the bouquet Kane made earlier stood in front of Abby's plate. Speaking of whom, the blonde woman just stepped into the kitchen and everyone started singing and congratulating her. And everyone, without an exception, was pulled into a tight hug. No matter if they knew Abby their whole life or not. The Griffin patriarch wiped away a single tear and she was visibly touched by this surprise.

"Gosh, I have totally forgotten about this tradition." She smiled, thanking everyone once again before they started the breakfast. To Bellamy's surprise neither Clarke nor Meadow were seen. He didn't take Clarke for someone who overslept at her mother's birthday, but he couldn't blame her. The last few days had been exhausting, especially yesterday at the lake, so sleeping a few hours longer wasn't so unusual.

After everyone was finished, Bellamy and Kane talked about the list of things they needed to do for the day. It only took them a few minutes and Bellamy went back into the kitchen to help his sister with clearing the table, while Marcus redeemed his present for Abby and taking her to the next bigger town, Sealy, and insisting on buying her whatever she wanted for her birthday party tonight.

Octavia had a bright smile on her lips and she started to hum as she stacked the plates together. "Oh Bell, I am so excited for tonight. I can't remember the last time we had such a big party."  
Bellamy frowned, grabbing the used glasses. "It's not this long, O. Actually it was two years ago when I turned 30. You just can't remember because you have been too drunk to keep standing," he reminded his sister and laughed at the offended face she made.

 

"That so does not sound like me Bell," she said and shook her head. "Nope, that doesn't sound like me at all."

"Really?" Doubtful, his right eyebrow popped up.

The only answer he got was a stuck out tongue. This time it was Bellamy who shook his head, walking over to the fridge to put back the homemade marmalade and the milk.  
A silence settled down between the siblings until Octavia threw her hands up in the air and said in an annoyed and dramatic voice, as if Bellamy had been teasing her nonstop, "Okay fine, maybe it was me! But I'm still excited about tonight though."

"It's nice to have Clarke and Abby around again," she added shortly and a gentle smile covered her lips. "It reminds me of the old days, you know? When everything was alright. Mom and Jake still alive, Clarke one of our closest friends …" The smile faded and a sad expression took over her face.

Bellamy felt his stomach drop once again. He didn't know what to say, they hadn't talked much about their mother since she passed away and seeing his sister unhappy always had been something Bellamy didn't know how to handle. He opened his mouth but closed it immediately as Octavia shrugged herself out of her thoughts and sent him a smile, "But then we wouldn't have Meadow and that would be a shame because she is just too cute to be missed, right?"

He nodded in silence.

"God, I wish I would have such a baby girl myself," Octavia sighed, which set Bellamy in a warning position. "Yeah well, you have plenty of time for that," he cleared his throat and handed his sister the breadbasket.  
"Maybe I have … but your clock is ticking big brother!"

"Octavia," Bellamy said warningly and the brunette held up her hands in surrender.

"Just saying Bellamy. You don't get younger and if you don't start anytime soon I will be the first with a child and then you can't say I haven't given you enough time." She looked over her shoulder towards him. He never liked this subject and now with Clarke and Meadow around him, this kind of conversation seemed like torture. He avoided his sister's gaze, making her only more curious.

"I mean, you haven't date anyone in the last, what, three years? And you can't count your quickies with Raven." She pointed a finger at him. This time Bellamy looked right at his sister, blinking in shock. "What, where – how do you know about that?"

"Oh please," Octavia said, like she felt personally offended, "like it isn't obvious. Well, not as obvious as your interest in Clarke but -"

"Whoa, stop it." Bellamy held up his hand to stop his sister from talking, "My interest in Clarke? Octavia, do you know what -"

"I know what I am talking about Bellamy and please don't take me for a fool okay? You are my brother. I know you. And even when I don't know what it is with you and Clarke, I know that is something. Otherwise you wouldn't behave this weird around her."

"Weird? I'm not, I do, no Octavia! I act perfectly normal around Clarke. There isn't anything between us and as for the thing with Raven –"

Again Octavia interrupted him, rolling her eyes clearly annoyed, "I won't tell anyone. I promise. I mean, everyone already knows, except Clarke."

Bellamy opened his mouth. "And I won't tell her anything either," added Octavia sharply and both of them stayed quiet for a few more moments.

"Thanks," Bellamy said slowly and his sister sent him a cheering smile. "No problem."

\------------------------------

The party is set to start at five o'clock in the early evening. It was twenty to five when Clarke and Meadow came down the stairs, wearing jeans, cowboy boots and the typical western looking plaid shirts, or rather blouses. Clarke's hair fell in big waves over her shoulder, while Meadow's were braided into a beautiful – whatever it was, Bellamy wasn't an expert in hairstyling.

"And, how do we look?" Clarke asked smiling from one ear to another, turning her and Meadow, who she was holding in her arms, around. "Do we look like real cowgirls?" Octavia and Harper eyed both blondes. "Well," Harper said, "I don't know … something is missing, don't you think?"

Octavia nodded in agreement.

"And I exactly know what it is. Don't move." Bellamy wiggled his eyebrows to the girls and hurried downstairs into the cellar. It had to be somewhere around here. He knew that Octavia kept it – she could barely throw anything away, she was a real hoarder, seriously. "Come on." Bellamy mumbled and opened the fourth box and found what he was looking for. With big steps he rushed up the stairs, grinning like a Cheshire cat when he went towards the girls.

He put the little cowboy hat on Meadow's head, "Now you are looking like a real cowgirl."

Meadow beamed like the sun, grabbing the hat with her fingers and turning her face around to look at her mother happily.

Clarke mirrored Meadow's smile and looked questioning at him. "Where did you get it?"

He was still grinning when he said, "O can't throw anything away. It's, uhm, it's your old hat."

The blue eyes, which were still looking at him, widened in a mix with shock and surprise. "No way," breathed Clarke and took a closer look at the hat. "You, you kept it?"

Now Octavia was grinning too and both of them nodded. He could see how tears filled Clarke's eyes and even when they were tears of joy, they still were tears so Bellamy quickly wanted to change the subject – seriously, he really hated being surrounded by sad women – but Clarke already pushed away the tears, telling her daughter how jealous she was because Meadow had a hat and she hadn't.

They all started to laugh and Bellamy made a mental note about getting Clarke her own hat.

 

The first guests arrived at the ranch a little after five. Bellamy was still asking himself who would come tonight because Abby didn't grow up down here nor had she been much around in the past ten years. But to his surprise the tent filled up and after the barbeque two hours later, everyone was chatting and dancing. The atmosphere was relaxed and with an amused smile Bellamy watched Kane dancing with Clarke and Meadow 'dancing' with Lincoln.

Bellamy took a sip out of his beer, one elbow on the bar when someone tapped his shoulder. He turned around and looked into the too well known grin of Kyle Wick. "Hey man," Bellamy greeted him and pulled him into a one-armed hug. "What are you doing here? I thought you are out of town."

"I was," said Wick shortly and holding up his finger to order a beer himself. "I'm back a little earlier than I expected and I heard about this party here, so I thought I would come over and …" Wick sentence trailed off in silence, probably without recognizing it because his gaze were already flying through the tent. Clearly looking for Raven.

"I think she is somewhere over there." Bellamy pointed amused to the table where Raven sat during the dinner and was now talking to John Murphy. Out of the corner of his eyes Bellamy saw how Wick rolled his shoulder blades back, grabbing the beer from the bar and taking a big gulp before moving towards Raven. But not without stopping and going back to Bellamy.

"Before I forget it again. Could you please do me a favor?"

"Of course."

"Could you stop fucking Raven? I know that it's nothing serious but well, I think I would have a better chance with you out of the game, you know?"

Bellamy coughing on his beer before clearing his throat, "Where the hell…"

But he was silenced by Kyle's knowing gaze. It didn't matter how he knew, all Wick wanted was to stop it and everyone knew that he was really interested in Raven, like dead serious interested. She was the only reason why he always came back to this hicksville.

Slowly Bellamy nodded. "Uhm, yeah. Yeah I think we can stop that."

A grin spread over Kyle's face and he held up both thumbs. "Great. Thanks and now excuse me." With that he turned and went straight towards Raven and Murphy.

Bellamy followed his friend before scratching his head, taking another sip of the beer and asking himself mentally if Raven and he really were this obvious.

 

"Well Bellamy, I think you are the only man in this tent who I haven't danced with yet." Without waiting for his response, Abby Griffin grabbed him by the elbow and pulled him towards the dancing area. "Uhm," was all Bellamy said because the next second Abby put his hands to where they belong and put her own hand on his shoulder. "And I know you can dance, I have seen you with Octavia earlier," Abby told him and they both started to dance to an old country song.

"I haven't said I can't," justified Bellamy and swung Abby around before pulling her back into his hold. "You've just been so busy dancing with Marcus, so I didn't want to interrupt." He winked and the cheeks of the woman were colored in a light pink. "He is a good dancer." And now it was Abby who justified herself. Bellamy chuckled but stayed quiet. He didn't want to make Abby feel uncomfortable on her birthday. So instead they both danced in silence before he said, "It's nice to have you around here Abby. I know we haven't talked much to one another since you are here but it feels good to –"

"I know," Abby interrupted him and smiled. "I am really happy that I agreed on Marcus' idea to take some time off and visit you guys. You are still some sort of family, you know?"  
Bellamy nodded and Abby giggled lowly, getting his attention back because he had been looking to a certain fiery blonde.  
"And I haven't seen Clarke this relaxed for a very long time." With a determined gaze Abby looked over to Clarke, who was whirled around by Sterling now, and was laughing loudly. It sounded like music to his ears. Again Abby made a sound to catch his attention and the face of the older woman saddened a little.

"She is way too proud and stubborn to ask the father for help."

"You, uhm, you know who the father is?" Bellamy asked, trying not sound too curious.

His heart dropped when Abby shook her head. "No. She never told me. But I think I know. He is the only one who comes into question. But since she never talked to me about that, I had no other choice than accepting it. Not that I like it. I am afraid that she will regret her choices one day and start blaming herself or even worse, start blaming Meadow, for how things went down."

Bellamy's eyes flew back to the blonde on the other side of the area. She was still dancing with Sterling and Abby's words sank into his mind. His stomach turned around at the part that Finn was the only one in question, when Bellamy himself technically could be the father as well, even when Clarke already told him he wasn't. So it took him a while before he forced himself to turn his face back to Abby. 

"I don't think that it will happen. I mean, of course the father has a right to know about Meadow but Clarke is strong-willed and she loves Meadow more than anything. Just like you love them. So, if I am allowed to give you some advice – just have a little faith in your daughter. She will make the right choices. And if not, you still can tell her 'I told you so'." He added lightly because he didn't want Abby and him ending their dance on such a heavy note. Abby barked out a laugh and smiled gently upwards him. "You are right … gosh, you just grew up so fast."

 

The cowboy just took a seat after dancing two more dances with Abby when two small arms wrapped themselves around his right leg. Bellamy looked down, right into a grinning Meadow who was still wearing the cowboy hat he gave her earlier. "Hello Meadow," Bellamy greeted the girl and pulled her into his lap. "How are you?"

"Great." She smiled and Bellamy fought the urge to puke because it was still haunting him. Her eyes were a perfect copy of his and the little freckles had turned out stronger since she arrived. How couldn't she be his daughter? Just when Meadow sat on his hat he realized he had been in deep thought. Meadow put the tiny hat on the table and took Bellamy's just to place it on her head, under which disappeared immediately. Bellamy chuckled, lifting the hat off so he could see her grinning face.

"I think this one is a little too big for you."

So Meadow grabbed the hat and put it back on his head, as good as she could. She was really focusing on her task because the tongue was captured between her teeth and after a while she seemed to be happy with her work.  
Then Bellamy placed Clarke's old hat back on Meadow's head and held her up in his arms. He went to the dance floor and started to dance with the second Griffin this evening. But the pleasure didn't last long because Octavia tiptoed behind him after the second song, telling him that she wanted to dance with Meadow just once. Rolling his eyes Bellamy handed Meadow over to his sister, "Here, you little nagger." With a triumphant smile Octavia took the three year old into her arms and Bellamy went towards the bar, to quench his thirst. His gaze went over the guests until it found Clarke's blue eyes which were looking at him over Harper's shoulder. They both held their gazes and with a queasy feeling in his belly, Bellamy sent her a smile which was immediately mirrored by Clarke. Then she quickly looked back at Harper who probably asked her something because Clarke's lips were forming something that looked like an apology.

 

It took him two more shots of whisky before he crossed the tent and put his cowboy hat on Clarke who hadn't seen him coming and winced a little before flashing him one of her cutest smiles.  
"Bellamy," she said and touched the top of the hat.

"I am sorry if I'm interrupting," said Bellamy and sent Harper an apologetic look, "but I have to kidnap this cowgirl now for a short dance before someone else will take her away."  
Harper giggled before shaking her head. "No, it's okay. She is all yours."

"That's what I wanted to hear," grinned Bellamy mischievously and without any protests he pulled Clarke to the floor, just like her mother did with him earlier.  
He positioned them at the edge of the dancing couples and started to disco fox to the end of Irene Cara's flashdance. But they have barely done twenty steps when the song ended and the band started playing Kiss' 'I was make for lovin' you'.

 

They both froze and Bellamy let out a sarcastic huff, "Oh please. They have to be kidding me." He would be lying when he said that his heart didn't speed up and that his palms didn't get sweaty. But it was way too cliché. His eyes darted towards the little stage where the band was playing and he just caught a wide grinning Octavia who rushed downstairs.

"What a little brat," he mumbled growling but just like Abby, Clarke got his attention by making a small noise.

"So, are we going to dance or what?"

Bellamy looked at Clarke in disbelief. He blinked once, twice. Then he cleared his throat and started to move, feeling visibly uncomfortable.

"Relax Blake," Clarke said, who wasn't even trying to banish the teasing tone out of her voice, "it's just a song. A pretty cool song by the way." She winked at him and after a while he relaxed, trying not to listen to the lyric like ' _Tonight I want to give it all to you in the darkness there's so much I want to do_ ' or ' _There's something that drives me wildand tonight we're gonna make it all come true. Cause girl, you were made for me and girl I was made for you_ ' while dancing with Clarke. It was pure torture. Dancing with her, having her so close, making her smile and knowing that it would be all over soon. She would go back to Cleveland and probably they would lose contact again, not that he wanted it to happen but it happened nine and four years ago. So why should it be different this time?

 

Bellamy swallowed and forced himself to not think about the end of the Griffin's stay. He wanted to enjoy this night, this dance. He should be happy and grateful for the things he had and now one of these things were having Clarke around. So he whirled her around, moving back and forth, guiding them through the other dancing couples and after the fifth song in a row Clarke begged for a pause.

 

He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath through his nose and enjoying the cool air around his head, while Miller opened two new bottles of beer. Bellamy thanked his friend and they both took a seat on the front porch, a little further away from the party. The music was still audible but it was much quieter than on the back porch and Bellamy could use some silence. He ruffled his head and sighed loudly before taking a big gulp of the cold drink.

 

"What a party, huh?" Nathan asked amused and cracked his neck and shoulderblades. "The last time I danced this much was on my parents' wedding anniversary."

They both sat in silence, sipping their beers and letting their gazes fly over the now dark landscape. "Sooo," Miller started hesitatingly, "you want to talk about her?"

He knew it. Bellamy knew the second they fell in silence that it was just a matter of time until Nathan would address the topic. Bellamy groaned lowly, moping his head and rubbing his neck in a mix of annoyance and nervousness. He took a deep breath before shrugging, "I don't know." He rubbed his eyes with his thumb and index finger, then sat up and looked towards Miller.

"I don't know what I should tell you, really. It's … there is nothing going on between Clarke and I. It's just, I don't know. We were friends so many years ago and then we've lost contact after her dad died and I realized how important she had been to me but she never called, I never called. I accepted that our ways had separated and I was totally fine with it but then –"

 

Bellamy stopped. His heart was jumping in his chest like he had been running a marathon. His throat got dry. He felt his chest tightened and even when Miller wasn't pushing, it was like Nathan screamed, yelled to him, forcing him to speak further. Bellamy bit his bottom lip, his eyes were now laid on the bottle in his hand and he asked himself, just like a few days ago at Jonty's, if he should tell Miller the whole story. Maybe it would be better to let it out? At least one time. Maybe Miller would tell him exactly what he needed to hear. That he read too much into Clarke's behavior and Meadow's looks. That he should drop it and stop fooling himself. Bellamy scratched his left brow, licking his lips before telling Nathan the whole story. And he didn't even look at him once.

 

"She called me four years ago, after running into her boyfriend Finn cheating on her with her best friend. She had been a complete mess and … her call came out of nowhere but she was so broken. Just like the time her father died and I couldn't let her down. So I took off, flew across the country to her and tried to be the friend I used to be. It, uhm, it … chrm. She was drunk and I feel so pathetic now because I let it happen but she begged me to, to make her feel wanted and … I slept with her that night. We used protection and everything but ... . It was a onetime thing. I left the next day instead of staying with her and figuring the things out. I was a coward and I didn't call her, and neither did she. 

Four years passed by and then Kane told us a few days ago, that Abby and Clarke would visit us. I didn't know how to feel. On one hand I was scared, on the other hand I couldn't wait to see her again. And then you brought them here and I was so happy to see Clarke again, I wanted to pick her up and spin her around but then … then there was Meadow. A tiny blonde girl about three years old with freckles and brown eyes just like me. I thought she was joking, I wished she was. I had been so angry with her and with me but then she told me that, that … uff, that Meadow isn't my daughter. That she is Finn's and the moment she told me I should have been happy and relieved but all I felt was disappointment and even more anger. And I don't know why. It isn't like I had thought about having a kid in the last few years. I, I don't know Nate. I think deep down I have wished that I was the father. That I am the father…"

 

Bellamy stopped, tearing his hair and gazed painfully at Nathan who forced a weak smile. He put his hand on Bellamy's shoulder and tapped it brotherly. "Wow." It was the first thing Miller said before continuing slowly, "I always assumed that something happened between you two in the past, but I never would have thought about this. It must be hard for you, being captured between these two points."  
An empty laugh escaped Bellamy's lips. "You have no idea."

"And what do you want to do now?" Nathan asked carefully and Bellamy shrugged with his shoulders. "Honestly? I don't know. I don't know if I should just accept things the way they are or if I want to, if I want to have more. I mean, Clarke and I don't really know each other anymore and maybe it's just the current situation which made me so, so – I don't know – so crazy. Maybe it will all go away when they do."

"Maybe," said Nathan quietly and rubbed his neck. "But, if I were you, I would talk to her. Ask her what she is thinking and maybe what she wants for her and for Meadow's future you know?" Bellamy knew that Nate wanted to build him up, that he wanted to encourage him but right now Bellamy felt like nothing could solve his problems. He nodded anyways, emptying his bottle with one swallow and cleared his throat. Again they fell into silence but just a few moments later they heard steps and a shyly smiling Clarke came around the corner. "Hey," she said softly and within a second Miller got up, grabbing Bellamy's empty bottle and whispering towards him that he shouldn't screw it up this time and shaking his head at Clarke's protest that she didn't want to make him leave.

 

"I was about to leave anyway. I promised Meadow another dance and I don't want the princess to get pissed so…" With that he disappeared, leaving Clarke and Bellamy alone.

Clarke looked after Nathan and bit her bottom lip, eying the empty seat next to Bellamy. "Can I sit with you a little?"

"Of course," said Bellamy and moved, unnecessarily, a little aside, giving Clarke more space than she ever would need. "Thanks."

Bellamy smiled shortly, rubbing the thumb into his palm but before the silence stretched out too long Clarke held out his cowboy hat he had given her before their first dance.

"Before I forget it again. It's yours."

Silently Bellamy looked from the hat to her unsecure face, shaking his head. "No, it's yours now. You can keep it."

"Oh no Bellamy, I can't just take it, it's yours."

He rolled his eyes in visible annoyance. "Keep it Clarke. A few hours ago you have been jealous of your three year old daughter because she had a hat and you didn't. Now you have one, so be happy. Also, this isn't the only hat I have." He grabbed the hat out of Clarke's hand and put it on her wavy hair, winking and without accepting any argument.

 

Even when it was dark outside he could see her blush and again a shy smile crossed her lips when she whispered a "thank you".

They listened to the music from the backyard before Clarke's voice filled the surrounding.

"I haven't seen my mom this happy for a very long time."

Bellamy snorted in amusement, feeling the question marks popping up into Clarke's eyes. He grinned, "It's just – your mom said the same thing about you when I was dancing with her."

Clarke blinked before a short but loud laughter escaped her mouth. "Of course she did."

 

"You all seem pretty happy," he just caught himself in time before bubbling out the 'down here' part, but Clarke nodded anyway. "It's true. It's nice to escape the stressful city life and let yourself float with the cozier southern country lifestyle." She nudged his shoulder playfully because Clarke never let out an opportunity to tease him, though he knew she told the truth.

His eyes flew over her smiling face and his cowboy hat she was wearing and Bellamy immediately decided that it looked so much better on her than it ever could have on him. He liked seeing her wearing his things. His chest was swollen with pride and he lost himself in her appearance. He took every inch of her in, noticing her red cheeks and how her smile got more nervous now. Bellamy bit his inner cheek, then he grabbed her hand and pulled her up. "Come on, I want to show you something."

 

With big steps Bellamy pulled Clarke across the land, turning around two corners, away from the party. "Bellamy, where are we going?" Clarke whispered and he could hear a slight angst in her voice. "You know exactly how much I hate the darkness out here," she continued whispering and yes, he remembered. He remembered how he made fun of her because she was afraid of the dark. At least until his mother gave him a God damn sermon about not playing with other people's fears. God she had yelled at him for more than twenty minutes and forced him to apologize to Clarke, who snitched him in the first place.

"Don't worry princess. Just a few more steps."

He turned around another corner, walking two big steps and then stopped. He turned towards Clarke and looked at her with pride in his chest, waiting for her reaction. He hoped that he would be right and Clarke didn't disappoint him. Her eyes went wide, her jaw dropped and she returned his bright grin. "Oh gosh, it's still here?"

"Obviously."

"God, I have totally forgotten about this place," Clarke said softly, touching the cold metal of the old swing and the wooden horse which they used to ride on as kids. "But-" She hesitated, turning around to face him. "- why does it still look so good? I mean, this place hasn't been used in over sixteen years."

This time it was Bellamy's turn to blush, but he hoped that Clarke wouldn't see it in the dark. The moonlight was barley lighting up anything. He rubbed the back of his neck and his left shoulder. "Well, I kept it in good condition. Just, well, just for the case if it would be needed once again."

"Awww, Bellamy." Clarke laid her hand over her heart and gazed over the little playground, moving the swing with her hand. "We were so young, careless and free…"

"And full with stupid dreams and ideas," Bellamy added murmuring, but while Clarke was still fascinated by the place, Bellamy couldn't take his eyes off of Clarke. The way her smile was filled with old memories, the way her hands wandered over the metal and the way she shook her head, still not believing what she was seeing.

Clarke laughed and agreed with him. "Oh yeah, the plans we wanted to change the world with." Then she turned towards him, watching him watching her before letting out a loud sigh. "I miss these times. Not in general but some days I wish I could go back to all this." She moved her hands around.

His eyes were still glued on Clarke. Her words barley reached his ears and within seconds he made a decision. He swallowed hard and louder than indented to before deciding that it would be worth the risk. Miller's words ran through his mind, his stomach was spinning up and down and then Bellamy moved a step closer. Not much, but he was now close enough to touch her if he wanted to.

 

"You," he started, his voice giving him away so he cleared his throat, starting again. "You could have that, you know? All this if you want." He emphasized 'this' without knowing what exactly he meant by that. Did he mean that she could be carefree and young again or did he mean that she could have all this – this place, the people, him. Clarke stayed quiet, looking up to him with her big blue eyes so Bellamy risked another step and pushed further.  
"Meadow spending the whole day outside in the nature with animals, the guys taking care of her. You being here" – with me, he added in his head – "and escaping the stressful city life for good, getting the old times back."  
He saw Clarke swallow. She bit her inner cheek, something she always did when she was nervous. Her eyes flickered wildly across his face. Just like she was looking for something and fighting everything inside her.  
She opened her mouth. "Bellamy…" It was a touch of a whisper. Screaming with sadness, apology and begging. Hesitatingly Bellamy raised his hand and pulled a few blonde strains softly behind her ear, a dreamy gaze on his face. His heart hammered in its ribcage. His temperature switched from hot to cold and back to hot. He focused her with his gaze because he wanted her to understand his next words. Not just hearing them, but understanding how serious he was.

 

"I don't care if she is mine or not, Clarke."

The eyes of the blonde shot down so fast that Bellamy was a little shocked to be said. She started to shiver, letting out shaky breaths and so Bellamy picked up the word again.  
"I don't want to push you into anything Clarke. I don't want to force you to do something you don't want to. All I want is, all I want is that you promise me not to shut me out of your life again. No matter if it will be up there in Ohio or …" he swallowed, stopping midsentence and hesitating about the next words that left his mouth. They were more lowly and rustier than the others, "or if it's down here."  
Clarke opened her blue eyes.

 

They looked into each other's eyes and he wasn't sure what to read into Clarke's gaze. Slowly Bellamy opened his mouth again. He wanted to tell her what was on his mind. That she should stay here, with him! Even though they didn't know each other as good as they used to, but that he always had felt something for her.

Somewhere between her father's death and meeting her in Ohio, he had realized that a life without her wasn't a good one. And that he had been a coward for not contacting her after he left Cleveland four years ago. She needed to know that he regretted his choice of not telling her back then and that he felt horrible for telling her now, indirectly, that he wanted her to stay. That he was so egoistic and a liar because he just told her he didn't want to force her into anything but that was the exact same thing he was doing by offering her a life down here … hopefully a life with him. He meant what he said when he told her, that he didn't care if Meadow was his daughter or not. He realized that it didn't need blood to be family. God, all of his friends were his family and he wanted to promise her to be the best father Meadow could have wished for.  
Bellamy swallowed, because the air was strung to the breaking point. The soft wind waved the music from the party over to them but it was far away. All that was heard were their loud heartbeats and their shaky breaths, while getting lost into each other's eyes.

 

But the seconds passed by and nothing happened. And the longer they stood in silence, the more Bellamy realized that nothing would happen. He fought the urge to bend down and kiss her.  
She didn't want to kiss him, otherwise she would have done it already. Otherwise she would have gotten on her tiptoes, would have threw her arms around him and touched his lips with hers. He didn't know much about the present Clarke but he knew that she always took what she wanted – and kissing him wasn't one of these things, obviously.  
He sighed defeated and took a step back. He ran a hand through his hair and rubbed his neck before apologizing for his behavior. His stomach dead-sick.  
"I'm sorry, I said I don't want to push you but that was exactly what I am – "

Something hard was pressed against his body and it took him three seconds to realize that it were Clarke's lips on his. That Clarke was kissing him.  
He was paralyzed. His mind was running and his body didn't know what to do. He could hear his cowboy hat fall off of Clarke's head to the ground and with this muffled sound he got the control over his body back. Within a second he had slung his right arm around her middle, pushing her against the fence, capturing her between him and the wood.

His hands grabbed her cheeks. He tiled her head a little for better access and a hot shiver shot through his body when she let out a moan as he slipped his tongue roughly inside her. Her soft and hot lips, their fighting tongues in her mouth and the sweet sound of moans that escaped Clarke's throat were the best things he'd ever tasted, he'd ever heard in his whole life.

Hungrily his hands moved over her curves, pressing heavily against the clothes, desperate for feeling her body under his skin again, after such a long time.

He sucked at Clarke's bottom lip and the loud whimper that followed, tainted his senses. He pressed his body harder against Clarke's, deepening the kiss. Pressing his lips harder against hers, just like his hand at the small of her back, so he could push her hips even further against his jeans.

"Bellamy," Clarke gasped breathless and he broke their lips apart. But just for nibbling under the shell of her ear, kissing, licking and biting his way down her throat, while Clarke's hands disappeared in his curls, desperately searching for a grip. His heartbeat was too high for any description. Just a little faster and he would black out. Clarke tore his curls when he started to suck on the top of her shoulder. He had pushed the blouse and the strap of the bra aside, getting even more turned on by the groans and moans that left Clarke's lips.

 

His hands moved over her chest down to her tights. With a smooth movement he pulled her up and sat her down at the top of the fence. She slung her legs around him, pulling him closer and while his fingers started to open up the blouse, she moved her waist hard and longingly against his, clearly dissatisfied by the current friction. Bellamy pressed a sloppy kiss onto Clarke's mouth, still fumbling with the buttons. He couldn't decide what he wanted to kiss, nor what he wanted to touch. So the next second he kissed her neck and stopped opening her top and palmed her breasts instead. A loud and long moan escaped Clarke's mouth, "Oh God."  
He couldn't hold back a grin, which disappeared when he felt Clarke's nails sinking through his shirt into his shoulder. He heard her ragged breathing as she nibbled on his earlobe and he just pressed her breasts harder in his hand when they stopped abruptly. They froze and listened into the silence, then "Clarke!" Someone was looking for Clarke. "Clarke, sweetie where the hell are you?" It was Abby.

Within two seconds Bellamy and Clarke let go of each other, faces red and panting. Their lips were swollen and while Clarke tried to button up her shirt, which would have been easier if her fingers wouldn't have been shaking, Bellamy took a few deep breaths, trying to get down his erection. They both leered at each other like two teenagers who had their first wild make out session and whose parent's just got home from the night in the theatre.  
Bellamy stuck out his tongue with a boyish smile when Clarke straightened herself and cleared her throat. She gestured towards the direction where her mother's voice was coming from, "I, uhm, I think I should go."  
"Yeah, yeah you probably should," said Bellamy breathless and mirrored her short and somehow awkward smile before gazing after her. When she was out of sight, Bellamy let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. He closed his eyes, leant against the fence and rubbing his head, questioning himself if he had gone too far. If it really had been worth the risk or if he had screwed up everything for good this time.


	8. The Heart To Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke and Octavia are having a little heart to heart and more than one secret will be revealed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everybody,
> 
> I am sorry that I am late on this update but life got into the way (or however you say it in English) xD I have/had a brain concussion the last two weeks and wasn’t able to write or do anything except lying in bed and do nothing. And I mean – NOTHING! At least the first 1,5 weeks. Urgh … but now I am doing better and here is the new chapter. I hope you like it. Tell me what you think. Love you all. Thanks to my beta.
> 
> Also thank you for your kind words and kudos and comments. It makes so much fun to read your suggestions and that you are so into this story, it means the world to me. Really! Hope you can enjoy this chapter ...

With a spinning head and still burning skin, Clarke laid down next to her little daughter who slept like a stone. Clarke's lips curved into a smile at the sight of her relaxed face – the little nose, covered in freckles and the chubby cheeks. She looked so peaceful and Clarke leaned over to kiss her forehead before turning on her back, running a hand through her hair as she looked up at the ceiling in the dark.

Her heart was still jumping like crazy, her lips were still a little swollen and she could still smell his scent if she inhaled deeply. A cold and hot shiver ran down her spine when she remembered his hands running over her body, his tongue challenging hers and the sounds she made, completely melting into him. God, she still couldn't believe it – she just made out with Bellamy Blake like a horny teenager. But more than that, Clarke wasn't sure if she would have stopped. Biting her bottom lip she thought about the 'what if'. What if her mother hadn't interrupted them? Would they have had sex right then and there? Or would one of them have stopped before it would have been too late?

What the hell had she been thinking?! She just couldn't kiss Bellamy from out of nowhere and then … then what? What did this mean? Was there a meaning behind it or did she just let herself be carried away? He had been so cute, showing her the playground and she loved the way he took care of Meadow. She liked that everyone was so easy with her but watching  
Meadow and Bellamy together made Clarke's heart melt. And then he offered her a life. A life she always wanted for Meadow, but he also had been so intense and serious that she couldn't help but feel scared. They didn't know each other anymore. She just couldn't stay here just because she wanted to. Even when she had just so many more reasons to stay here, she thought sadly, and her gaze turned towards the tiny person next to her.

Clarke felt a lump in her throat. Tears were burning in her eyes while she watched Meadow sleep. Back then she had been so sure about her decision about raising her without a father, but now she started to question it. She started to regret it and seeing how happy Meadow was around someone like Bellamy, made her even more torn.

Clarke woke up at eleven o'clock in the morning. Meadow was already awake and gone. Probably her mother took her, letting Clarke rest. With a little headache and a queasy stomach Clarke sat up straight. It took her a few minutes before her brain started to work again, to remember the hot make-out session she had with Bellamy the day before.

Oh God no! What was she supposed to do? He surely wanted to talk about it, about them. Them … there was no them. She just couldn't give up everything she had in Cleveland. She wasn't ready for this kind of talk. She would break his heart, no matter if she decided to stay or not. She shouldn't have told him. She couldn't stay here and keep lying to him. He deserved so much better. But she had been a coward. She had gone the easiest way and after what happened the day before, it would only get worse.

Clarke shook her head; no she couldn't stay. If she stayed she had to tell him the truth and if she did he will hate her forever. So it was the best to stay quiet and avoid him, at least for today. Thankfully the luck was on her side, for a change, because after taking a shower, Clarke went into an empty kitchen. So no Bellamy before coffee, which was a good start.

The blonde filled a cup with the hot, dark liquid and took a short but appreciative sip. She rested her forearms on the isle and let her eyes wandering around when a cheerful Octavia stepped into the kitchen with Meadow in her arms.

"Good Midday Clarke," Octavia sang, which made Clarke resist the urge to knock her out because seriously, how could she be this cheerful after last night?

"Morning." 

Was all Clarke got out. She took another sip and eyed her friend with the little blonde, shaking her head amused.

"If I didn't know better I would think that she is yours. You are literally glued to her."  
Octavia's smile grew wider, "Well, I wouldn't mind. She is so cute." She rubbed her nose against Meadow's cheek and Clarke rolled her eyes. "Yeah but she is my daughter so give her to me. It feels like I haven't seen her since we came here." Clarke held out her hands and with a face like a kicked puppy Octavia handed her the girl.

"So, what are your plans for today?"

"Hm, I don't know. I don't really have any," shrugged Clarke and Octavia nodded.

"Well, most of the staff will be outside the ranch the whole day, they shouldn't be back before six, so we have the whole house for ourselves –"

Thank God, no Bellamy before the evening, Clarke thought.

" – and I don't know, maybe we can bake something? Maybe you can show me one or two things?" Her voice was soft and if Clarke didn't know better she would say that Octavia was insecure.

"Yeah, absolutely. But is it okay if we do it later? I would like to sober up first."

Octavia giggled gleefully. "No problem."

 ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

They both sat in the big living room and were playing with Meadow on a blanket when Clarke's phone buzzed in her pockets.

A look on the caller's ID made her stomach twist around and apparently she grimaced because Octavia asked her if everything was okay.

Clarke swallowed, and ignored the call. "Yeah, everything is fine."

But when her phone buzzed again, Clarke groaned and asked Octavia where she could speak in private. The brunette looked suspicious for a second before telling her that she could use Kane's office.

"The second door on the left, right next to the entrance."

The blonde nodded in thanks and rushed out of the living room into the ranch owner's office.

Annoyed and aggressive Clarke picked up the call. "What Finn, what?"

" _Is it true?_ " Just like her, he didn't mind to greet her with a 'Hello' or 'How are you Clarke'. Besides the anger, there was something else in his voice, something like bitterness.

"Is what true?" Hissed Clarke wanting to end the call immediately. But she knew how stubborn Finn was, he wouldn't stop calling her just because she hung up on him.

Without a pause Finn answered her question and it sounded like he pressed it through his teeth.

" _That you have a daughter?_ "

Her heartbeat stopped for a second. How the hell did he know? She never told him about Meadow. She never told anyone about the father, he couldn't have known!

"What do you want Finn?" Clarke asked coldly, deciding that she would ignore his question.  
Clearly Finn didn't share her idea and asked again, " _Do you have a daughter Clarke?_ "

Again Clarke stayed silent and the man pushed further. " _Is she mine, Clarke? She has to be. I have seen a picture of –_ "

"Are you stalking me?" Where the hell could he have seen a picture of Meadow? "Did you break into my apartment?"  
" _What?_ " Finn asked with a high pitched voice. " _No, of course not! I was at your pastry shop and Anya said you are on holiday with your mom and your daughter. She showed me a picture of her Clarke. So, I am asking you again – is she **my** daughter?_ "

"When you have seen a picture of her why did you even ask me if it's true?" Asked Clarke edgy and her heart hammered in her chest. Panic rose in the pit of her stomach.

A loud huff was heard at the end of the line and the next time Finn spoke it was more like a growl, " _Clarke?!_ "

"It's none of your business Finn," retorted the blonde, no less coldly and growling than Finn.

" _Of course it is_ ," he barked out and Clarke winced at the change of volume.

"It's not Finn! Not since the day I walked into you fucking my best friend in your stupid kitchen!" Her voice was getting louder, shaking with anger when the pictures popped up in her head again.

" _How long do you want to reproach me for this Clarke, huh? I have apologized to you and I wanted to give us a second chance. And you were the one who ended it for good Clarke! Don't forget that. I had no choice! And I have a fucking right to know –_ "

"You have no fucking right to fucking _anything_ Finn!" Interrupted Clarke with a yell. Tears burnt into her eyes and her hand was shaking with anger. She wouldn't let him make her responsible for the end of their relationship. He had been the cheating one, not her!

"You are the one to blame for the end of our relationship, not me! You have been cheating on me and not the other way around! I have loved you Finn and you ruined me! So don't make it sound like it's all my fault, okay?"

" _IS SHE MY DAUGHTER CLARKE?_ "

" **NO** FINN! SHE **ISN'T** YOURS!" She couldn't hold it back any longer. She was screaming, shaking and crying at the same time. She was so mad. Mad at Finn, mad at Chloe, mad at herself.

What followed was a long and thick silence. Clarke swallowed heavily, her heart beat like crazy when she grabbed her forehead, closing her eyes, trying to make the pain to go away.

" _You are lying_ ," his voice was nearly a whisper but it was hard and cold again.

She shook her head, opening her eyes, everything around her was blurred. "No I'm not."

" _Yes you are. She has to be my daughter. I am the only one you –_ " Finn stopped himself, seconds of silence followed before he mumbled something, then he said, " _You bitch. You have slept with someone right after we broke up!_ "

Clarke couldn't believe what he had just called her. The anger was now stronger than ever. The tears vanished and she yelled into the phone, "Don't you dare call me that! Like you are a child of sorrow Finn! You were fucking someone else while being in a relationship. What I was doing after the break up is none of your business!"

" _So have you slept with someone?!_ "

This time it was Clarke who fell silent. She swallowed and God, she just wanted to end it. She just wanted to hang up and never see or hear him again, ever.

She licked her lips. "Meadow isn't your daughter Finn." Her voice was quieter again, but it was more painful than during the yelling. She was just so tired.

" _I still don't –_ "

"Believe me Finn! Meadow isn't your daughter!"

" _Who is the father then?_ "

"It's someone you don't know."

" _So you are a happy family now?_ " Now Finn sounded bitter and Clarke sighed loudly, rubbing her forehead.

"No, he doesn't know neither."

But Finn pushed further, " _No Clarke, she has to –_ "

"She isn't your daughter Fi-"

" _Whose is she then?_ " He didn't want to listen!

" **BELLAMY BLAKE** , FINN! She is Bellamy Blake's daughter and he doesn't know. And now leave me alone! There is nothing left for you here."

With that she hung up, pressing her hand over her mouth and letting the tears roll down her face. She switched off her phone as she saw that Finn called her again. It took her nearly five more minutes before she calmed down. She whipped away the tears and took deep breaths before feeling strong enough to leave the office again.

She checked her reflection at the wardrobe before heading out, walking into the living room and being confronted by a shocked looking Octavia. "Bellamy is Meadow's father?"

 

Clarke blinked, Octavia's words took her by surprise. She opened her mouth but nothing came out. She tried it again. "Did you eavesdrop on me Octavia?"

Octavia snorted appraisingly. "I didn't need to because you were yelling so loud that even the people in Alaska heard what you said, loud and clear," gave Octavia waspishly back and asking again if Bellamy was Meadow's father.

Clarke swallowed. The panic was back in her veins, her heartbeat raked into the sky and tears where about to crawl back into her eyes but she managed to hold them back. She stayed silent for a very long time, before nodding. "Yes."

"No," breathed Octavia and clapped her hand over her mouth. "No, no it's not possible. You haven't seen each other and she, she is just three, so it, it can't and – he doesn't know."

It wasn't a question, it was a statement. "You haven't told him. You, that's why he had been so angry at the first evening and –"

"Octavia," Clarke said softly, trying to calm her friend down who started to go crazy, "Octavia I can explain it but first you need to calm down, please."

"Calm down? Calm down Clarke? You and my brother have a child and he doesn't know and, and he has to know Clarke! You have to tell him. He has a right to know!"

"I know Octavia," said Clarke firmly and tried not to lose control over herself again, "Believe me, I know. But it's complicated and –"

"And what? What's so complicated about –"

"It's complicated because we haven't seen each other in four years O. We haven't had much contact before then neither and I … I already told him that she was Finn's."

 

The moment the words left her mouth, Clarke wished she hadn't said it. Octavia's jaw dropped to the floor and after the first shock her gaze darkened. She looked disgusted.  
"You told Bellamy that she is Finn's? But you just said that she is – what kind of sick game are you playing Clarke?"

First she wanted to object, she opened her mouth but then – Octavia was right. She was playing a sick, unfair and pathetic game. Clarke sighed, close to tears (again) and tore her hair before telling Octavia how sorry she was and that she didn't know what to do anymore.

"Well, tell him the truth! If you know the truth," commanded Octavia and Clarke rubbed her forehead, biting the inside of her cheek.

"Do you know for sure that Bellamy is the father? And speaking of – how can he be the father if you haven't seen each other in more than nine years."

Clarke stayed quiet, before she answered softly, her eyes lying on her daughter who was still playing with her dolls, "Because the last time we saw each other wasn't nine but four years ago. And also", she started to add as Octavia opened her mouth, "he was the only one I have slept with."

"Wha-what?"

 

Clarke licked her lips, looking straight into Octavia's eyes before repeating herself. "The last time I have slept with Finn had been three month before our break up. Bellamy is Meadow's father Octavia. He is the only one who comes in question."

Octavia blinked, a puzzled look on her face. "And why does Finn think she is his?"

"Because he is an idiot. He probably thinks I have been three months pregnant when I walked into him and Chloe. We never really met again after that Octavia. He didn't know about Meadow or her birthdate."

The brunette shook her head. "No, no, no. God, no Clarke! This is so –"

"- complicated?" helped Clarke and an empty laughed left her lips. "I have told you that it is."

"Well, I wanted to say confusing, but yeah," mumbled Octavia.

"Why didn't you tell Bellamy the truth, when you know that he is the father? Why did you stay quiet and now showing up with his child but instead of telling him the truth you keep lying to him? Why Clarke? I don't get that."

 

"I didn't want to Octavia. I, I came down here to tell him okay? And I haven't told him in the first place because … because I didn't want to ruin his life with loading the weight of taking care of a human being onto his shoulders. He already did enough by flying across the country to comfort me, even though we haven't had any contact for five years. I … I didn't want him to pay … didn't want him to regret that or to push him for something, anything. I didn't want him to stay by my side because he felt responsible for me and the baby. And when I arrived, I wanted to tell him but there was no opportunity and then he asked me right out of nowhere and I got scared. I don't know why and I know that this is wrong in every possible way okay? But when he asked me, my mind went blank and I lied. I told him I've slept with Finn, so he would believe me that he isn't the father. I lied because I am a coward. And now I don't know what to do because if I tell him the truth, if I tell him that I lied to him, he will hate me forever –"

 

"But he will hate you even more if you keep lying Clarke."

Clarke swallowed. She swallowed the thick lump in her throat because somewhere deep inside her she knew that Octavia was right, that she had to stop it – the sooner the better.

"I don't know if I can…" Her voice broke off because her throat tightened again. She didn't know if she could put her pride and her pain aside, to muster up all her strength and tell Bellamy the truth. Of course Octavia was right, if there was something left to save she had to do it now. She didn't want this to happen, this wasn't the way she planned it, even though she hadn't imagined Bellamy being happy when she told him about being Meadow's dad but now he would be angry, mad, furious. Maybe he would never want to see her again?!

 

At this moment his words ran through her head, 'I don't care if she is mine or not, Clarke'. Her heart tightened. Would he still think the same way if he knew that she lied? Probably not. So she couldn't give Meadow a father one way or another right?

"Clarke?"

The blonde jumped when she felt a hand on her arms and looked with blurred eyes into Octavia's face. She had been so lost in her thoughts that she didn't notice that Octavia was talking to her.  
"I," Octavia let out a breath "you have to tell him Clarke. He has a right to know and even when he will be pissed, believe me, he won't abandon the people he cares about."

She sent a little smile towards Clarke, the first since this conversation had started.

"He has to know and you said it yourself, you came here with the intention of telling him. So you should still do that. I mean, there has to be a reason why you decided to tell him, right? Even when it's a little late, but – better late than never. You have to tell him. Even if you are scared. Even if it'll cause problems and make everything even worse – you have to put everything aside and tell him."

"And then what?" Asked Clarke, her voice and gaze thickened with tears.

"And then you go from there." Octavia answered softly. 

 

A few moments later Clarke burst out into tears and immediately she was pulled into a tight hug. Octavia caressed her hand over Clarke's back, rocking them softly back and forth which made Clarke just cry even harder.

"It's okay Clarke. It's okay."

Clarke didn't know how long she had been crying. She just knew that it was the only thing she could do at this moment and that it felt so good. It was like all the pressure fell off of her. It was so good to talk to someone about all this, finally. She held it back far too long. She never had spoken to anyone about Meadow's father, she always tried to push it away and to do it on her own but it had been too much lately.

At some point Meadow crawled towards her on the couch, making a sad face and asking what was wrong with her mommy. Clarke tried to stop crying immediately. She didn't want Meadow to see her in this state. She didn't want to make her daughter sad as well. But Octavia was faster. She grabbed Meadow quickly, telling her that Clarke was a little sad and needed a few minutes on her own, so she walked out of the living room, letting Clarke cry for as long as there were no tears left to fall.

 ___________________________________________________________________________________

As the tears stopped, Clarke's headache returned, just even worse now. Her eyes were puffed and red so she remained a little longer in the living room before looking for Octavia and her daughter.  
She found them outside at the back porch where Octavia sat into a rocking chair with Meadow in her lap, both were looking into an old book.

Carefully Clarke stepped closer. And while Meadow was too distracted from the book, Octavia looked up and both women exchanged a short smile. Clarke took a seat next to them and now she could see what Meadow and Octavia were looking into. It was an old photo album and it showed old pictures of the ranch and the people who have been and still were working and living here.

"And look whose there," Octavia grinned and pointed at a picture on the right page, "this is your mommy Meadow. Your mommy on a horse, wearing your hat."

Clarke smiled at the memory and made a mental note to take a look herself into that album.  
Meadow's eyes stayed a few seconds on the picture before her small fingers started to turn to the next page. Octavia rolled her eyes. "You barely even looked at this page Meadow," darned O the little girl who didn't care. "So impatient," Octavia added towards Clarke, who formed an amused smile. Clarke eyed the two of them a little longer before asking Octavia, "So, when will you get pregnant?"

When Octavia bit her bottom lip, a deep v craved on Clarke's forehead.

"What? Too personal?" Clarke asked uncertain and worried but Octavia shook her head quickly.

"No, it's just …"

"You haven't talked with Lincoln about that?"

Again Octavia shook her head. "No, no we have talked about it."

"Sooo?" Asked Clarke carefully and long-drawn-out.

"We, well, we, uhm … we can't." Her voice was soft, almost a whisper and something sad had settled in.

Clarke frowned again. "You can't?"

Octavia sighed, gazing towards the sky and swallowed.

Guilt gripped Clarke, because she shouldn't push Octavia to tell her something she might not want to. Also it wasn't any of her business. So Clarke apologized but O shook her head, again.

"It's okay. We, we are still trying to figure another way out but Lincoln and I … we … he can't have children." Octavia smiled with a pained expression and Clarke felt nothing but empathy. 

Which had to be showing on her face because Octavia immediately told her that she was okay.

"I am okay Clarke. Well, of course this makes everything harder and complicated but we both love each other. We will figure something out. I mean, you have a lot of possibilities today. Semen donation, adoption… and maybe you two will be around more often soon, so I can satisfy my need for cuddling and taking care of a little worm." 

Octavia rubbed her nose against Meadow's cheek again and even if she had no intention to, Octavia's words made Clarke start to think about Bellamy again.

That she needed to tell him. She had no choice. Octavia was right, he had a right to know and what was even more important – Clarke was tired of being alone. She was tired of her own game and of her own doubts. She was tired of it, all of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoaaa, who saw that coming?! :P
> 
> Also - did I pull a Mark Sloan (Grey's Anatomy) with Octavia?! YES I DID! At least a little ... seriously, Mark's words about "if you love someone you tell them" right before he dies are one of the most beautiful ones.


	9. The Unsaid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy and Clarke dancing around their talk they need to have & Bellamy starts to fall way too deep into the being a family thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so lets start the party guys! We got renewed! We’ll get our season 4! And I hope they’ll keep focusing on the delinquents & sky people this time! Season 4 can be OUR season guys. I’m so damn happy! I can really enjoy the rest of the season now.   
> Thank you for your comments. I’m pretty sure you’ll hate me after this chapter, but, well – I had no choice? ^^” Please let me know what you think & celebrate this day xD   
> Thanks goes as usual to my beta pandorathefirst (https://www.fanfiction.net/u/5466809/)

Bellamy had crossed his arms in front of his chest, eyeing the cow's belly carefully while Lincoln was touching it.

"Okay, everything is fine," Lincoln said and closed his kit before turning towards Bellamy.

"She should give birth the next three or four days. You should keep her in the stalls from now on, at least for the night."

Bellamy nodded, as a sign that he understood. "Alright, I will tell Kane later." Lincoln and he stepped out of the box where he had brought the cow in for examination.

"You think she would take care of the maverick?" Bellamy asked, looking through the grids towards the pregnant cow which licked her stomach where Lincoln had touched it.

"I can't say for sure," Lincoln said slowly, "but the chances are good. We will have to wait and see."

"Yeah," Bellamy said quietly and just turned towards Lincoln when they both heard steps and muffled voices. Bellamy frowned. They both looked towards the entrance and seconds later a fast walking Octavia appeared, pulling a protesting Clarke after her.

 

"Oh Bellamy, there you are!" Said Octavia with a mix of relief and amusement and fastened her steps. Just like he could disappear any moment.

Bellamy's eyes shot from his sister towards the blonde behind her and his stomach jumped, his heart raked into the sky and even further. An itchy feeling crawled down his spine and a weak and nervous smile curved his lips because he hadn't seen Clarke after the kiss two days ago. He had tried to talk to her after he came back to the ranch yesterday but Clarke had been out with Octavia and this morning she still had been sleeping when he was in the house. So he hadn't had the chance to talk to her. Asking her how she felt about everything and if she had thought about his offer. If she thought that their kiss was a mistake … because Bellamy slowly but steadily started to believe that he shouldn't have kissed her, even though technically she had been the one who started the kiss.

He shouldn't have kissed her back. He should have ended it, telling her that this was a mistake. That they needed to talk first but just like four years ago, Bellamy gave in. He had been too weak to tear her down. It felt too good to kiss her, feeling something in his guts that on one hand freaked him out on the other it was the best feeling in the world. He was afraid. He was afraid that she would turn him down,tell him that it really had been a mistake and that she didn't want him in her life like he wanted her in his … her and Meadow. Bellamy's stomach felt sick but he pulled himself together, trying to calm his heartbeat down when Clarke gave him a shy smile before hissing something to Octavia.

Bellamy forced himself to take his eyes off of Clarke's pink cheeks and facing his sister, who just gave her boyfriend a short kiss on his cheek. "What do you want O?"

The sudden mischievous grin on Octavia's lips gave Bellamy a bad feeling. She hatched something, that was he sure of and he didn't like it. Not a bit.

"Ohhh, I don't want anything from you big brother."

"Octavia," hissed Clarke again but the brunette ignored her perfectly.

"But Clarke here wants something."

"No! No, I don't," protested Clarke quickly and shook her head. Octavia turned towards the blonde, probably giving her a warning gaze – Bellamy couldn't see because she stood with her back to him but he knew Octavia, so he didn't have to know so – and said, "Of course Clarke! You just told me that you would like to have a look around at the rest of the ranch."

Clarke sighed, "Yeah, but I –"

"Great," interrupted Octavia loudly and turned towards Bellamy again, the mischievous grin back on her lips. "So Clarke wants to take a look around and I thought you could give her a private tour. I mean, like Kane said; nobody knows this place as good as you do. You grew up here."

Bellamy frowned, already knowing what his sister was trying to. And Bellamy still didn't know if he liked the idea or not and if he should leave it or take it. "Well," he said slowly, "you grew up here as well, so why –"

"Because I have plenty of work to do," said Octavia firmly and giving him a warning look, just the same look she probably gave Clarke a few moments earlier.

Bellamy opened his mouth but Clarke was quicker. She pulled at Octavia's arm and told her to "stop it!". Her cheeks were colored in a deep red now. Then she faced Bellamy, "I am sorry Bell –" No, no his heart didn't jump at her saying his nickname, not at all. "- I didn't want to bother you. I tried to hold her back but –"

"You don't bother me," assured Bellamy her hastily, which made Clarke bite her bottom lip and God damn, he couldn't help but look at it. His heart beat faster because he remembered how he took this lip between his teeth and the delicious sound Clarke made back then. He swallowed and got snapped out his thoughts by Octavia who clapped her hands satisfied. "Perfect. And that's why you will show her around Bellamy. I mean, you have to stop at the cattle's on the south anyway, so it's killing two birds with one stone."

 

"You really don't have to do this," said Clarke softly when they both saddled the horses.

"I know," answered Bellamy short. "But like Octavia said, I have to check on the cattle herd in the south anyway, so I can show you around. Not that much had changed the last years though."

Clarke sent him a weak smile over the horse's back, which she barley could look over to.

"Okay … but I'm not sure if I can still ride. I haven't been on a horse's back since I was 17," explained Clarke, gazing at the horse incredulously.

Bellamy grinned. "It's just like riding a bicycle Clarke. You don't forget how to do it." He straightened the stirrup and they both lead the horses outside the stable.

"We will see about that," mumbled Clarke and put her foot on the stirrup, trying to get herself up into the saddle. But to Bellamy's amusement and her anger, she didn't make it. She tried it a second time and after her fourth try Bellamy couldn't hold back a laugh, which earned him a dark gaze from Clarke.

"Don't laugh at me Blake," nagged Clarke and demanded the horse to stand still. Bellamy rolled his eyes in amused annoyance. Of course she blamed the animal for not getting into the saddle.

But instead of helping her, Bellamy crossed his arms over his chest and kept watching. He wouldn't move a finger if she didn't ask for his help. Clarke always had been too stubborn and proud to ask any one for help, just like him.

"You know," Bellamy started, "I wanted to be back by dinner." His voice had a teasingly sound and he didn't even try to hold back the grin.

Clarke growled. "I know! If you would stop looking at me I would already be up there. You make the horse nervous," said Clarke like it was Bellamy's fault now that the horse shifted nervously.

Bellamy snorted. "Of course I do."

A few moments later Clarke's shoulders slumped and her head washanging in disappointment when she turned around and asked almost too quietly for Bellamy's help.

"Took you long enough," he said and decided not to tease her any longer so he walked over to her to give her a hand.

It was a strange feeling being so close to her again. He hovered over her, his heart beat hastily in his chest and he could smell her perfume, which almost clouded his senses. He remembered smelling it two days ago, when they were sitting at the front porch and when they kissed. Maybe his mind fooled him but he was sure that Clarke's body tensed when he reached her. Bellamy swallowed. He could easily bend down to kiss her. They both looked at each other and a strange feeling rushed through his body when he noticed that Clarke's eyes fell to his lips for a split second.

 

Seconds later his eyes were doing the same thing. They shot down to her lips, then back into her wonderful blue eyes. A voice inside him yelled, demanding him to just do it, to kiss her but a second, louder voice told him not to listen to the first one. That he had to talk with her first before kissing her again. That he deserved better than just being someone she could play with.

So Bellamy did what he was told to, he cleared his throat and broke the eye contact. The second voice was right, he shouldn't kiss her again, not until they hadn't talked about … them. So Bellamy folded his hands together, bend down a little so Clarke could put her foot into them and with his help she was on the horse's back in no time.

"Thank you," Clarke mumbled with pink cheeks and Bellamy mirrored her little smile, before patting the horse gently. "No problem." With that, and a wild jumping heart, Bellamy got onto his horse and they both rode south towards the cattle.

With every second Clarke sat in the saddle she became more confident, she even careered.

 

"Do you have to use this often?" Asked Clarke after a while of riding in a comfortable silence and pointing at the gun in its holster.

Bellamy looked from the gun to Clarke and thought about it. "Not very often. It depends."

"On what?"

"On the season and if there are any news that we have predators or thieves around here."

Clarke blinked. "You, you use them on people?"

Bellamy shrugged. "If I have to. But mostly to chase them away." He added quickly as he saw Clarke's shocked expression.

She eyed him a little while longer, like she was trying to find out if he just said it to calm her down or if it was the truth, but then she nodded softly.

Her eyes glanced over the landscape in front of her and Bellamy couldn't help but keep his eyes on her beautiful expression. Her straightened back, her blonde hair and the gentle smile on her lips. He took all these things in before Clarke's voice filled the silence again. "Are you using the gun often on animals?"

Again he thought a little before he answered. "Just when my life or the cattle's or horses' lives are in danger. I mean, I have to defend myself and the animals. I'm not killing for fun you know. Only if I have to. And even then I try to scare them away first by shooting into the air," Bellamy explained and they both rode through a few trees.

"Who is the best man with a gun? Still you?" Asked Clarke, winking at Bellamy and he felt his cheeks flush a little. He laughed. "Not anymore. Raven kills it. She is the best. But Murphy is pretty good as well."

Clarke grinned and they both looked into each other's eyes silently. Bellamy felt his heart beat wildly in its ribcage and a tingling feeling spread between them. It was nice but also crushing when the knowledge sank in that they still hadn't talked about their kiss. They both tried to avoid the subject. It wasn't that he felt uncomfortable with Clarke right now but he knew that they couldn't avoid it forever. He didn't want to. Bellamy licked his lips and opened his mouth but before he even got out a letter, Clarke said, "So maybe I have a chance to finally beat you?"

Bellamy's eyebrows quirked up sceptically. A bright grin appeared on his lips when he asked amused, "Oh really?"

Clarke nodded, her smile bigger than before.

"You really think you can beat me in shooting?"

"Of course. I mean, yeah, I haven't touched a gun for more than twelve years or so but you're losing against Raven, so I might have a chance."

Bellamy snorted loudly. He shook his head. "Losing against Raven isn't a sign that I'm this bad that even you can beat me Clarke. You had always been horrible. Do yourself a favor and don't embarrass yourself by trying to beat me and not even hitting one can at all."

The blonde made a scornful noise. "Ha, you are just too scared to lose Bellamy."Her eyes sparkled teasingly and Bellamy sighed dramatically. "Okay, as you wish Griffin. But don't say I didn't warn you."

 

He led them to a fire range, a three minutes ride from the main building away. They both tied the horses against a tree and Bellamy picked up and arranged the cans almost thirty meters away.

Then he grabbed the gun, released the safety catch and handed Clarke the gun.

"Ladies first," he said amused and Clarke snapped the weapon out of his hands. She rolled back her shoulder blades, her head held up high – like a real princess – and then she cleared her throat.

She positioned the gun in her hands and peeked through the gun sight but before she could pull the trigger, Bellamy cleared his throat loudly. Clarke looked up. "What?"

"You are holding it wrong Clarke."

Clarke frowned, looking back to the rifle before shifting it a little. Then she looked back through the gun sight and Bellamy rolled his eyes, coughing a "still wrong".

"Oh yeah?" Clarke asked a little annoyed and Bellamy nodded satisfied. "Yeah. Seriously Clarke, you can't even hold the gun right. You will never beat me!"

"Well, I am a little rusty, that's all," explained Clarke and they both knew that it wasn't true. But none of them said it. They both liked the teasing and the game they played. It was fun and light and just like the old days.

"If you think so," mumbled Bellamy but when Clarke positioned the gun wrong for the third time Bellamy couldn't stop himself from walking behind her, grabbing one hand at the rifle and the other on her shoulder blade.

"A little higher, you have to hold it there. And this hand should be here so you have a better grip."

And then, out of nowhere, Bellamy realized how close he was. He was even closer than two hours before when he'd helped her to get on the horse. His hand still laid on her shoulder, while the other fell down from the gun to her waist. He could hear that Clarke stopped breathing, she tensed under his touch and his lips were so close to her ear. His breath became deeper and when he let out a breath through his nose he felt Clarke shivering. Bellamy licked his lips and bent down a little, hesitatingly. 

Then he stopped, his mouth only millimetres away from her skin, like he waited for some kind of permission. Clarke was still tense and holding her breath. His eyes flickered over her skin and at her face. He could see that her eyes were closed, her teeth buried into her bottom lip. His heart bashed loudly and he still hadn't moved. Again the voices in his head were fighting. He didn't know what to do. He wanted to touch her so badly. It was so good to feel her body under his hands again and at the same time he had never been more frustrated.

Bellamy closed his eyes. He counted the seconds – one, two, three, four – then he swallowed and stepped back without kissing her. He took his hands away from her and at the exact same second Clarke let out the breath she was holding. His heart and stomach dropped in disappointment and the heat still in his body he coughed loudly, telling Clarke that she was holding the gun right now.

 

Of course Clarke hadn't beaten him. She lost miserably. Twenty minutes later they stepped into the main building, Bellamy still teasing Clarke. They still hadn't talked about their kiss. They both hadn't talked about the moment at the fire range. They ignored it perfectly, pretending like it never happened.

"I have at least hit three cans. And you said I wouldn't hit one." Clarke defended herself, looking over her shoulder and Bellamy hold up both hands.

"My mistake Clarke, you hit three cans … out of fifteen." Clarke stuck out her tongue, which Bellamy mirrored when a voice caught their attention.

"Look how childish the adults are these days Meadow."

Clarke and Bellamy turned their faces towards a mischievous smiling Raven who was holding the three year old in her arms.

Bellamy couldn't see but he was sure that Clarke rolled her eyes when she walked towards Raven to grab her daughter. "It's just because he is," she explained and nodded into Bellamy's direction. Raven glared at him for a few seconds and something knowingly sparkled in her eyes before she turned towards Clarke, agreeing that Bellamy could be a pain in the ass. "Must be a family thing," Raven said and winked.

Bellamy opened his mouth to protest but Raven spoke again, "Whatever. Your mom gave her to me. She and Kane head out and I have to go to the repair shop with one of the trucks so she is all yours now." She pinched the little girl's cheek and mumbled at Bellamy when she was passing by. "Have some family time Blake. I will tell Nathan to take care of your duties today."

She winked at him again but before she went out Bellamy grabbed her arm, stopping her and making a questionable face. Raven rolled her eyes in annoyance. Like she couldn't believe that he didn't get it. Without looking at Clarke she mumbled, "They will leave within two or three days Bellamy. If you want to make a move you should do it now. So you are off for today. Spend some time with these girls and maybe you can be a happy family in the long haul." She disappeared then, leaving a nervous Bellamy behind.

The cowboy looked after his former one night stand and swallowed. He hadn't thought about it but now that Raven mentioned it - the Griffins would leave by Sunday at the latest. Today was Thursday. If he wanted to do something he should hurry up. And doing something meant that he and Clarke really had to talk. But not when Meadow was with them. But tonight. Tonight he would confront her, at least that was what he was planning to do. He gave himself three more seconds before he turned around, smiling towards the two blondes and his stomach twisted at their sight.

"So, what do you want to do now?" He asked playfully and tried to tell himself that he shouldn't enjoy the next few hours overly because it wouldn't be real, it wouldn't be what he wanted it to be. No matter how much he wanted to have it. He told himself that Meadow, Clarke and him weren't a family, which they probably never would be …

 

He shouldn't have enjoyed it as much as he did. It felt so natural and real. Like they have always been together and around each other. Like they were a family and not only pretended to be. They spent the rest of the day together and it was an overwhelming feeling which stuck in Bellamy's stomach ever since. Clarke and he had played with Meadow. He had shown her the maverick and put her on a pony's back so she could ride a little. While he looked out that Meadow wouldn't fall down, Clarke had leaned against a fence watching them with a soft smile on her lips. Bellamy showed Meadow the tractor and she helped him feed the cattle.

Everything felt perfectly in its place. Clarke and Bellamy worked perfectly hand in hand and Meadow was always smiling. It was nice to have them around and it amazed and scared him at the same time because it made everything even more complicated and harder for him. He still didn't know what Clarke was thinking and her behavior didn't make it easier. In the one moment he was so sure that she would stay, that she would give them a chance – no matter how ridiculous it still sounded because they barely knew each other – and in the following moment his heart tightened painfully because he knew that she would leave him. Mostly Bellamy tried to push all these thoughts and worries aside and tried just to enjoy the moment.

Just like now – the three of them sat around a little bonfire Bellamy had made. It was near the main building but also slightly hidden so you couldn't instantly see them when you got into the backyard. Bellamy asked Clarke if she would like to eat dinner outside and so instead of joining the other's in the kitchen, Bellamy, Clarke and Meadow sat outside and had eaten. Meadow had never been at a bonfire or ate bread stick so her eyes had been wide and shiny when her tiny fingers were wrapped around the stick, while holding it into the flames. After she finished her bread she picked up little twigs and threw them into the fire. Sometimes, when the twigs broke loudly, Meadow squeaked and ran into her mother's arms, which made the adults laugh. Clarke and Bellamy didn't talk much during the dinner and even when they finished they mostly watched Meadow or spoke with her. But it was a comfortable silence.

After an hour at the fire place, Meadow yawned loudly and snuggled into her mother's body, her eyes fluttering close.

"Oh is someone tired?" Clarke asked her daughter softly, who shook her head but at the same time another yawn left her mouth.

"I think there is," grinned Bellamy and Clarke glanced over. "Yeah, I think so too. I will bring her to bed." With that Clarke got up, shifting her daughter in her arms. Bellamy bit his bottom lip before stopping Clarke from leaving.

"May, may I?"

The blonde frowned, looking down at him. "May you what?"

Bellamy's heart jumped, his stomach twisted and his palms were sweaty. His throat tightened and he needed some time to find his voice. "May I bring her to bed?" With every letter that left his mouth his heartbeat sped up. He didn't know if he crossed a line with this request. He also didn't know why he had asked. It was just that he knew that, even if Clarke and Meadow would disappear out of his life again, he wanted to know how it would feel like putting her to bed. And maybe it would be a mistake after all because it would be a one-time thing but somewhere inside him he felt the urge to do so. He wanted to know how it felt like.

Clarke blinked. He could see how she hesitated. She would thank him but still say no. He just knew it. He crossed the line. It wasn't his business after all. Clarke bit her inner cheek, her eyes gazing from his pleading face – yeah, he was pleading and he didn't care – towards her half sleeping daughter, before she nodded.

"Yeah, okay."

Bellamy's heart jumped out of joy and a hot wave of excitement rushed through his veins and a thankful smile appeared on his face. He got up and within two steps he stood in front of Clarke who handed him her daughter carefully. Bellamy swallowed when the small, tired girl fully weighted in his arms. His eyes flew across the relaxed face in awe before he smiled at Clarke who looked at him with a mixture of pain, happiness and a little worry.

"Thank you," mumbled Bellamy and the blonde forced her lips into a smile. Her eyes seemed to get wet and she started to chew on her bottom lip. Bellamy's eyes scanned her expression a little while longer before Clarke told him he shouldn't forget to leave the little light on near the door and to make sure Meadow had her stuffed animal.

"Okay," nodded Bellamy softly, "I'll be back in a few minutes." The he left the blonde and walked towards the main building. When he closed the door behind him, Bellamy changed Meadow into her pyjama, leaving her underwear on. It would be weird for him to take off her clothes completely when he wasn't much more than a stranger to the girl, technically. So he took off her little shoes and socks while Meadow's eyes were fluttering up and down again and a yawn filled the room. Bellamy grinned. When he finished he put her down into the mattress as gently as he could.

He tucked the blanket over the little body and stuck the stuffed animal – a giraffe – right next to it. Then Bellamy remained where he was. He didn't leave the room immediately. Instead his eyes flickered over the sleeping figure and his heart went heavy again. He sighed silently and scratched his stubbled cheek, chewing his bottom lip just like Clarke did a few minutes before, while his mind run deep. He swallowed, then he made the decision and bent down to give Meadow a kiss on her little cheek.

"Sleep well princess," he whispered with a soft and raspy voice. His throat was glued together, so he forced himself to leave – before it would get worse. Before he left the room he looked back at the little version of Clarke and switched on the light by the door. When he went out he knew how screwed he was because he painfully had to admit it to himself that he was more than so damn ready to be a father.

Before walking back to the bonfire, Bellamy stopped by the kitchen and grabbed two beers and sneaked out a big blanket from a carpet in the hall. When he returned to Clarke she looked absently into the flames and winced a little when he held out the beer. An amused smile appeared on his lips because seriously, no one was as jumpy as Clarke. She thanked him and grabbed the beer and while Bellamy sat down next to her she eyed the blanket sceptically.

"In case we get cold," Bellamy explained and opened his bottle. Her mouth formed a silent "Ah" before she asked if everything went okay with Meadow.

"Oh yeah, she was already half asleep when we get into the room," Bellamy explained amused, "and the second she was covered by the blanket she fell asleep. She is really easy to take care of."

The woman next to him snorted. "Not always Bellamy. You should try to make her sleep when it's her birthday or the day before Christmas. She can really be a handful."

"Just like her mother," the cowboy teased lowly, while bringing the bottle to his lips, grinning into the fire.

"Hey, that is not true!" Protested Clarke and punched his shoulder while he gulped his beer and nearly choked on it.

 

They both grinned at each other playfully, then he turned back to the fire, his heart beating heavily in his chest again.  
Out of the corner of his eyes he could see how Clarke was watching him a little longer before looking into the flames as well.

A long silence stretched out between them and his heart beat so hard and loud that Bellamy was afraid that Clarke would hear it. He licked his lips, he still hadn't talked to her. They both were avoiding the subject the whole time now, though Bellamy knew that the longer he waited, the harder it would get. And when the Griffins once left, he wouldn't get his anymore. Then he would have to live with his actions, or the lack of them.

But Bellamy was still scared to hear Clarke telling him no. Even if he knew that they didn't love each other and even if he knew that she had no reason to stay because he wasn't Meadow's father, Bellamy didn't want them to leave.

So he took another sip before breaking the silence. He opened his mouth but instead of confronting her he said, "Lincoln has asked me for the permission to marry Octavia."

Coward, a loud voice yelled angry inside his head. He was a real coward. Bellamy mentally slapped himself but it was already too late. Now Lincoln and Octavia were the subject because Clarke gasped before squealing loudly. "Oh wow, that is wonderful."

Bellamy nodded in agreement, "Yeah it is."

The blonde grinned like Christmas day came earlier this year. "Wow, I can't believe it. When will he ask her?"

"I don't know honestly. He hadn't told me." Bellamy shrugged with his shoulders. "But I think he won't wait too long."

"Sweet," sighed Clarke and drank from her bottle of beer. "Well, then it looks like that we will see each other again soon, huh?"

She bumped her shoulder against his and Bellamy forced himself into a weak smile, while turning the bottle back and forth in his hands. "Seems like it, yeah."

This time the silence was unbearable. They both looked at their hands, probably thinking about the exact same thing. Bellamy emptied his beer within two more gulps and scratched the back of his neck before a soft sigh caught his attention. He turned his face and saw Clarke looking into the sky.

"What?" Asked Bellamy softly and Clarke closed her eyes, shaking her head before sighing again.

"I don't know. It's just … I'm really happy with my life, you know? I have a wonderful daughter and I'm my own boss. I know that, I know that I don't need a man to identify myself. Or to feel worthy. I don't need a guy to make it through life. I can do whatever the hell I want, well, almost. But I don't have to justify myself in front of anybody. It's nice to be independent and I don't need someone in my bed to sleep well. I don't need someone who looks out for me, but …"

She bit her inner cheek, when she stopped. Bellamy eyed her closely, recognizing that her breath got heavier, her voice sounded like her throat was glued together. Then she looked right into his eyes, breathing out loudly before looking back into the nowhere.

"Just because I don't need a man in my life it doesn't mean I don't want to have one. I, I haven't wanted anyone in my life for a very long time but … but now I want all these things again … I don't want to be alone anymore."

Bellamy's heart jumped so hard that he could feel it in his throat and hear it in his ears. Her voice was soft, shaky – insecure. His eyes flickered over her expression and a period of silence followed her words before Bellamy whispered with a raspy, deep voice. "You don't have to be."

Clarke laughed softly. She shook her head, her eyes still glued to the fire. "No, I don't … and I don't want to anymore." Then she faced him, looking right into his eyes. A hot shiver ran down his spine. He didn't even realize that he was holding his breath. His eyes flickered over Clarke's face. He hesitated, not sure if he should listen to his heart or to the voice in his head. He got lost into her blue eyes, then he moved … and grabbed her hand gently, and squeezed it softly.

The corner of Clarke's lips twitched up in return and he saw how she glanced down to their intertwined hands and back into his eyes, but not without resting on his mouth for a second too long. Bellamy caressed his thumb over her skin in small circles.

"I am tired of being alone." Whispered Clarke and her eyes filled up with tears. Bellamy stayed silent.

He just watched her closely before he buried his free hand into her blonde curls, leant forward and pulled her lips slowly and softly against his own. The muffled sound from the back of Clarke's throat rolled right into his bones. Her lips were smooth and he could taste the beer she had been drinking. Bellamy tightened his grasp a little, moving her head slightly aside so he had better access. At the same time, Clarke put her fingers on his cheek, while the other one was still intertwined with his. The kiss was slow, almost shy. They both took all the time in the world and none of them had any intention of deepening the kiss with their tongues. Bellamy heard Clarke swallow, while he took a deep breath through his nose, scenting her perfume and just like at the fire range it indulged his senses.

His hands started to move admiringly down at the small of her back. Without breaking the kiss Clarke climbed into his lap, wrapped her arms around his neck and pushed herself further into him. A deep and husky sound was let out of the back of Bellamy's throat. His heart raked like a roller coaster and he felt how her fingers wandered along his neck, over his cheeks to his shoulders and his chest in sweet movements. Just to do it all over again the other way round.

They kissed each other so innocently for a very long time. Then Clarke pulled away, breaking their lips apart and Bellamy let out a whining noise, chasing her lips with his mouth because he didn't want them to stop so soon. He didn't want to go back to the reality, not this early.

"Don't stop," Bellamy begged quietly and he had closed his eyes with a painful facial expression.  
A second later he felt Clarke's forehead against his and how her warm breath ran over his skin, giving him chills. They breathed in loudly and looked at each other. Bellamy smiled weakly, raising his hand and pushing absently a strand of blonde hair out of Clarke's face. She returned his smile and that was all it took to let Bellamy lean forward and capture her bottom lip between his teeth, pulling her into a new kiss.

This time he didn't waste time and pushed the tip of his tongue against her lips, asking for entrance. He had barely finished the stroke over her lips when Clarke already let him in. With full awareness Bellamy slipped his tongue into Clarke's mouth and touched hers. He pressed his hands harder against her body and Clarke's fingers rushed through his hair, her nails scratching his scalp almost a little too hard.

Bellamy moved his mouth faster and harder over Clarke's with every second she sat in his lap and their lips were touching. He felt the blood rush through his body down towards his pelvis. Without realizing his one hand fumbled with the hem of her shirt, his fingertips sneaking under the fabric to touch her skin.

With a giggle Clarke pulled away, grinning with flushed cheeks like a teenager. His heart was swollen with joy and somehow with pride. He mirrored her wide grin, which faded immediately when he saw Clarke chewing her bottom lip again.

Panic rose in his chest because every time Clarke bit her lips nothing good followed. He swallowed and began to speak – not that Clarke came up with the idea that this had been a mistake or tried to avoid him again. They still had to talk about this shit after all!

"Remember I have told you I don't want to force you into anything?" She nodded.

"Well, I still mean it but, man Clarke! We really have to talk about this." He emphasized the last word as underlining that he meant the two of them.

He saw Clarke opening her mouth, taking a deep breath but instead of answering him, she sighed loudly and something sad settled into her gaze.

His stomach dropped, his heart clenched together and his throat went dry. At the same time a tickling feeling spread through his body because Clarke's fingers touched his nape and played with the curls on the end of his hair. Her eyes went fuzzy and she mumbled a soft and almost bitter, "I know Bell." 

She was so quiet that Bellamy wasn't sure if she had said anything at all.

"But I don't know what this is."

"And neither do I," Bellamy interrupted her quickly and ruffled his hair with one hand before dropping it back on Clarke's hip.

"And I know, I know that I am not Meadow's father," said Bellamy further, a stabbing pain in his chest and not noticing Clarke's sharp inhale. "And I know that we don't know each other anymore and that's why it sounds so crazy and like a bad rom-com but having you two around here the past few days was nice. More than nice actually. I … somewhere between your father's death and visiting you in Ohio made me realize how important you are to me … that I was feeling something for you. And I don't use the word love because loving someone is so much more complex and different. You have to know the other inside out and we clearly don't do this anymore." Something sad swung with his last words and Bellamy paused, thinking what exactly he wanted to tell Clarke and especially how he wanted to let her know.

He licked his lips and cupped her face gently with his hands.

"I really like you Clarke. I care for you and it just feels right every time when I spend time with Meadow, every time I look at you – or kiss you. Maybe it doesn't work out, maybe we've changed too much during the years but I am willing to give us a chance. I want to try it. I want to be Meadow's dad. I, I want to be the guy you talk about your problems with. I want to be the man on whose shoulder you can cry on and I would really love to fall asleep and wake up right next to you. And I have absolutely no idea how we want to do this, seriously, absolutely none. But we will figure-something-out."

His eyes were locked down with hers. His voice and his gaze had gotten even more intense the more he had spoken. Like he wanted to make sure that Clarke got every letter of his words. That she got how serious he was about this and that he didn't know what to do now, probably just like her.

Tears pooled into Clarke's eyes and she swallowed hard, one, two – three times before letting out a shaky breath. Then she leaned forward to put a hard but lovely kiss on his mouth. Just like she was trying to tell him how touched she was by his words and that this was what she really needed to hear but she couldn't say it with words.

Her lips were pressed on his for a few seconds before she slightly pulled away, her voice choking with the tears in her eyes, "Can we figure it out later?"

Bellamy didn't know why but a smile appeared on his lips and he nodded a "whenever you are ready" before pulling her down into another kiss.


	10. The Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke getting an unexpected visitor who makes everything even worse than it already is ...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Your comments made me laugh so hard because I can picture you perfectly in my head how you're reading this and yelling at Clarke the same time. I was doing it myself during the writing. This chapter was harder to write. I had to re-write it once (add and change a few things) and I really like the outcome. I hope you guys won't hate me too much. Try to enjoy the following words, it's going to be hard and tell me what you think. I always appreciate your comments. So here is the showdown part one :D
> 
> Thanks goes as usual to my beta pandorathefirst

She shouldn't have kissed him. Gosh, she should have talked to him about Meadow! She should have cut him off when he was telling her all these sweet things and told that he was Meadow's father. That she had come down here to tell him and then she got scared when he asked her that one morning and that she made it more complicated by keeping her mouth shut instead of facing her fears and telling him the truth! He needed to know. He had every right to know. She felt bad, pathetic and like a coward. She could still hear his promises and wishes, still feel his lips and soft touch on her when she went to bed. But not without getting one of the sweetest goodnight kisses she ever got. Bellamy had brought her upstairs and wished her goodnight by nosing her cheek and let his lips touched her temple a few seconds before letting her slip into the guest room.

He had to know and she would tell him – tomorrow! After breakfast. She would clear things up, no matter how hard it would be. She would tell him tomorrow morning … she didn't. At least not in the morning. She really wanted to, but again everything went the opposite to what she has planned.

The breakfast was nice and comfortable. She talked with Harper a lot and while Octavia and Raven took care of Meadow, helping her with the bread, Bellamy sat right next to Clarke, talking with his colleagues. At the same time he had searched for her thigh and put his left hand onto her knee, caressing it. Clarke laced their fingers together under the table and they both tried not to be too obvious. From time to time they glanced and smiled at each other. Even when her heartbeat sped up because the voice in her head got louder and louder, telling her that she had to tell him. She got nervous but did her best to hide it.

After the breakfast almost everyone left the kitchen. Everyone except for Bellamy and her. They both had been deep in conversation when they realized that even O, who eyed them closely during the breakfast, had given them some space.

They both were holding their coffee mugs in the one hand. Clarke was deep in her thoughts, shifting in her seat and didn't notice how Bellamy's fingers played gently with hers at first. When she did, Clarke swallowed. Okay, now or never. But her lips stayed sealed. She wanted to tell him right away but somehow her body didn't want to follow her orders. So it was Bellamy who spoke first.

"So, I have been thinking about this–" he interlaced their playing fingers together and looked straight into her eyes. Her heartbeat started to speed up, "- and maybe you don't agree but I thought that it would be a good start if we try to see each other on a regular basis. If this is what you want."

He sounded nervous. Clarke bit her bottom lip – she needed to tell him. Like right now! It was a strange feeling to know that Bellamy was really into this, a good strange feeling. She hoped that he would be still into this when he knew the truth. "Uhm", she started and swallowed. She saw Bellamy shifting in his seat, unsecure and her stomach clenched. "I, Bellamy, I have, I mean I-"

"I mean, we don't have to. I just thought that it would be nice to see you on a regular basis and maybe I can stop by next month for a few days and then you can come down here … or I will visit you again if it's easier for you two," he added hastily and while her heart jumped into the sky, her stomach dropped to the bottom of the ocean.

Clarke sighed, breaking their joined hands apart and she could see the fear in Bellamy's eyes when she pulled away. She rubbed her forehead, licking her lips and looked into Bellamy's worried face. She tried to smile at him, but she knew that she totally failed. "I think you are right. It would be a good start-", he relaxed immediately, "-but there is something I have to tell you first and I don't really know how to do it without blowing everything up. It's well…" She bit her bottom lip. Her eyes flickered over Bellamy's face. She saw his jaw clenching and how his whole body started to stiffened. He swallowed hard and somehow Clarke got the impression that he already knew. That Bellamy knew that she had something important to say and that he probably won't like it but he told her anyway, "Whatever is going on in your mind, you should tell me. I, I want to do it right this time okay? I want to give us a real chance and, just say it."

He had put his hands gently over hers, thumbs stroking carefully over her skin and Clarke wished he hadn't said anything at all because his words made her only feel worse. They only made it harder for her. They made her realized once more how much she screwed this up.

Clarke looked silently at Bellamy for quite some time before she nodded. "Okay, well, I shouldn't have waited this long to tell you but –"

His phone started to buzz and her heart dropped again. No! No, no, no. Not now! Not when she wanted to tell him! But of course Bellamy had to pick up, it was his work cell phone and with an apologetic look he answered the call.

She didn't know who was on the other end but Bellamy's expression turned serious. He nodded and agreed to be there in a moment. So even before he disconnected to call she knew that he had to leave, that she couldn't tell him.

"I'm sorry," started Bellamy with a hoarse voice, "but this was Murphy and –"

"No, no it's okay. Your work comes first."

He eyed her intensively, licking his lips and nodding shortly. "Yeah, but it isn't the most important thing to me at the moment."

She blushed under his gaze, at his soft voice. Her stomach dropped and the heat waved through her body. Her lips curled into a shy but also uneasy smile, while she pushed a strand back behind her ear.

"I know that you want to tell me something big but, well I really have to go. So, uhm, I am sorry. But we will talk later, okay?" He stood up, grabbing his hat and placed it.

Clarke nodded, ignoring her beating heart which went crazy at the sight of Bellamy wearing this stupid cowboy hat, "Yeah, no problem."

"Great. See you later." He bent down and kissed her cheek before rushing out of the kitchen. Leaving Clarke with a bad, bad feeling behind.

xxx

It had been a little before lunch when Octavia knocked at the bed room door.

"Clarke?"

"Yeah, yeah I'm in the bathroom. You can come in."

The brunette peeked into the bathroom where Clarke was bathing her daughter. A smile spread over Octavia's face immediately. She stepped in and the smile disappeared when she faced her.

"There, uhm, there is someone for you downstairs."

Clarke blinked in confusion, stopping playing with the doll in her hand. "What?"

Octavia nodded awkwardly. "Yeah … I told him to walk away but –"

"Him?"

Octavia sighed loudly, clearly feeling uncomfortable. "Yes, him. It's, it's Finn."

Her heart skipped a couple of beats. Her stomach dropped and a cold shiver ran down her spine. Had Octavia really said that her ex-boyfriend, whom she hadn't seen in years waited downstairs for her?!

"You are kidding me," Clarke whispered shocked, even when she knew that Octavia was serious.

"What the hell is he doing here?" Clarke got on her feet, anger pulsing through her veins. "How did he know I am here? What the –" She had to stop herself from cursing. She looked at Meadow who was playing with her toys they bought in the horrible store in town.

Clarke rubbed her forehead. Her mind running, then she asked Octavia to stay with Meadow. "And whatever you hear, do not come downstairs with her, okay?" Her heart dropped, her stomach tightened. She felt like she was going to pass out as she stepped down the stairs and eyed Finn who was looking around in the entrance.

He hadn't seen her, so she stood on the last step when she said something, getting his attention.

"What the hell are you doing here Finn?"

Finn turned around, a mixture of joy and anger on his face. "Clarke. Wow, hey." She felt him scanning her with his eyes and she crossed her arms above her chest like she wanted to protect herself.

"What are you doing here? How did you know I am here?"

"I talked to Lexa. She told me."

Clarke groaned. Of course he did. He couldn't accept that he wasn't Meadow's father and that Clarke didn't want to see him. That she was done with him.

"I want to see her Clarke."

"What? Finn, I have told you hundreds of times, that–"

"I know she is my daughter." He cut her off strictly and Clarke snorted disgusted.

"You have to be kidding me! Why can't you just accept that she isn't? That you have no reason to be here or being in my life at all. You and I, this will never happen again. So why are you trying to –"

"I want a paternity test." Said Finn angrily and took a step closer but Clarke didn't move. She wouldn't back away. Not from this. Not this time. It was the first time she spoke more than three words with him and the anger about everything that had happened, happened because of him and his stupid dick, boiled inside her.

Clarke gasped at him. "How dare you to demand me on doing a paternity test, when I've already told you that she isn't yours!"

Finn snorted. "Just because you tell me it doesn't mean it's true. I don't believe you. You are just using this Bellamy guy as an excuse because you don't want me in your life anymore. How many times do I have to tell you that I am sorry for the things I did to you?" His voice got louder, fiercer.

"No, because it' the fucking truth Finn!" Returned Clarke loudly and her voice got mad as well. "You should just accept it and go-away!"

"Like hell I will Clarke! You can't make Meadow pay the price just because you don't want to see me anymore. She has every right to have a father and-"

"Who isn't you for God's sake, Finn!" Yelled Clarke.

"How often do I have to tell you this?" Her voice got louder. The anger grew with every second she looked into the traitor's face. He had cheated on her. With her best friend! How could he have done that to her?

"I've told you Clarke, I won't believe until you can prove it that I'm not. Can you prove it?"

"I, I don't have to prove anything to you Finn," answered Clarke angry but with that she made it even worse.

"So you can't," Finn took another step closer. "So I'm the father or do you want to tell me that you slept around like a fucking whore and got yourself pregnant at the very first opportunity?"

Finn hadn't even finished when Clarke's hand met his cheek. "How dare you!" She yelled and the anger took control over her body, over her mind. "How dare you say that I was sleeping around like a whore when you were the one who cheated on me! It's none of your business what I did after we broke up."

"We didn't Clarke!" Yelled Finn angrily back. "We didn't break up Clarke. You ran away and ignored me. I –"

"Walking in on you fucking my best friend doesn't scream: "We broke up" to you? What did you expect me to do? To tell you that I'm breaking up with you? I mean, did you think that I would forgive you for this? That I would be okay with it? We broke up the moment I saw you together Finn. So when I slept with Bellamy that night we weren't together anymore. And all this is on you! Not on me, on you Finn!" 

She poked her finger into the man's chest, sending deathly glares up at him, moving forward so he had stepped back towards the front door.

Then a sound out of the back made her stop. A door was opened up, footsteps got closer and fear that Octavia would come down with Meadow in her arms, streamed through Clarke's body. She turned her face over the shoulder and her heart dropped to her stomach because it was the other Blake who appeared out of the kitchen, probably coming from the backyard, into the entrance and stopped dead in his tracks when he spotted the situation.

He frowned and got closer, while Clarke stepped back from Finn, still glaring angrily at him.

"Is everything alright Princess?" Bellamy asked worried and put his hand on the small of her back, looking from her towards Finn and Clarke wished he wouldn't have called her this. She wished he wouldn't touch her this gently and that his voice wouldn't give him away that he cared about her. 

Clarke swallowed. Her heartbeat sped up and she opened her mouth to answer but Finn snorted in disbelief.

"I just can't fucking believe it."

Clarke's body stiffened. She looked at Finn, telling him silently that he wouldn't dare to say anything but of course she only made it worse. Bellamy still looked confused. "Clarke," he said softly but again it was Finn's voice that filled the room.

"You are such a frigging –"

"Hey!" Bellowed Bellamy and cut Finn off because they all knew what Finn wanted to call her.

"Who the hell are you? And what are you doing here?"

"I'm-"

"He is no one Bellamy. And he was just about to leave." Cut Clarke in, growling at Finn but instead of going away a smug grin appeared on his lips. He looked at her, calculating and then he turned towards Bellamy. Clarke swallowed. She had an uneasy feeling about what would come next and panic rose inside of her.

"So you are Bellamy? Bellamy Blake?"

Clarke closed her eyes. No, no, no, no. No! She swallowed hard and exhaled shakily as Bellamy nodded. "Yeah, I am. And you are?"

But once again he ignored Bellamy's question and talked to Clarke, clearly pissed at her. "So he is the father?"

She felt Bellamy's confused gaze,"What?"

"You should go Finn." Demanded Clarke firmly and she could see Bellamy stiffened next to her.

"Finn? You, is he, the Finn? Meadow's father?" Asked Bellamy quietly and vivid.

"Yeah Clarke, tell us!"

Her heart was racing. She closed her eyes and she started to shake. This wasn't the way she wanted Bellamy to find out. This wasn't planned. None of this was planned. Everything went down and as much as she wished she could avoid it, the hard and bitter truth, the knowing that she will break Bellamy's heart for good, she had no other choice. She couldn't hide herself any longer. Her heart beat like hell in its ribcage when she opened her eyes, looking right into Finn's eyes. The anger pulsed inside her. Her throat was glued with it and so she swallowed once again.

"No."

"No?" Repeated Bellamy confused but Clarke tried to ignore him. She was concentrating on Finn, whose jaw clenched.

"No what Clarke?" Pushed Finn and she hated him. She has never hated anyone like she hated him in this moment. Because she knew that he finally understood. She knew that everything Finn wanted to do was making things worse. He wanted to destroy everything that could have been. He wanted to finish Bellamy and her before they even really started. She hated him. Why couldn't he just leave?

Clarke was breathing, shaking again. She swallowed because she knew what was about to come. She couldn't look into Bellamy's eyes, when she talked again.

"No, she isn't your daughter Finn."

She could feel Bellamy tensing right next to her. Finn had a fucking smirk on his lips while Clarke's stomach dropped to the floor and she felt sick, so damn sick. She closed her eyes, praying that this was just a bad dream and not the reality. She didn't want it to happen like this. Not now! Not when Bellamy and her just had decided to make it work somehow.

She felt Bellamy shifting from one foot to another. And seconds later it happened. The worst of the worst. The words were only a whisper but it sounded like he was yelling at her.

"What do you mean, he isn't the father Clarke?"

Clarke swallowed down the lump in her throat. Her heart beat in her chest and her whole body started shaking while tears filled up her eyes.

She had no other choice then but to clear everything up. She had to be honest. It was a bombshell. A big, big bombshell and she really wished she could turn back time to make a change but she couldn't. Clarke opened her eyes and the second she locked her gaze with Bellamy, she knew that he knew. She knew that she screwed up. She could see the fear and the hurt and the anger in his eyes, while she stammered the truth.

"I … I never slept with Finn after you left. Meadow, she … you are, you are the -"

She couldn't say it. She just couldn't. And she didn't have to because Bellamy already knew. He swallowed hard and his voice was thick with hurt, "The father. I'm Meadow's father?!"

Clarke nodded almost harrowed and she could see how his heart broke into pieces. How he lost the grip underneath his feet. He opened his mouth but nothing came out. All Clarke could hear was her beating heart and the blood in her ears. Her stomach twisted, when Bellamy shook his head and stepped halfway back.

"Bellamy," started Clarke but in this second Finn spoke up, clearly talking to Bellamy.

"Well, looks like she has been fooling you as much as me. I mean, you didn't know right? She had been telling you that I am the father right? Guess what, she told me that you are the dad. Looks like we both have fucked over by a lying bitch."

Bellamy didn't take his gaze of Clarke while Finn was talking to him. She wished he would shut up for good, but of course he was doing this on purpose. He wanted to ruin everything and by the shattered look in Bellamy's eyes he already had. Clarke shook her head slowly, "Bellamy" It was a mumble, a whisper, a plea but the next second Kane and her mother stepped into the hallway.

"Finn?" Asked Abby surprised and looked from the man towards her daughter and then to the angry, petrified Bellamy.

"Hello Abby," greeted Finn the older woman nicely, just as if they have seen each other last Sunday for brunch.

"What the hell is going on?" Abby asked confused and again Finn was the one who answered.

"Oh nothing important," he declined, "Just clarifying who Meadow's father is."

Abby still looked confused. She frowned. "Who Meadow's father … Clarke, what is going on?"

The blonde didn't answer. She was still looking into Bellamy's eyes, trying to tell him that she was sorry and that she didn't want it to happen like this but all the anger on Bellamy's face made her feel paralyzed. At least until Finn said, almost casually, "Oh well, it looks like your little girl and this cowboy over there –"

"Just go Finn!" Screamed Clarke, turning her face towards her ex-boyfriend. He was still smirking like the devil, while tears were streaming down her face. "Go away!"

But Finn didn't move an inch. He had his arms crossed over his chest, shaking his head. "Why? It's just getting interesting princess."

Clarke narrowed her eyes at Finn. He said the nickname in disgust and her stomach clenched. Her face hot and wet from the tears. "What the hell is wrong with you?" She asked hoarsely, desperate but before anyone could say anything Kane walked towards Finn, telling him to leave his property.

Clarke's eyes darted back towards Bellamy who still was in shock about the news he just found out, hearing Finn defending himself that he won't go anywhere.

"If I were you, I would leave son. Down here we don't hesitate to use the guns," explained Marcus in a quiet but dangerous voice.

Finn looked angrily from Kane towards Clarke and then to Bellamy. He snorted, "You are such a bitch Clarke!"

"Leave, now." Growled Kane dangerously low and Finn's jaw clenched. He shook his head but decided it would be better to listen to the man in front of him.

"Okay." Said Finn, but didn't go without addressing Bellamy and Clarke one more time.

"Well, being away the first three years of your daughter's life must suck Bellamy. Never took you for such a liar Clarke but well, everyone gets what they deserve right?"

Bellamy closed his eyes, clearly trying to block Finn's words and Clarke let out a shaky breath, while Kane threw Finn out and Abby gasped loudly. "What the…"

The tears were still running, her heart was still pounding and she needed a few seconds for herself before she devoted her energy to Bellamy.

"Bellamy," mumbled Clarke but again the cowboy shook his head. He licked his lips and let out a disgusted huff before he walked away. He rushed out of the hallway. Clarke ignored her mother who asked her what the hell just happened and without much thinking, Clarke ran after Bellamy.

"Bellamy!" Clarke grabbed his wrist to stop him rushing away from her. But she had barley closed her fingers when he pulled away, turning around on his own. His expression was furious and he told her in a dangerous and threatening voice, "You better not touch me right now Clarke!"

 

The blonde winced at the sound of his voice, the pain, the disappointment and the anger in his eyes.

This went so damn wrong!

She swallowed thickly. She wanted to explain, she wanted him to understand – she needed him to understand! Her eyes threatened to tear up again, so she took a deep and ragged breath. She licked her lips, swallowing again. Her eyes flickered over the mad man in front of her, when she started to talk.

It took her two times before she got her voice under control. She told him that she came down here in the first place to tell him. But then she panicked and lied. And to avoid a situation like this, she thought it would be better to keep her mouth shut. Her words were spoken hastily, her heartbeat sped up with every syllable.

"… but then I talked to Octavia and she –"

"Octavia knows about this?" Barked Bellamy in horror and Clarke winced because she realized that she shouldn't have brought up his sister. He would feel betrayed by her. Bellamy's words made her struggle. She needed a few seconds before she said quickly, hopefully to calm him down,

"Not the whole time Bellamy. She found out by accident two days ago and,she was the one who cleared my mind! She told me that I was wrong and that I should tell you. Even if I am scared and I was. I still am Bellamy! I wanted to –"

"So, this whole 'we will figure it out and give us a chance' was nothing but bullshit?!" His voice was rough and filled with hurt. It broke Clarke's heart into pieces.

"No! No, Bellamy!" Yelled Clarke and a scornful snort was heard.

"Oh please Clarke! You wanted to use me. You actually did, just like Finn said. Just like you did four years ago."

"No, that is not true! I-"

"Of course it's true! And I can't believe I've been this stupid! I tell you something Clarke – I'm not just some dummy you only call when you need him! I deserve better than that!"

"I know," yelled Clarke desperately and shook her head, tears blurring her gaze, "and this is not what I think of you."

"Really? Then please tell me, why the hell did you wait three fucking years to tell me about Meadow? Why didn't you call me to tell me that you were pregnant? What was going on in your bloody stupid mind that you were still lying to me, into my face? Even when you knew that I am the father? Even when you knew how … that I wanted to be the father?! Tell me Clarke! How could you do that? You are just using me when there is no other way for you. Do you find some kind of stupid pleasure in playing with me? And my feelings? Because if you haven't noticed Clarke, I have feelings. And I can't believe you were capable of playing such a stupid game. I … how can you even live with yourself?"

The anger in his eyes and in his voice made Clarke shiver. Her stomach constricted heavily and she fought the urge to black-out. She could feel her heartbeat speeding up again, a shiver ran down her spine and the tears burned in her eyes but she refused to cry.

She almost cracked under his intensive glare. She stayed silent for a very long time, trying to get her own voice back. She swallowed, the fear raised her hackles. The fear and the undeniable knowledge that she ruined everything before it even had started. She wanted to deny it, she wanted to defend herself and tell him that he was wrong but her mind blanked out. She was just staring at him.

"So you did it just for fun?" Asked Bellamy after a while and pulled Clarke out of her trance. "You just –"

"Because I'm a coward, Bellamy! I did it because I am a coward." Yelled Clarke back, with the feeling that her throat was bursting. Tears were running down her face and the pain in her veins made her wince.

"I was a coward and I still am! I didn't want you to stay or feel responsible just because you got me pregnant Bellamy. I didn't want to punish you or make you regret your choice, your kindness to help me. I mean, we haven't seen each other in years but you came anyhow! I've called you and you didn't hesitate to help me Bellamy. I mean, you don't normally do that, so I –"

"And you've never thought for a second that I've felt something for you? You thought that I would regret my actions of flying across this fucking country to help you as soon as you tell me that you were pregnant?" Bellamy's eyes were filled with tears, his voice was husky and full of hurt.

"You, you –" Stumbled Clarke confused and her mind started spinning around. She swallowed. "You said it wasn't love!"

"No, no it wasn't," confirmed Bellamy and he crossed his arms over his chest. His jaw clenched. "But it was something, okay? I, I didn't know what it was but … I don't know. I thought you felt the same. I mean, there had always been something between us and –"

"So why did you never call?" Asked Clarke loudly, panic and anger echoed in her voice.  
Bellamy opened his mouth, but Clarke cut him off, continuing the yelling. She was tired of being the one who was blamed for this situation. She wasn't the only one to blame, right?

"Tell me Bellamy, if you have really felt something for me, why did you leave? Why haven't you called? Not even once okay? I know that I made a mistake, but even before that night, all these years before, you never called. Never. You never texted me after you left."

"If I have called, would you have picked up? Would you havetold me that you were pregnant?" Asked Bellamy in return and the anger raised further in her body.

"I don't know!" Answered Clarke truthfully. "I don't know! But the fact that you didn't call made me think that you regretted our night together. That I am not worthy to stay in contact with you! That I am not important enough to you! So I decided to stay silent too, okay?"

For a second something like pity flared into Bellamy's eyes and it looked like he wanted to take a step towards her, to grab her hand but the next second it was gone and his hard voice filled the surrounding again.

"So this whole thing is my fault?" His voice was low and hard, his gaze cold, hurt.  
Clarke bit her bottom lip, tears were still running over her cheeks and she shook her head absently. 

"No," she whispered. Her hands were running through her blonde curls and over her face.

"No it wasn't! I should have told you, but I thought you didn't want all this and I didn't want to force you into anything you didn't want! And just like then I still don't know what this really is, but I want to give us a try, okay? I wish I could turn back the time but I can't. I … we can make it."

Her words were screaming with desperation and fear. Her whole body tensed up. She breathed heavily and her head started to hurt because of the tears.

She could see how Bellamy swallowed thickly, shaking his head slowly and rubbing his forehead before telling her,

"There is no we, Clarke. You made sure of that."

Her heart stopped beating. Everything inside her froze and she was in complete shock when she looked at Bellamy. Her throat tightened, while shaking her head in disbelief.

"No, no, no, no, no! No Bellamy, please! I know I made a mistake but we can do this – together. Meadow likes you. I like you."

"Stop it Clarke," yelled Bellamy and held up his hands in surrender. "Enough! I don't want to hear it okay? I am tired of listening to your words and looking into your promising smiles when they are nothing more but lies! I am tired of being your douchebag, the guy who would do anything for you. I'm tired of these weird and twisted feelings inside me when it comes to you Clarke! You have no idea how, what I was feeling – I, I can't just forgive and forget. This is so, so big and … you fucking used me! You lied to me! You were lying the whole time. I fucking missed three years of my daughter's life! Three years Clarke! Three fucking years which I won't get back. You have no idea what this feels like. You lied, you used me. You came down here to tell me that I am Meadow's father? Well, you should have told me the moment you found out you're pregnant. You should have talked to me and not tell everyone the father is out of the picture and making it looks like he didn't want Meadow! You, you – God Clarke!"

Bellamy ruffled his hair, shaking his head and growled angrily.

"I, I'm sorry Bellamy." Cracked Clarke desperately. "I never wanted it to happen like this. I, I'm so, so sorry."

"It's a little too late for that," grumbled Bellamy and sighed loudly before he gazed back at her. The blonde swallowed, her breathing was fast, shallow while her throat was glued together. She swallowed and looked at Bellamy. His words had hurt her, even when she knew that they were the truth. She knew that he had every right to be angry but still – this wasn't what she wanted.

"Bellamy, please."

She could see him swallow thickly, he licked his lips and was still shaking his head slightly when he told her,

"No Clarke. I don't want to hear any of this. Your sorrys won't undo it. You, you can't just expect me to pretend that nothing of this had happened. That nothing of this had hurt. You betrayed my trust Clarke. You shut me out of three years of Meadow's life. THREE YEARS CLARKE!" His angry voice bellowed through the air, making her cringe.

"If I could turn back time I would, okay?" Yelled Clarke back but she knew that it wouldn't help. She knew that she had lost Bellamy the moment he realized that she had been lying to him the whole time.

"But I can't. So, so please just let's talk about it and-"

"Why do you get to decide that it's time to talk, huh? You let past three years, decided not to tell me about Meadow, decided to raise her by yourself and now that you can't handle it anymore or it got out of your control, now you want to talk?"

"I-I…", started Clarke but she didn't know what to say. Her heart bumped in its ribcage and her legs got weaker the longer he yelled at her.

Bellamy shook his head in disgust, his jaw clenched hard. He was still looking at her but she wished he wouldn't. His gaze was full of hurt, disappointment – it was so broken.

An odd feeling stretched out between them. A deep silence fell over the two of them and with every breath Clarke took, it was getting harder to breathe at all.

She swallowed, her eyes locking with Bellamy's and she shivered. Her voice broke as she asked him a question. A question that was running the whole time in her head. The question she was too scared to get an answer to. Especially because she already knew it.

"W-what does this mean for, for us?" She asked, dreading the answer.

Bellamy closed his eyes, took a deep breath and just like her, he felt the pain. She could see it on his face, hear it in his voice. It was low, rusty, broken.

"That we can't be in each other's lives anymore."

Her heart stopped beating the second he finished. Panic and fear overran her. She shook her head in denial. "No, no please Bellamy."

"Clarke!" Growled Bellamy and she could hear, she could see, that he was as broken as she was. But the anger inside him was still in control. "Just, just take your things and go."

"You can't just-"

"Like hell I can Clarke! Don't make me the bad guy in here. You did this, okay? You, you, you – go away. Go away, screw yourself and don't you dare to call me ever again."

"No Bellamy! You can't just run away from being Meadow's father!"

"You never wanted me to be her father Clarke! Otherwise you would have told me sooner. Otherwise you wouldn't have lied to me when I asked you about it! You never wanted me to be in her life!"

Clarke opened her mouth to reject, telling him that he was wrong but then the realization hid her out of nowhere. She stumbled half a way back.

He, was he right about that? Clarke swallowed. Didn't she tell him in the first place because she never really wanted him to be the father? No, no she didn't want to push him into anything. So again she shook her head.

"No Bellamy. I didn't want to-"

"I don't want to hear it Clarke. I don't need this crap, okay? Just … leave!" With that he turned around and rushed away, leaving a speechless Clarke behind.


	11. The Bittersweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy and Clarke had a huge fight last time. Will they be able to work their shit out?  
> Both POV in this chapter...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How great have the last episode of the100 (3x11) been, huh? All our babies working together, the delinquents together and the100 being the100 again. It felt so freaking good and I don’t want to start with Bellarke! Seriously guys, all they have to do is standing next to each other and I’m almost fading out. It’s unbelievable how thirsty I’ve been for new scenes and it was everything! Next week looks also amazing – again, the delinquents being together *__*, and please lets fingers crossed that the writers won’t repeat their shit of leaving out most of the delinquents for some other storytelling and like hell, if they’ll separate Bellarke next season even ones, I’ll freak out! But, well, I should stop rambling.
> 
> So here is the last chapter (there will be an epilogue, so it’s not really the last chapter) of my first multi-chapter Bellarke ff. Most of the time it was so much fun and easy to write, but life got in it’s way far too often. This chapter will have Bellamy’s and Clarke’s POV and I really hope you like both of it because when I started writing the Clarke part my grandpa died and I was a huge mess :/ And no, I don’t tell you this to get your pity but to make sure you get the reason why the Clarke part probably isn’t as smooth as the Bellamy one. But, whatever – Clarke and Bellamy had a huge fight in the previous chapter and here we go, looking if they can work their shit out.
> 
> The official thank you comes with the next chapter, but once again I want to thank you for your comments, I’ve never thought I would get so much credit for this story and you really make my heart beat like the sun (does this makes sense?) and I enjoy every word of yours. I also think about your critical things and hope to make it better the next time. 
> 
> Enjoy the showdown part 2. Love you all & stay safe!
> 
> Thank you pandorathefirst for helping me with this chapter and giving me such nice feedback and support.

The Bittersweet

Bellamy stood behind a barn, three miles away from the main building. It was one day after his fight with Clarke and he hadn't seen her since. He had been too angry to even be in the same room as her. Last night Bellamy hadn't slept at all. The disappointment and the anger kept him awake. The thoughts and pictures of what he had missed and of what could have been had been rushing through his head all night long. He was avoiding the blonde, for her own good. So he hadn't been in the main building since the morning. It was short after midday now, the sun was high and hot. He had rolled up the sleeves of his shirt and was chopping wood. Not that they needed it, it was midsummer after all but when Bellamy was angry he always chopped wood. It was his valve. He chopped wood till his arms hurt, till he hadn't enough strength to raise the axe. He stood there for more than two hours, sweaty and deep in his thoughts but desperately trying not to think too much about Clarke and his daughter Meadow. His thought however, were interrupted when a furious Octavia stomped towards him.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" She asked and caught his attention. Bellamy gave her a short look, then he turned back to the log.

"If Clarkes sent you, I don't want to –"

"She didn't. And you know why? Because she is gone!"

"What?" Bellamy stopped his axe from hitting the log, blinking in complete surprised at his sister. She left? Before Bellamy could express any thought Octavia's furious voice filled the silence.

"She packed her things and left just ten minutes ago! All three of them. Kane is driving them to the airport right now."

Bellamy swallowed. She really left. He didn't know how to feel or what to say because after all, it was what he had told her to do yesterday, right? He wanted her to leave. He was avoiding her since yesterday, too angry with her to talk. It, it was a good thing. "She would have left tomorrow anyway", responded Bellamy, trying not to care about the fact that she didn't even say goodbye. But it was better, he knew it. He couldn't speak to her right now. It was good that she left. That she was out of his sight, his mind, probably out of his life. So Bellamy went back to chopping wood when Octavia gasped in disbelief.

"You got to be kidding me right? You, she left because of you Bellamy!"

"What do you want me to say Octavia?" Bellowed the cowboy angrily and dropped the axe to the ground. Why the hell did she care? It wasn't any of her business what happened between Clarke and him. Of course Bellamy knew that Octavia cared about him, that she was worried.

"I get that you are pissed Bellamy. But don't you think that Clarke isn't punishing herself enough already, even without your wrath?"

"You don't get it O! You don't know what I'm feeling, how I'm feeling."

"You are right," retorted Octavia after a short silence and her voice was so calm that it pissed off Bellamy even more. "But I know that you didn't mean the things you said to Clarke. She made a mistake –"

"A mistake? She fucking betrayed me Octavia! She lied to me! She used me! She blocked me out of Meadow's life on her own. She never even asked if I wanted to be a part of it or not!"

"But she did now."

Bellamy snorted. Was his sister really taking Clarke's side?

"Three years too late, O. Three fucking years!" His voice grew louder with every word.

"She might have come down here to tell me the truth, but she didn't. It had been too late already. She should have told me the moment she found out and not three years later! And even then she kept lying. And I wish I would never have helped her out four years ago. I wish she wouldn't have come down here at all."

The anger grew in his chest. He could feel the heat, while Octavia swallowed, eyeing him closely, "You don't mean that."

"Yes I do! I wish I've never slept with her. I wish I could turn back time and, and, she kept her away from me for three years. Not one, not two – but **three years**!"

His words made his sister flinch. He was yelling at her, throwing the log furiously against the stack. His hands clenched and he growled loudly, he was almost screaming. He let his anger go, trying to calm himself down with taking deep breaths. His hands ran through his dark hair and over his face. He was tired. And disappointed and angry. He was so god damn angry!

Bellamy swallowed the thick lump and laid his eyes on his sister. He felt awful immediately. He sighed.

"I'm sorry O. You're not the one to blame. I'm just- I'm just so freaking angry. She used me. She blocked me out for three years. I, I-" Bellamy swallowed because he kept thinking about the words he never dared to voice before– "I just missed so fucking much. I missed Clarke's belly growing, I missed the birth, the first cry … her first words and her first steps. I missed her first smile. I missed all of this not because I decided not to be a part of it or because I didn't want to be Meadow's father. I missed all of this because Clarke _didn't_ let me. She gave me no choice!"

He felt his throat tighten and the tears rushing into his eyes so he coughed loudly, avoiding to face his little sister.

"I know," she said softly and Bellamy wanted to snort again but he didn't. "And that sucks. A lot. But … oh Bellamy, there are so many things you can still look forward to. Yeah, you might have missed her first words and her first steps but you can make things right now. Clarke screwed up. She knows it. You and I know it. That was on her. But this time? It's on you! You can do things different Bell. And this isn't about you and Clarke anymore. About if you can be together. This is about Meadow. She, she deserves to grow up with a father. You know how much it sucks to do without one. And no-", said Octavia firmly when Bellamy wanted to interfere, 

"I'm not saying that you are like our dads. But, come on, do you really want to miss her first day in kindergarten? Or her first school day? Don't you want to comfort her when she has her first fight with her best friend? Or scare all the guys away who want to ask her out to prom?" She started to laugh a little, probably remembering the days where she was a teenager and Bellamy literally scared every boy away who even looked at her.

"There are so many things to look forward to Bellamy. But … you have to clear your head. Try to figure out what you want. But if you ask me – put your god damn pride aside if not for yourself than for your daughter. Because that's what Meadow is after all – your daughter."

Bellamy looked into his sister's serious and almost pleading face. Her words made his mind turn. His heart jumped in his chest, fast and loud. His stomach clenched. He swallowed, clearly feeling the big lump in his throat. So his voice was rough and hoarse.

"I- I don't know if I can truly forgive her, O. She … she hurt me. Clarke, she, she doesn't deserve to be forgiven."

His facial expression hardened again. He rolled back his shoulder blades, straightening up. Yeah, Clarke didn't deserve any of his forgiveness.

Octavia closed her eyes for a few moments, breathing loudly before she sighed, telling him,

"Forgiveness isn't about what people deserve Bellamy. It's about if you want to forgive her. And this is something only you can find out. But – I know you love her Bell –"

"No, no I don't love her. I barley know her. Actually I don't know her at all."

"But you could have," mumbled Octavia and Bellamy's heart jumped up and down. His jaw clenched while he tried not to give himself away because yeah, he could have loved Clarke. But she screwed it up, so it didn't matter anymore.

"I, I just know you big brother. I know that you care about her, about them. You always did. And I also know that you don't abandon the people you love. Maybe, maybe Clarke and you can fix this and make it right. Maybe you can't but never forget that this isn't about you any longer. The decision you'll make will not only influence your but mostly Meadow's life. I know that you are still hurt and angry but I also know that you'll regret it. Maybe not tomorrow, but one day you'll blame yourself for not having done anything. Just, just think about it."

She looked at him like she expected him so say something but Bellamy's throat was glued again. He didn't know what to say. Her words were running through his head, together with the memories of the fight with Clarke. He swallowed, taking his eyes off of his sister and started to nod, slowly. He hoped that it would be enough for Octavia to leave and after a while he heard her walking away, leaving him at the stack.

____________________________________________

 

They were standing at the bar of Jonty's. The day had been a rough one, so Bellamy was happy to relax, drink some beer and talk to his friends and co-workers. He just handed a new round of beer to the others when Miller stopped midsentence.

"What?"

Miller raised his finger, signalling Bellamy to be silent. The cowboy frowned, looking at his best friend's face who clearly was listening to the song that just started playing.

"Listen Bellamy. It's your song!"

"What?"

_Have you heard about the lonesome loser beaten by the queen of hearts every time_

Miller laughed and Bellamy didn't get why this song was supposed to be his song.

"Well, you are the loser and Clarke is the queen of hearts."

"What? No, no I'm not –"

"Unlucky in love, least that's what they say. He lost his head and he gambled his heart away," interfered Raven and Murphy, both singing along the music.

"Dude, you so are the loser!" Laughed Miller and took a sip out of his bottle.

"You are nuts," mumbled Bellamy, gripping his bottle a little harder. "This song is nothing like –"

But they weren't listening. Instead all of them started singing again, which made Bellamy growl.

"He doesn't show what goes on in his head, but if you watch very close you'll see it all!"

Bellamy's expression darkened and Miller laughed again, telling the other's to stop. They were all grinning and Bellamy never wanted to wipe away their cheesy smiles more than at this moment.

"It fits you perfectly man," said Murphy and Bellamy gave him a dangerous look.   
"Like hell it does."

"Of course. You are just pretending to be okay, but we all know that you're not. You had feelings for Clarke. Gosh, you still have! It's been more than two weeks now. Grow a fucking pair and get the girl before it's too late." Explained Raven and you could tell by the way she looked at him, that she was serious.

"I'm not 'unlucky in love'", he quoted angrily and again, no one was listening. They were just so fucking stubborn.

"Of course. And you are hiding from it!" Stated Murphy.

Bellamy's body started to tense. He needed to get out of here, otherwise he would beat them up. His gaze darkened when Miller opened his mouth again. He cut him off immediately.

"Don't say anything Miller! I don't want to hear it. This is complete bullshit."

Raven rolled her eyes, Murphy coughed "Liar" and Miller sighed. "Okay, okay, this is nothing like you."

"Thanks," growled Bellamy and was just calming himself down (because maybe his friends weren't all wrong about it), when Miller nodded "No problem" and no more than five seconds later they were all shouting the refrain. Bellamy groaned, cursing every one of his friends to death but decided to endured it. It wouldn't last forever.

(Except that Monty pushed the repeat bottom at least another four times and maybe, just maybe, Bellamy did smile by the end of the fourth one.)

 

### CLARKE POV ###

The drive to the airport had been horrible. Clarke had barley slept last night. Not because her mother had been pressuring her to talk but because the fight with Bellamy had been playing on repeat in her head. Actually, her mother didn't ask her until two days after going back home. And Clarke was thankful for that. Abby knew that she needed space and time to cool everything down. Pushing Clarke wouldn't have given her answers. But still – the tension during the car ride, the goodbye with Kane and the flight had been terrible. More than once Clarke had to swallow the big lump in her throat, forbidding herself to cry. She screwed up. She messed up for good.

Her stomach still clenched by remembering the look on Bellamy's face when he found out, when he yelled at her and blamed her for all this. And he had been right. She was the only one to blame. She already knew before. But now? Not it was even worse, knowing that there was no going back. Knowing, that Bellamy hated her. That he didn't want to be a part of her life. But the longer she thought about it, the angrier she got. She understood that he didn't want to see her, that he didn't want to have anything to do with her and that the feelings he said he had weren't as strong as she thought they were. She got it, that he won't forgive her, that they'll never get together, but god damn it! He couldn't abandon his own daughter! If Bellamy wanted to be pissed with Clarke it was okay, but pulling Meadow into this?

"Maybe he just needs some time," her mother had suggested when they both had talked about it. "This is still a shock for him, even without the way he found out. Give him some time Clarke. When his head is cleared he will talk to you."

He didn't.

Clarke desperately wanted to believe her mother's words but Bellamy stayed radio silent the first week. Then another, in which Clarke had often pulled out her phone to contact him, to do the first step but she never wrote or called him. Just like him. When the third week passed, Clarke gave up hoping for something that wouldn't happen, she stopped hoping for a miracle. Bellamy had made his choice, so she had to live with it. She had to live with it that she screwed this up. Not only for her and Bellamy but mostly for her daughter Meadow.

Clarke was looking through the credit card bills from the last six months because her electricity provider claimed that she hadn't payed for the last two months in the back of the pastry shop, when she heard Anya's voice, followed by footsteps.

"Clarke?"

"What?" Asked the blonde annoyed without looking up. These electricity people really got on her nerves.

"There is someone who wants to order a wedding cake."

"And?"

"Well," started Anya and was clearly uncomfortable with a Clarke who was this much on the edge, "it will be needed in two days."

Clarke's eyebrows popped up. She groaned. What the hell? Who ordered a wedding cake two days before its needed?

"Are they going to Vegas or what?" Growled the blonde and slammed the folder close. She took three deep breaths, forcing herself to smile, knowing that it wasn't her best but it would probably work for the customer, before she followed Anya into the front of the shop.

"Hello, welc-" Clarke stopped dead in her tracks. Her eyes widened and her heartbeat stopped for a couple of seconds before it hammered stronger than ever in her chest. Her mouth was still open as she took him in.

"Bellamy?"

Her throat started to tightened, making it hard for her to breathe. Her voice was quiet, even less than a whisper. She couldn't believe what she was seeing right now. Who she was looking at. They were staring into each other's eyes. He swallowed hard, she could see his Adam's apple bobbing up and down. He swallowed so hard, she could literally hear it. There he was. He stood in her pastry shop in Cleveland, his hair curly and messy as always, an indescribable look on his face (but still sending hot and cold chills down her spine with it).

He looked nervous, anticipated … apologetic, guilty?

She was still staring at him – like she was seeing a ghost – not realizing the questioned glances from her co-workers and the other customers. Only Bellamy's rough and low sounding "Hello" got her out of her trance.

"Hey," she offered back slowly and swallowed. She wasn't sure what to do. The last time they had seen each other he told her to stay out of his life. And now he was standing right in front of her, after almost four weeks of radio silence. Clarke swallowed again, trying to control her breathing while her eyes were still rolling over the man whose eyes were fixed on her face.

The blonde didn't know how long it took her to move but suddenly she was standing at the counter, grabbing the pad and a pen, clearing her throat one more time before she tried to act like Bellamy was just like any other customer. Her eyes were pinned on the block when she said, a little colder then intended, "So what do you want?"

Clarke forced herself to keep her eyes down. She forced herself to stay calm. She forced her heart not to burst into hundreds of pieces. Her heartbeat pulsed in her ears. Her whole body was shaking and seconds of silence passed by. She could hear how Bellamy stepped a little closer, how he shifted from one foot to another and cleared his throat.

"A wedding cake for my sister," He said slowly, but Clarke remained silent. She started to write and was about to ask for details when Bellamy cut her off.

"And a family to take away if you have."

"What?"

Clarke's head shot up, her eyes widened in shock and her whole body stiffened. Her throat glued together, her breathing was shaky while her eyes hastily flew over Bellamy's face.

He rubbed his neck, taking a deep breath and locked his eyes with hers. His voice was low, gentle and powerful.

"I, I want … look Clarke, I … I want us to be a family."

She felt her grip tighten around the pen. Her eyes were wide, staring into the brown, warm and almost pleading ones of Bellamy. She swallowed, her mouth slightly open, taking deep breaths while her mind tried to process his words. Her heart bumped in her chest, and after the shock a wave of anger rolled through her. Why? Well, because he didn't say a word for the last few weeks, making her believe that she screwed everything up for good and now he wanted them to be a family?!

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

Bellamy blinked, totally surprised by her reaction. He frowned, clearly not getting where this was coming from.

"Are you out of your – you can't just stay fucking radio silent for almost four weeks, after you told me to stay out of your life, and then stand here in my shop and tell me you want us to be a freaking family!"

"What? I-I thought this is what you wanted!" Retorted Bellamy confused.

"It was! I mean, I- did you really expect me to jump into your arms right away? What the hell am I supposed to think now?" Asked Clarke and her voice was rough, while she tried to keep it as quiet as possible. "First you told me to screw myself and now you want me in your life?"

Bellamy licked his lips, swallowing. He opened his mouth but the anger in Clarke made her cut him off.

"You can't just come in here and pretend like the fight never happened."

"I do not pretend Clarke!" Hissed Bellamy and now the anger boiled from the inside over into his voice. "I was angry Clarke! I was pissed and I had every right to be! You were the one who kept Meadow from me. You were the one who lied to me. I was angry and I still am. You betrayed me and-"

"Why the hell are you here then?"

"Because Meadow is my daughter! And I don't want to abandon her, okay? I … I remember the things you told me at the bonfire and, and I remember what could have been, okay? I told you I am tired of feeling twisted and I thought that it would stop but … it didn't. It didn't stop. I tried to move on, but she is my daughter and … you are, you are-"

"A lying bitch?"

"You are just - _Clarke_." Mumbled Bellamy and closed his eyes. He rubbed his forehead while Clarke's eyes were flying over his exhausted looking face. The way he said her name gave her goosebumps. She bit her bottom lip, trying to get the meaning behind his words but couldn't find anything. Because it was still too complicated, too confusing. She still didn't know how to move on, what she was about to do. She couldn't turn back the time – she would if she could – and make everything disappear. She couldn't forget what she had done and what he had said.

But still, her gaze softened a little. They were both looking at each other, while blocking the world around them out.

" _Bellamy_ …"

"I'm sorry for the things I said to you Clarke. I was hurt and-"

"And you had every right to be. What I did-"

"You did what you thought was best for Meadow," stated Bellamy quietly. "That's why I am here. I don't want her to be without a father anymore. I, I have no idea if we can work this out. If … if I can trust you again, so we can be …together. But this isn't about us. This is about Meadow. About my daughter. Our daughter. We should do what's best for her, not what's best for either of us."

Clarke still kept his gaze. She was still chewing on her bottom lip, she still stayed silent. Again his words were running through her head. She was touched that he finally decided to be with Meadow, but on the other hand her heart bled because they probably wouldn't become partners, lovers. She didn't know how much she wanted him to be in her life, not until she had seen him again five weeks ago.

She didn't know how much she cared for him, how much she wanted him to be the person she could tell everything. The person she would fall asleep with and wake up next to. And even after the fight and the silence, she knew that she still wanted these things. So, it was good that he decided to be there for Meadow, but it would be her personal hell to live a life with a Bellamy who was so close and at the very same moment so far away from her.

But he was right. She had to do what was best for her daughter. And maybe, just maybe they both would get along someday.

Because Clarke stayed silent, Bellamy got obviously nervous. He shifted from one foot to another, rubbing his neck and clearing his throat. She was still looking at him and his gaze grew more intense the longer she stayed silent. It was like he was looking through her.

"Clarke, please say something," he mumbled anxiously and his gaze flickered around them. Clarke did the same and was surprised and a little shocked that everyone was still looking at them. The heat flashed over her cheeks. The blonde swallowed, feeling her heart bursting in its cage.

"I…", she started but didn't know what to say. Could they really just do a do-over? A fresh start? Clarke rubbed her forehead. This was way too much for her to handle right now. He just came out of nowhere and telling her all these things, making her heat jumping out of joy and crying at the same time because she wanted him to be more than just Meadow's father. She wanted him. She wanted him and his life, the life he had offered her at her mother's birthday party.

"I, gosh Bellamy I, honestly I don't know what to say. What do you want me to say? I mean, I … I'm glad that you want to be there for Meadow and that … it's just … gosh!" She huffed loudly, running her hands through her hair. She tried to calm down her spinning mind, she needed to focus.

When she looked up she saw fear creeping into Bellamy's eyes, panic loomed on his face and she sighed loudly. "It's just too much right now, I – can we talk later? Please?"

She had the feeling that something shattered behind Bellamy's eyes when she said it, he swallowed hard but nodded softly anyway. "Yeah, yeah of course. I'll stay at the Hilton Garden Inn. So, just stop by when you can."

Clarke nodded, sending him a thankful smile.

"Okay, I'll close up at six pm and can be over at seven."

Bellamy nodded, "Good."

They both swallowed, looking into each other's eyes and the tension between them making Clarke's heart beat faster. So fast that there was a drumming sound inside her head. She bit her bottom lip and caught Bellamy's eyes flickering down, which gave her a hot chill. Clarke could see how much Bellamy had to force himself to look back into her eyes and the effort he had to bring up for it let a wave of want rolling through her body. He had absolutely no idea how much she wanted to lung forward, grab the collar of his shirt and crash her lips onto his. How much she wanted to run her hand through his hair and tear off his clothes. She wanted him to press her against the stupid counter, grab her face and kiss the hell out of her. She wanted him –

"... I thought you wanted it back."

Clarke blinked in confusion. "What?"

"The hat. You, you forgot it and, well …" Bellamy pointed on the cowboy hat on the counter in front of her. His cheeks were flushed and the awkwardness rang out.

The blonde looked down and her heart stopped beating. Her whole body stopped working for a few seconds when her eyes caught the hat Bellamy gave her the one night in Cat Spring. She swallowed, grabbing the hat and looked up into Bellamy's face, feeling her eyes tearing up because of this cute gesture. It took Clarke two deep breaths before she could say something.

"That's, thank you."

Bellamy sent her a soft and almost shy smile, shrugging a little when he said, "It's yours after all. So, I guess I see you later."

_It's yours after all._

Clarke bit her bottom lip harder this time. Her eyes shot from Bellamy to the hat, her fingers ran along the brim and it was getting harder to breathe.

_It's yours after all._

_There is no **we** Clarke. You made sure of that._

_It wasn't love, but it was something!_

_You have to tell him. And then what? And then you go from there._

_I don't want to push you into anything Clarke. I don't want to force you to do something you don't want to. All I want is, all I want is that you promise me not to shut me out of your life again. No matter if it will be up there in Ohio or if it's down here._

_I don't care if she is mine or not, Clarke._

_She is an amazing kid … and I would proud to be her dad._

_Am I the father?  
No. She is Finn's okay?_

_So, you are Marcus' second. Never took you for the responsible type of a guy.  
I'm full of surprises princess._

_What about the father? He could have –  
He is out of the picture, so no Bellamy, he couldn't and cannot help me with raising her._

_Good, then help me out of this. Please. No hard feelings, I promise you._  
I still don't think that it's a good idea.  
Live a little Blake. 

_Who is there?_  
It's, it's Clarke.  
Clarke Griffin? 

_…_

_It's yours after all._

The thoughts were running, her head was spinning and everything turned into a blur. Her heart was beating so fast in its cage that it almost jumped out of her. The heat rolled over her whole body. The feelings overwhelmed her, making her knees weak and shaky. She braced herself on the counter. Clarke took a few deep and shaky breaths, then Anya reached her and gently put a hand on Clarke's shoulder asking if everything was alright.

"No," mumbled Clarke, shaking her head. "No, it's not." Her eyes were still fixed on the hat, all the memories were still stuck in her mind, when she straightened herself up.

"I'm sorry Anya but, I, I have to go. I'll have to –"

She stormed outside the shop, right into the pouring rain. She needed to tell Bellamy what she wanted. Even when she was scared. She needed to tell him that she wanted to do everything she had to, to make it work. She wanted to get to know Bellamy again. She wanted him to be Meadow’s father and being also an important part in her own life. It was all his after all. 

So she looked to the left and to the right. Her heart bumping wildly, panic growing inside her belly. She spotted him by the end of the road. Clarke swallowed and without wasting another second she ran towards the man. She ran as fast as she could, feeling how the rain wetted her clothes but she didn’t care. All she cared about was to tell Bellamy what she should have told him a long time ago. 

“Bellamy!”

She was almost there when he turned around. She saw a surprised look on his face, just in time before her body collided into his. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pushing herself against him and without hesitation she put her lips on his. 

She could feel his whole body tensing up before he put his arms around her, responding to the kiss. A hot shiver rolled through her from the place where Bellamy was holding her. Her lips laid fully on his, with hard pressure. She didn’t use her tongue but it was demanding and dangerously delicious. His fingers curved softly into her soaked clothes, right to her skin. Clarke was holding him close, almost scared that he would back away if she let go. She pressed her arms harder around him.

Her heart was hammering, her mind was spinning around and she felt like loosing her balance. She swallowed against his lips, feeling Bellamy lunging forward a little more, they were still kissing. His hands were warm and soft. The heat ran through Clarke's body and then she felt the tip of his tongue against the seam of her lips, his fingers tangled in her hair. She couldn't hold back the sigh which rumbled against Bellamy's mouth before she let her own tongue slipping against his. Sending a shock of hot, delicious and electric sensation trough her. 

She felt how her mind started to set in again. Hesitantly she pulled back, her eyes scanning Bellamy's smiling face who had his eyes still closed, but taking a deep breath. She licked her lips, tasting his tongue on them. Then Clarke swallowed. Her grip loosened around his neck and then Bellamy opened his eyes, locking his gaze with hers. “Clarke,” he whispered – almost pained, but Clarke shook her head. It was her turn to talk. So she took a deep breath and go for it.

“I'm sorry for the things I’ve done to you Bell. I really am and I don't want to make the same mistake again, not with you. I know that I screwed up, I really fucked up but … I don't want you to be Meadow's father.”

Bellamy's eyes widened, he swallowed hard and a low and confused “What?” left his lips. 

“I don't want you to be her father and be nothing else. I … I want to work this out. Not only for Meadow but for us. I told you I don't need a man to know who I am. And I don't but - I want you. I want you in my life. And not only as Meadow's father but as the guy I can always talk to. I want you to be the man I fall asleep with and wake up to. And I remember that you wanted the same. I still want these things and … I know that we can't pretend like all these things never happened but – I want to give us a chance. All the three of us.”

Her heartbeat sped up with every word she said. Her stomach clenched and she had the feeling of throwing up. She never took her eyes off of him. She was scared even when he had just told her a few moments earlier that he wanted them to be a family. She could see how his eyes were flickering over hers, like he was searching for something. A hint, a promise that she was telling him the truth this time. That she wasn't playing with him. He bit his bottom lip, huffing lowly and putting his hands on her face once again. 

“You are killing me, do you know that?” A smile resonated with his words and Clarke flushed, grabbing his wrists gently. 

She watched him licking his lips. She waited, impatient for him to do something. But he just kept looking at her, his thumb rubbing gently over her cheeks. She did the same with her thumbs, running them over his skin. The rain falling down on them, but Clarke still didn’t care. Not anymore. Not with Bellamy.

“So,” started Bellamy slowly, “do you want to be my plus one on my sister's wedding?”

A grin spread over her face, it was wide and almost childish. It got wider and wider, a giggle slipped out of her mouth and she couldn't believe her heart was able to beat as fast as it did in this moment. She swallowed, nodding softly. 

“I would love to be your plus one, even after the wedding.” She winked mischievously, which was responded by a loud laugh out of Bellamy's throat. “Maybe we can arrange that.”

They both were smiling at each other like idiots, her hands on his wrists and his fingers capturing her face. 

"If you don't kiss me right now, I swear to god Bellamy, I-" Clarke started complaining, but didn't need to finish because Bellamy grinned at her with a wide smile, before he leaned down and captured her lips with his own.


	12. Through the years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Come and see what happened with Bellamy & Clarke after their confession...

[End of July]

Bellamy stayed for two more days. He spent the evenings as Clarke's guest together with Meadow. After the little girl fell asleep they both were talking about everything. When he left, Clarke and he made the agreement that they'll try their best to make it work.

 

[Mid/End of September]

Bellamy returned to Cleveland two weeks later. He had a week off and was spending the time with Meadow and Clarke. The blonde couldn't take off the whole week from work, so Bellamy spent a lot of time with Abby or with Meadow all by himself. Clarke tried to show him as much as possible of her hometown, but mostly Bellamy only had eyes for one thing – his two favorite blondes.

 

[October]

Clarke and Meadow arrived at the Ranch a day before Octavia's wedding, which was at the end of October. The wedding was beautiful. Bellamy had tears in his eyes, when Lincoln and his sister spoke their vows to each other. He also kissed Clarke for the first time after the pastry shop. They both had been dancing and he knew it was cheesy but he stopped in the middle of the song and kissed her. The people around them were cheering and clapping (which earned him a clap from his sister because it was her day and not his; she said she's happy for him anyway and so Bellamy didn't regret his action).

The kiss didn't progress any further that night. They lay in the same bed, eager to touch each other but too afraid, too unsure to do so.

 

[Mid – November]

Bellamy asked Clarke out on their first proper date the next time he was in Cleveland. Even though she technically picked the restaurant (since Bellamy still didn't know the good ones), he insisted on paying. They went to her favorite Vietnamese restaurant, the same one they had ordered food from four years ago, and Bellamy growled that he liked the one in Houston better (he had been there with Octavia after he left Clarke four years ago, and now O and him were regular guests). Clarke insisted on going there the next time she would be in Cat Spring.

After the date, Bellamy stayed over for at Clarke's for the first time since they have reconnected. And even though nothing has happened between them Bellamy swore that the next morning was one of the best in his entire life. Waking up right next to Clarke, having breakfast with her and Meadow – For the first time, it felt like being a real family.

 

[End of November]

Their first Thanksgiving as a couple, they had to celebrate separated. Clarke needed to stay in Cleveland and Bellamy in Cat Spring; but he decided to surprise them and changed Octavia's old room (she was living with her husband in Cat Spring now anyway) into a bedroom for Meadow. Murphy and Miller helped him with building a crib and Octavia decorated everything. Bellamy thought about telling Clarke via Skype that evening but he didn't.

They needed to skype a lot because shit was going down at the ranch so Bellamy couldn't leave and Clarke couldn't afford to come down. It was a hard time for Bellamy because he really missed having his two girls around.

 

[December]

It was the second Christmas day when Octavia and Lincoln asked him to be their baby's godfather (they both were allowed to adopt a 15 months old baby boy). Bellamy had tears in his eyes and said that it would be an honor for him.

 

[New Year's Eve]

Clarke surprised Bellamy by visiting on the 31st December. She wanted to celebrate the New Year with him and Meadow; as a real family. Bellamy showed Meadow her own room for the first time, which made Clarke's eyes fill up with tears.

 

[Beginning of January]

It was the 3rd January when it hit Bellamy out of nowhere. He had an awful day outside and was tired as hell when he walked into his bedroom, finding Clarke in one of his old flannels, cuddling under the blanket and a photo book spread across her legs. Her hair fell in messy waves over her shoulders. He stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes scanning her, taking her in. Slowly, lingering. He bit his bottom lip and swallowed when Clarke sent him a shy smile. He was falling in love. He had been for a very long time but he never really realized it. Not until now. His mouth mirrored hers and sat right next to her, capturing her lips gently between his. He didn't tell her this night. He didn't tell her the next but he decided that he wouldn't wait too long.

Bellamy visited Clarke and Meadow ten days later. Meadow got sick and Bellamy took care of her with all his heart. He sat beside her bed, reading out stories to her, rubbing her hot cheek. He fell asleep next to the bed and woke up at least twice a night, making sure that Meadow was okay. When he was about to leave Meadow was still sick and Bellamy decided to stay a little longer to take care of her. He stayed for eight days in a whole. When he came back he got the flue, lying in bed for five days in a row. But it was still worth it!

 

[Beginning of February]

On the 4th February Octavia and Lincoln became parents of the little Eugene. Bellamy hadn't seen anything as small and innocent as this little boy. He swallowed the tears down when he was holding the boy for the first time. He smiled so wide that his face hurt when the boy grabbed his index and returned his smile.

 

[End of February]

Bellamy and Clarke had their first time seven months after he came into her pastry shop. Clarke was in Cat Spring by herself. Meadow spent the weekend with her grandmother. They both needed some time as lovers. And while Bellamy didn't make a move the first night, he was the first who started it the second night. Clarke and him had been at the Vietnamese in Houston (Clarke insisted that her Vietnamese was still the better one). They drank a glass of wine in his small kitchen when Bellamy pulled Clarke on her feet and started to dance with her. Her giggle was the sweetest sound he ever heard, like the voice of an angel. He had been looking into her eyes, stopped moving and kissed her carefully. She had been smiling against his lips and a fire of desire exploded inside of him, so he peppered her jaw and neck with soft kisses. It was soft, slow, and gentle. Bellamy wanted to make it last as long as possible. He wanted to enjoy every second of it, intertwining their fingers and nibbling at her bottom lip. He wanted to tell her that he loved her, the words were on his lips already but he couldn't say it. He didn't know why but he was sure that Clarke felt the same, telling by the way she was looking at him.

They made love all night long. They went from soft and gentle, over to hard and fast, to dirty and unbelievable dirty! Bellamy made Clarke come the following morning under the shower, twice, when Clarke grabbed Bellamy's wrist, pulling him away in the middle of the day. Bellamy told Murphy to fuck off when he came back and saw the knowing grin on his face.

 

[Beginning of March]

Bellamy told Clarke that he loved her nine days later when he surprised her showing up at her door in Cleveland, without her knowing. He was also telling her that his offers still stood, that he wanted Meadow and her being around him all the time. That they should move down to Cat Spring but that he didn't want to push her. But he wanted to be honest, he was sick of all the goodbyes they had to say to each other. So was Clarke but she couldn't just move away. She needed time to think, to organize a move and also she did have a job and her mother was here in Cleveland as well. Bellamy understood but it still hurt.

 

[Mid-March]

The next time they saw each other was on Meadow's birthday, the 21th of March. They had skyped the last month and Bellamy never brought up the moving issue. It was hard not to. And he was scared that Clarke would stay in Cleveland. But it was her turn to bring it up, so he didn't say anything.

Meadow's birthday was also Bellamy's and Clarke's first fight. He gave her a pony (in Cat Spring of course). Clarke was mad at him, telling that this was something he should talk to her about first. That he couldn't make this kind of decision himself. Meadow loved her present and couldn't wait for the next time to be in Cat Spring. Bellamy apologized to Clarke a few days later.

 

[April]

On the 1st April Clarke told Bellamy that she wanted to move. She already sold the pastry shop, so Bellamy, Murphy and Miller drove 1300 miles to Cleveland, to help Clarke and Meadow with the move.

Bellamy had a long talk with Abby, who was sad but also happy for her daughter and granddaughter leaving, becoming a real family. She told him not to screw it up! He swore to her that he will try his best not to.

 

[May]

In the beginning of May the idea of marrying Clarke hit him the first time. They were having a BBQ with O, Lincoln and Eugene. The sunset set in, the rays made Clarke's hair glow like gold, it was like she had a halo over her head. The women were playing with their kids on a thick blanket while Bellamy and Lincoln sipped at their beer bottles, watching them and having a serious talk about family. Clarke looked across at Bellamy. They both looked at each other and something electric settled in the pit of his stomach. She mirrored his soft smile and he knew: she was the one he wanted to be with forever. He wanted Meadow, her and him being a family. He wanted it on paper, he wanted the whole world to see, to know.

 

[June]

Bellamy took Clarke out on her birthday. He wanted to ask her. Everyone knew about his proposal (Murphy couldn't keep his mouth shut). They both spent a few hours at a delicious steak house in Huston. He wanted to ask her when they were back, sitting at the bonfire but every time he decided to ask her, nothing came out of his mouth. He got cold feet. Bellamy was angry with himself, he had planned out everything so damn perfectly! It wasn't that he didn't love her or that he didn't truly want to marry Clarke. He didn't know why the question didn't come out of his mouth.

His mood got even worse the next day. Everyone asked him with a huge and knowing grin about last night and all of them gasped in shock, when he told them that he didn't ask her. Murphy punched him into the shoulder and Octavia almost blabbed in front of Clarke after lunch, when she predicted him to be a coward.

It wasn't until three days later when Clarke was standing in their little kitchen, wearing his flannel, sleeves rolled up, and her shorts, her hair put into a messy bun, cleaning the dishes. He just took Meadow to bed. Bellamy licked his lips, approaching her and slung his arms around her, pulling her flush against his chest. He told her softly how much he loved her. Clarke retorted his words and he took the dishes out of her hands, forcing her to turn around and danced a little with her. Clarke put her head against his chest, breathing him in. He kissed her hair, closing his eyes before stepping back and looking into a confused face. He got down on his knee and Clarke gasped. He took her hand, telling her how much he loved her. How glad he was that they figured it out and that he didn't want to be without her, without them. He also told her that this wasn't what he had planned but maybe she wanted to marry him anyway?

Clarke swallowed, eyes full with tears which started to fall when she laid eyes on the ring he was holding out to her. It was her grandmother's. Abby had given it to him the day he picked Meadow and Clarke up at Cleveland. Her answer was a breathless yes. After he slipped the ring on her finger she hugged him. He swirled them around. Then she kissed him. It was perfect. So much better than the proposal he had planned out.

 

[End of August]

The wedding was at the end of August. It was at the Kane Ranch. Meadow was their flower girl. Wells, Clarke's childhood friend was their special guest. Octavia was Clarke's maid of honor. Miller was Bellamy's best man (Murphy insisted on being the second best man).

Clarke and Bellamy couldn't afford a real honeymoon. So Meadow spent a week with her grandmother in Cleveland, while Bellamy and Clarke spent all day in bed. Kissing, cuddling, laughing – just enjoying being together, being alive.

When she came back, Bellamy picked her up at the airport. She let go of her grandmother's hand when she spotted him and ran towards him. Right into his arms and calling him "Daddy" for the very first time. His heart nearly burst out of joy.

 

Kane offered Bellamy to be his partner a month later. He said yes.

On the same night Clarke told Bellamy that she was pregnant.

Four weeks later they found out that they were having twins.

This time Bellamy would be there from the very beginning.

This time he would be there at their first laugh, first step, first word, their first everything.

He had never been happier.

 

The End!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for staying. Thank you for reading and loving this story. I hope you enjoyed the ride. I did. It was fun to write and I think this won't be my last Bellarke ff. Thank for every comment, every kudo. Thanks to my beta reader pandorathefirst. Thank you for staying with me, for sharing your ideas and thoughts and for improve my writing skills. I couldn't have done this without you.
> 
> I hope you liked the ending (just like the rest of the story). Hit me with your thoughts. What was good, what was bad? What should I write next? I mean, I have one or two ideas in mind but yeah … stay save guys. Keep enjoying the show. Keep enjoying Bellarke!
> 
> Love you all!


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